Blessing Information Day - Part 2

I talked about masturbation and similar issues with pornography. Again, it's a fantasy, something going on inside one's head. In that sense, it's a deception; it's not real love, it's a sort of fake love. It creates an emotional bond with an artificial world, which means that people who get involved in this world lose the ability to bond with real people and have real relationships. It's a bit like masturbation; sexual intimacy can lead to emotional emptiness and disconnection. People become empty; it's all just inside one's head. Just like overeating, if you overindulge, you don't feel satisfied. It's the same with these kinds of things. It's very unsatisfying and leads to low self-esteem, an increasing sense of loneliness, and feeling cut off from others because one is just living inside one's own fantasy world. This is very unfulfilling and can lead to addiction. After marriage, it also creates lots of problems. In the long run, pornography will not shore up a shaky ego; it will not fill the emptiness left from childhood wounds or abandonment. It will not save a shaky relationship or a failing marriage, and it's not satisfying. In fact, it will magnify each emotional wound from the past and damage your ability to meet your essential emotional needs, leaving you unable to sexually and emotionally respond to your partner.

This is an American critic who wrote this in the early 80s. As it now stands, students have powerful images of what a perfect body is and pursue it incessantly. This was true in the 1980s, and nowadays it's even more the case. Young people don't use Facebook anymore; it's just for the older generation. On Instagram and other platforms, people post pictures of themselves or what they're eating, trying to create a certain kind of image of what they look like on the outside. People then have a very clear idea of what a perfect person is, focused on the physical body. The whole emphasis in the world today is about appearance. Deprived of literary guidance, they no longer have any image of a perfect soul and hence do not long to have one; they do not even imagine that such a thing exists. One of the best ways to develop your inner life is to read classical literature—Jane Austen, 'Jane Eyre', the Brontë sisters, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy. Reading this kind of literature develops your inner world and helps you put yourself in the shoes of other people. You can experience all kinds of emotions and feelings as you go through the lives of different characters in classical literature. Thomas Hardy is another author worth mentioning; I only read one book by him, 'Mayor of Casterbridge'. I wonder how many here have read Thomas Hardy. Great classical literature is really about real life, and Hardy's works often depict people getting into terrible situations. By the end of the book, you feel completely depressed because it expresses reality. Many portrayals in movies are fake; for example, you see James Bond jumping in and out of bed with all kinds of women. Life isn't like that. People who live like that end up spiritually, emotionally dead, and empty.

Good literature presents an accurate description of the nature of reality and what happens when people go through various experiences. Getting rid of bad habits can sometimes happen naturally, but sometimes people need to pray or fast. It takes at least 40 days to break a habit because it takes time to rewire the brain. You might want to seek counselling or consider cognitive behavioural therapy, which is very effective in this regard. It can change the way you think, feel, and act. Self-help groups can also be beneficial; for example, Alcoholics Anonymous has an incredible 12-step principle. The first step is recognising that you can't do it by yourself and need help from a higher power. Another spiritual community is High Noon, which is from America and is very helpful. Now, what about marriage? Father talks about marriage and why we marry. We marry so we can resemble God's image. The image of God encompasses both masculinity and femininity—male and female, father and mother. We get married to become like God and to resemble God's image because men and women are projections of God's divine characteristics. Our destiny is to form a union as one body and return to oneness with God's original character.

The purpose of marriage is to bring about oneness in the realm of heart, with one man representing masculinity and one woman representing femininity, so they may perfect the love between them. This is the biblical, Christian, Jewish, and Muslim purpose of marriage, although it's probably not what you hear about in schools these days. There are two different realms: masculinity and femininity. What's the difference? If you look at brain structure, in a typical male brain, most connections go one way, while in a typical female brain, they go another way. This affects various skills; for example, men tend to be better at parking cars, while women excel at reading the room and have better verbal skills and intuitive abilities. I remember when my sons came home from school, my wife would ask how their day was, and they'd say 'fine' and carry on. But when my daughter came home, it took half an hour to go through all the different experiences and emotional ups and downs. Two guys might wear the same shirt, and two girls might wear the same shirt, but you might have seen this in Hollywood. When a star comes down the stairs and sees another woman in the same dress, she goes back up to change. I think it's deeply unfair that in department stores, the ground floor is covered with women's clothes, while the men's section is just a little corner in the basement. In the name of equality, there should be equal floor space devoted to men's clothing as to women's clothing, but that's not the case. Why is that? Because men and women are different.

This is my wife packing for a trip, while my daughter wanted to have a suitcase ready two weeks before we go on holiday. For me, it's just five minutes before departure. In a typical female brain, there's a lot going on, while in a male brain, it's more straightforward. The reality is that men and women are quite different. When you get married, you realise this is a completely different world that you never really encountered before. There are some good books around, like 'Why Men Don't Listen' and 'Why Women Can't Read Maps', as well as 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus'. These stereotypes contain a lot of truth. There are basic differences in how men and women perceive things. For example, who finds it easier to drive at night? Men do. Why? Because one of the most annoying things about driving at night is other cars with their headlights on, which can be dazzling. A man has a one-track mind and tunnel vision, so he can ignore the distractions. For women, the light is very distracting. I remember discovering this as a child when my parents talked about a party they attended. My mother would ask my father how the party was, and he would talk about the person he met. My mother would ask if he noticed two people talking or what kind of wallpaper they had, and my father would say no. I thought there was something wrong with his eyesight, but the reality is that when my mother was talking to someone, she could observe everything else going on around her. A man, like me, focuses on what he is looking at. If I want to watch someone else, I have to look at them directly. But if I were a woman, I could be looking at one person while also observing another. This is a fundamental difference; it's entirely physiological. The physiology of men and women is different, and it has many consequences. Female babies tend to like faces, while male babies prefer moving objects. Boys and girls play differently, and mothers and fathers interact with children in different ways. Women generally hear better than men, while men are often more consistent. Females can verbally express emotions better than males. Men are attracted to youth and beauty, while women are attracted to status. Men often fall in love at first sight, while women tend to respond. These are basic physiological aspects of the differences between men and women.

In a relationship between a man and a woman, the man is the subject partner giving love, while the woman is the object partner returning beauty. This is the essence of subject-object relationships; it's entirely about love. It's not about control, managing, ordering, or obedience; it's all about love and respect. A very good book on this topic is 'Love and Respect', which offers brilliant insights. Men need respect, while women need love like they need air to breathe. Why is marriage important? As Father says, it is the path by which we seek true love. It is a path for creating life, where the lineage of a man and woman are co-mingled. Marriage has different aspects: the social aspect goes back to Genesis, where God said it is not good for man to be alone; He will make a helper fit for him. God recognises that it's not good for a person to be alone; we should exist in relationships—with friends, in marriage, and with children. Marriage, as a couple, is a partnership where people work together, cooperate, and do things together. My wife's favourite word is 'together'. We should not act as individuals but as a couple. There is also an emotional aspect to marriage for sustaining healing and growth. This is really important; it's about healing each other. That's why Father said that when people are blessed in marriage, they are each other's messiah, there to help each other heal from past trauma and pain, and to grow and develop into better people.

There is also a sexual aspect to marriage, and the quality of sex depends on the quality of love. It says that a man shall hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This vision of becoming one emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and physically is very important. There are also intellectual dimensions; enjoying conversations and sharing experiences is crucial. My wife's next favourite word is 'communication'. The person you marry should be your best friend, someone you enjoy spending time with and sharing memories and experiences. There is also a spiritual aspect to marriage, focusing on faith and having a God-centered marriage with shared values. When you marry, you seek God's blessing on the relationship, God's permission, and wholehearted support. Adam and Eve engaged in a relationship without God's blessing and permission, which led to feelings of guilt. They couldn't invest themselves wholeheartedly because of this nagging feeling. However, if you receive God's blessing on your marriage and sexual relationship, you can enjoy it wholeheartedly without guilt. It also means you have the potential to experience God in every aspect of the relationship, leading to complete oneness. A God-centered sexual relationship is much more meaningful, enriching, and deeper than one without God. Additionally, when you get married and have a wedding, you receive your parents' and families' blessings and support, which is incredibly important. We want our parents' support for what we're doing. If we know our parents don't support us, it can be difficult. But when we have their blessing, we feel their support, and when we face challenges, we draw strength from that support. If we feel our parents disapprove of what we're doing, it becomes much easier to give up.

When you receive God's blessing and face difficulties, you can bring these challenges before God. For instance, you might pray, "God, help me to love this person," and God will assist you in that love. Similarly, you might say, "God, help me to love my children so I don't throw them out of the window," and God will help you with that as well. Sometimes, as a parent, you may feel overwhelmed, and I remember my mother saying that you never realise how difficult it is to raise children until you have your own. I used to think it wasn't that hard until I experienced it myself. Mothers are often right, and when you have children, you come to understand just how much your parents endured. With God's blessing and your parents' support, you can feel empowered to love and overcome challenges. When you invite God into your marriage, it is more likely to succeed. Marriage requires effort; it is not inevitable. It is hard work, and if you marry with God's blessing, your parents' support, and your community's backing, the chances of success increase significantly.

The meaning of sex within marriage is profound. The union of husband and wife in true love is akin to the universe becoming one body, reflecting the original image of creation in the context of God's ideal. The reality is that women desire to feel desired first; if they do not feel this way, the act of sex may not be appealing. Many people understand this importance, as highlighted by Greg Baer, whose insights are worth exploring. In my clinic in New York, I encounter numerous men and women who lack awareness of how crucial this is for women. It is essential that we emphasise this understanding within our spiritual community.

Moving on, I will touch upon the concept of the fall, although I know you have heard lectures on it before. Everything went wrong at the fall, and I want to illustrate how restoration occurs through lineage change and purification. Due to the issues that arose between Adam, Eve, and the archangel, men inherited a tendency to control and possess sexual relationships with women for their own pleasure. This reflects the old Me Too movement, and many women can relate to this experience. I have met numerous men who believe they have the right to treat women in a certain way, which stems from the mindset of the archangel. Conversely, women have inherited the tendency to be seduced by powerful men and to be seductive themselves, a theme prevalent in the media. This dynamic is a direct result of the fall, and the question arises: how can these attitudes and behaviours be reversed?

I would like to provide an example from the Bible, specifically the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Pharaoh. Abraham and Sarah, husband and wife, were travelling from Haran to Canaan. Upon arriving in Canaan, they found all the shops closed due to famine and decided to continue to Egypt, which was abundant in food. As they approached Egypt, Abraham warned Sarah that her beauty would attract the Egyptians, who might kill him to take her. He instructed her to say she was his sister to protect himself. When they entered Egypt, the Egyptians indeed found Sarah beautiful, and she was taken to Pharaoh's house. For her sake, Pharaoh treated Abraham well, providing him with gifts.

Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, was captivated by Sarah's beauty and invited her to stay for dinner, eventually offering her a life of luxury as his queen. However, God sent an angel to protect Sarah, who could only act if she spoke up. When Pharaoh attempted to stroke her hair, Sarah instructed the angel to intervene, causing Pharaoh to jump in confusion. This continued for some time, and eventually, Pharaoh had a dream in which God revealed that Sarah was the wife of His prophet, Abraham. Consequently, Pharaoh returned Sarah to Abraham, demonstrating the divine intervention at play in their lives. This story illustrates the choices faced by Sarah, akin to those faced by Eve, as she had to decide between a life of luxury with Pharaoh or remaining faithful to her husband, Abraham. Ultimately, Sarah chose fidelity, overcoming the temptation and purifying her lineage, resulting in her children being born with less fallen nature than she had.

The process of purification and lineage change occurs gradually, generation by generation, as individuals face similar challenges and temptations as their ancestors. By following their conscience and overcoming inherited negative behaviours and attitudes, the lineage can improve over time. This transformation does not happen overnight; it requires many generations to achieve a better lineage. In the context of Christian marriage, it is essential to understand its purpose. Christian marriage is a sanctification, a union of man and woman for a shared life and procreation. The essence of marriage is rooted in what it means to be human. Young men often think about sex frequently, while young women consider the implications of a sexual relationship, including the potential for pregnancy and the need for commitment.

In a healthy relationship, both partners negotiate their desires and responsibilities. If both parties agree to a monogamous relationship and decide to marry, it reflects a logical evolution of marriage for the sake of family and children. Religion later supported this institution, and when governments alter the definition of marriage, it raises concerns. For instance, in this country, the government has legalised same-sex marriage, but it is essential to recognise that marriage is a social institution with specific meanings. Within the Christian vision of marriage, it is considered a sacrament, where both spouses confer blessings upon each other. Sacraments, like baptism, involve ceremonies through which individuals receive God's grace. In Christian marriage, both spouses should ideally be Christians to share deeply in their spiritual lives. A friend of my wife married a non-Christian, and while they loved each other, she found it challenging to discuss her faith with him. Fortunately, he eventually embraced Christianity, allowing them to share that vital aspect of their lives together. This shared spiritual life and mutual values are crucial for a successful marriage, and it is important that the commitment is freely entered into.

There is no forced marriage or arranged marriages in the Christian tradition. This is a Church of England marriage, and it's very good to read it and think about it. One day, when you're engaged in your matching process, it's important to discuss these things with the person you think you're getting married to. This is the wedding as it would take place in the Church of England, in the presence of God. We have come together to witness the marriage of Nicholas and Nicola, to pray for God's blessing on them, to share their joy, and to celebrate their love. Marriage is a gift of God in creation, as seen in Adam and Eve, through which husband and wife may know the grace of God. The whole vision from page one of the Bible is creating a God-sent marriage where God is present, allowing us to know His grace.

As a man and woman grow together in love and trust, they should be unified with one another in heart, body, and mind, just as Christ is united with His bride, the Church. This vision of unity is a God-centered unity in love. The priest will ask Nicola if she will take Nicholas to be her husband, to love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as they both live. Here, we see the emphasis on monogamy and faithfulness. The vows encompass many dimensions, including supporting each other and unconditional love. Nicholas pledges to love Nicola for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death parts them, according to God's holy law. This vow signifies a commitment that goes beyond mere emotion; it is an act of will.

In today's world, many people hesitate to get married because they do not want to make a commitment. They may choose to live together, thinking they can enjoy each other's company without the binding nature of marriage. However, such casual relationships often lead to instability and breakups, as there is no commitment to hold them together. I had a close friend at university who experienced this firsthand. He and his girlfriend shared a room, and as graduation approached, he expressed his desire to marry her. To his shock, she revealed that she viewed their relationship as temporary, meant only for university. This revelation left him heartbroken and closed off to future relationships, fearing vulnerability and pain.

This situation illustrates the problem with cohabitation: differing expectations often go unexpressed. When people marry, they enter a spiritual space where they can make vows and commitments. This public commitment is essential; it solidifies the relationship and creates a sense of responsibility. The exchange of rings during the ceremony serves as a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, reminding the couple of the vows they made that day. The sacredness of sexual love is also highlighted, as it allows couples to experience a dimension of God's love through conjugal love. Marriage is not just about physical union; it encompasses mutual support, comfort, and the proper context for sexual intimacy, which is vital for procreation and raising children.

In Christian belief, when a husband and wife unite in marriage, they are no longer seen as merely earthly beings but as reflections of God's image. This is a principal view in the biblical tradition. In Orthodox churches, such as the Russian Orthodox Church, a crown is held over the couple's heads during the marriage service, symbolising their new roles as king and queen of their family. The family is viewed as a domestic church, with parents acting as priests guiding their family in worship. The marriage blessing of true parents involves five steps in the history of restoration, incorporating elements of Jewish and Christian marriage and spiritual life, such as baptism, communion, and marriage itself.

To prepare for a blessed marriage, one must live a consistent spiritual life, which includes setting conditions to separate from negative influences. This may involve practices like fasting or cold showers to strengthen one's will. I remember my first experience with a cold bath; it was a challenge, but it led to many spiritual experiences. The foundation phase of spiritual life is crucial, as it involves overcoming fallen nature and becoming a mature person. This process often requires working with individuals from diverse backgrounds, helping us to overcome barriers and learn to connect with others, regardless of differences. Witnessing is also part of this journey, as it prepares us to see the Messiah and become better individuals.

The goal is to be in a reasonable state when entering marriage. No one wants to marry someone burdened by fallen nature. The purpose of the course set up by the founder was to help individuals overcome their fallen nature, ensuring they are prepared for a blessed marriage. The moment one receives the blessing from true parents is significant, as it severs ties to the satanic lineage and allows entry into the heavenly lineage. Most marriages in the world are not God-centered, but in the Unification Church, couples can enter a heavenly lineage through the blessing. This process of grafting is akin to biology; it requires cutting off branches of the wild olive tree, representing our fallen habits and patterns of behaviour.

After the engrafting process, the challenge is to transform the root into a new one. No matter how much effort is made, transformation will only occur through the love of God and the true parents. Ancestor liberation and cleansing memories are part of this process, as is replacing bad habits with good ones. Therapy or counselling can be beneficial for resolving deep-seated issues. The original mind, which is the fertile ground of God, must be nurtured. The engrafting process is technical and requires healing. The stages of engagement and the holy wine ceremony are also significant, as they represent a change of lineage and identity, connecting individuals to God's lineage and away from Satan's. This transformation is fundamental to the journey of faith.

I am the child of God, and for forgiveness and original sin, it is very conditional. We weren't really at the right level to receive it, but we did. If we hadn't received it when we did, we would have been too old anyway. This is how it worked: we stood together as couples, and then someone handed a glass of wine to the woman. She drank half, gave it to the man, who drank half, and then gave it back again. This signifies a change of lineage. It sounds terribly theoretical, so I'll just tell you about my own experience. This was in Camberg, Germany, after the matching process had taken place. Father matched lots of couples together, and over a period of three days, matched about 200 couples. I didn't get matched, but afterwards, Father was talking to some people and asked, as he does, if there were any outsiders who weren't matched and would like to get matched. I was standing with a group of young men and a group of young women who also hadn't been matched. A young girl stepped out and said she would like to be matched, but Father asked her if she was in the room. She said no, she wasn't qualified because she hadn't fulfilled the regular qualifications. Father then said, 'Okay, look, there's a group of young men over there; why don't you go and pick one out?'

She walked up and down, inspecting all these young men, and kept coming back to me. Father was leaning against the wall in Camberg, smiling, thinking it was hilarious to put this young woman in this impossible situation of choosing her own spouse. Eventually, she turned around and asked Father if he could choose for her. Father pointed to me, saying, 'What about that young man you keep looking at?' So we got matched. We went into the holy wine ceremony, and while I was there, it felt like trying to get into a cold bath. I wanted to run out of the room, thinking I was mad and out of my mind for doing this with someone I didn't know. My mind was full of these thoughts, but I made myself stay there. My wife drank from the glass of wine, gave it to me, and as soon as I drank it and gave it back, my whole mind and spirit became completely clear. I felt connected to eternity and experienced an incredible sense of peace like never before. All those thoughts that had been floating around in my head went away permanently. I still have my ups and downs, but I never went down that far again. It was like moving from Satan's sovereignty to God's sovereignty, changing my identity from one realm to another.

I realised that this is what the change of lineage is: moving from one spiritual space to another in the realm of God's protection. After that, there was a wedding ceremony, which included a sprinkling with holy water by the True Parents, similar to baptism, followed by the vows. At our blessing, I think the vows were shortened, but I believe it's good to read the Christian vows because they contain a lot of meaning. I remember when my wife became really ill and was in a wheelchair; I thought she was paralyzed. Thankfully, she recovered, but during that time, I thought my life was set. I believed I would spend the rest of my life pushing her around in a wheelchair. Fortunately, she recovered, and I've been able to do many other things. However, marriage blessings should not be taken lightly; one needs to think these things through seriously, both personally and in conversations with the person you intend to marry. It's important to read the vows and discuss what they mean to you as a couple.

You promise to observe heavenly laws as original man and woman, and if you fail, you promise to take responsibility for that. It can feel abstract, so I suggest that if you're hoping to marry someone, you read together the Family Pledge. Discuss what it means to you both and whether you want to create a family based on that vision. If the person you're speaking with says no, you need to decide if you want to marry them. If they say yes, then discuss how you will translate that ideal into reality. What traditions do you want to establish? How do you want to create a God-centered family? Do you want to be involved in your local community? It's crucial to have serious conversations about these topics, not just about physical attraction or feelings. Do you want to have children? It's dreadful when people assume their partner wants children, only to find out later that they don't. These are serious conversations that need to happen before marriage.

When you make vows and promises to each other in front of God, there is an exchange of rings, a blessing prayer, and cheers of 'Monsei.' Father said that your destination is the eternal dwelling place of True Parents. He expressed that he aims to make all of you true parents, which is the greatest honour he can give you in your own area and lineage. Each of you is to become true parents. The marriage blessing that Adam and Eve should have received and fulfilled means that second-generation believers are born without original sin, allowing them to experience God without barriers. However, this does not mean that they automatically become perfect; they still need to make an effort. It is generally easier for second-generation individuals to have a relationship with God than for first-generation individuals, who faced many challenges, including fasting and other conditions. For second-generation members, the blessing follows the foundation of faith, which involves living a consistent spiritual life and maintaining sexual purity.

Making a foundation of substance, which is mind-body unity, is essential. This means becoming a mature person and establishing the first blessing by becoming a God-centered individual. It involves developing a sense of God consciousness, living within the realm of one's conscience, and following one's original mind to lead a creative and meaningful life. Different stages in preparation include confession. We all make mistakes, and it's crucial to have a clear conscience when embarking on this process. Confession allows you to take ownership of your past mistakes. Remember, there is nothing you can do that God cannot forgive. The Bible shows that even Cain, who murdered his brother, was forgiven by God after he apologised. So, no matter what you've done, God can forgive you. It's important to confess and have a clear conscience when you engage in this process.

Part of the preparation involves having an interview with someone who has the authority to listen to your confession and ask questions to determine your readiness. Engaging in a spiritual community is also vital. Traditionally, there would be a seven-day fast, but now it may be reduced to three days or even one day. Matching etiquette is important; it involves both vertical and horizontal aspects. It's essential to follow your original mind and conscience while also involving parents and the community. Marriage is not just about two individuals; it connects two lineages and families. Support from parents, siblings, and the community is crucial. The initiative should come from the young person; ultimately, it is your marriage and family. You must take responsibility for your decisions, and everyone should be happy with the outcome. There is an engagement ceremony, and it's important to invest in your relationship. Just as you invest in friendships by spending time together, you should set aside time for your marriage and family.

There is a marriage course started by Holy Trinity Brompton in London that I recommend. Everyone should attend this course, whether married or not. It is important to prepare for marriage. Some couples discover each other and decide to marry, while others realise they are not suited for each other, which is also a good outcome. Nothing is worse than marrying someone only to later realise it was a serious mistake. I suggest going on this marriage preparation course together if you are in the matching process or engaged. It is designed to help you prepare for the next step. There are also many good books and resources available within our spiritual community. While some links may be outdated, you can easily find this information online.