Relationships and Sex Education: Opportunities, Challenges and Risks

After I graduated, I was already a member of a movement and I started to work in a local school where I lived, teaching English. I was teaching 7th and 8th grade teenagers, but also younger children because I had to have enough hours. When my life moved me on my career to Finland, I became a kindergarten teacher, self-trained and learning from my experience. That's been my life until now, until recently. I'm not an early years educator by training; I'm a teacher of English. I founded an English-speaking kindergarten, but in education, you have laws that require you to be an early years educator.

My topic is relationship and sex education: opportunities, challenges, and risks. I have never had experience of working in England, but having read a lot about the education here, I wanted to talk about this issue surrounding relationship and sex education, not only because of the situation in England but also the same problems are now discussed in Poland and Finland. These are issues that I think concern all teachers, starting from kindergarten. I want to think about children's right to high-quality sex education. This is the big slogan, but children's dignity is at risk here, along with parental involvement and the political principle that holds that all people should have a voice in this matter. By this, we mean the stakeholders: parents, teachers, and, of course, the political realm, which includes lawmakers. All should have a voice, and this requires trust, respect, and common values.

In my experience as an educator, the most important thing is to agree on values. Even at the kindergarten level, we had to have parents agree on what is most important for them so that their children can receive the best possible care and education. The big question I wanted to think about is what should be taught and how, what pedagogy to use, and how to introduce this subject. In the United Kingdom, it has been voted through Parliament that it is a compulsory part of the curriculum now, and the overwhelming majority agrees, but misses the way it should be taught. There are arguments that this is necessary because of the context; in the past, sex education was done based on decisions of schools. It wasn't statutory, so it was done in different ways in different places. Now the argument is that the social context is so different that young people start their sexual experiences much earlier, and education should keep us up-to-date with trends, especially with sexual lifestyles and orientations.

The safeguarding of children and their health is at risk. The reality in schools, from what I understand about your country, the United Kingdom, is that teachers deal with children who face friendship issues; over 80% of children face these issues when they attend school. Over 70% have low self-esteem, and half of them, 49%, have very low self-image. Now, the growing problem is the sharing of inappropriate images, called sexting or even pornography. The government plans to put some kind of blockers on porn sites so that children cannot access them. The whole issue of sex education can be traced back to the 1920s when sex stopped being a taboo or terrible thing to talk about. It was through Freud and his student Wilhelm Reich, who postulated that we should embrace our sexuality; it's something wonderful and definitely not just for procreation. We started a revolution that was kind of on hold because of the wars, but in the sixties, it became the issue of freedom of sexual expression. Anyone should have the right to have sex with anyone they want, whenever they want, and this trend has continued today.

The only difference is the embrace of sexual diversity, and that's why sex education has been affected. It became unsafe to teach children religious values, like schools should not teach the tenets of their faith when they teach religion. The law in England from 2020, if I'm correct, states that all faith schools and basically all private schools must introduce relationship and sex education. This is to do with a vision of a sex-positive society. Do you agree with this idea that we should live in a sex-positive society? If you want to learn more, you can search for Helen Brooke; she founded the Sex Education Forum. Her idea is that we need to talk about sex, relationships, emotions, and inclusion because sex should be discussed openly and honestly. In many cases, people do not understand that puberty is not just a difficult time of changes; it's about maturing. Maturity is not the same as innocence; maturity is about what the goal of our lives is: to become mature adults, which involves making decisions and choices.

A sex-positive society means that we are mature people who make choices. Helen Brooke's pages on the internet state that they are absolutely against the promotion of one form of sexual orientation, but it is supposed to be a sex-positive society. We are talking about choices, and this relationship and sex education has to be inclusive for all children. In practical terms, it means fostering gender equality and LGBT rights, which have equal rights to be part of the education process. Until now, they have been discriminated against. According to a survey done in 2016, 97% of students said that it should be inclusive of LGBT, and 89% said they had never talked about sexual pleasure or how to experience pleasure. Furthermore, 97% missed any discussion about gender identity. This fosters an atmosphere of respect, acceptance, and celebration of differences. High-quality sex education should address these issues, but students don't know about sexual pleasure, LGBTQ, and gender identity.

Another survey, done in 2013, asked what type of sex education students would prefer. It involved teachers, students, and school authorities. Until now, there was an abstinence-only approach, where many schools taught that we should wait to have sex until marriage. Then there was a comprehensive curriculum, suggesting we should wait with our sexual experiences until high school is over and then use safe practices. The overwhelming majority agreed that it should be a combination of both, so both should be taught: comprehensive education and abstinence are equally important. This means that when people talk about high-quality education, it should have a balance of both, but I think the previous approach with absolutely no religious preference for any one sexual orientation usually involves waiting until marriage, which I see as a problem. We can think about why, but when we talk about this core curriculum, there's one big issue: the Equality Act of 2010 protects anyone from discrimination, which means that if anyone takes steps to identify as the opposite gender, they are protected legally.

Schools have no choice now; they are required to consult parents, but schools will decide anyway because the law states that it should be taught in a certain way. They cannot veto co-ed schools. There is another requirement that school policies should be published online so everyone can access them, but in reality, no one can change what has been decided. The guidelines state that primary schools should focus on relationships, while secondary schools will introduce LGBT education, which seems to be a sensible proposal. However, when they talk about family, we understand that family is not just defined as one kind of family with a man and a woman; there are many kinds of families. This understanding starts from children as young as four years old in many countries in Europe now.

Are you familiar with this topic? It may be different in Poland because of its very Catholic approach to education. I think there has not been relationship education as such in most cases because sex education was done only during assigned hours; it wasn't comprehensive. In Finland, there was religious education where they could teach in their own way, but there were also hours where outside agencies or some teachers came to talk to children. At the kindergarten level, we never had it until recently, when they started to ask teachers to sign non-discrimination policies. It's coming into effect in a way that children are being introduced to the fact that there are different kinds of families and they have to deal with gender issues. For me, after many years of working with certain types of families, I become insecure about what will happen if I have to deal with something I don't know how to handle.

One of the issues is how to implement this new curriculum: who will train whom and how teachers can handle it. On the other hand, it's a very interesting opportunity. If there is a moment, I would like you to take a piece of paper and think about what opportunities relationship and sex education can bring to school education, as well as the challenges and risks. Just whatever comes to your mind. I would say maybe five minutes in schools, not at home with parents. Yes, that is one of the challenges here because there is intense training; they have to train the teachers. There are also options to spread this across the curriculum; some things can be taught in biology and others in different subjects. They said this will have to be introduced somehow, ideally through people who can talk about it comfortably because not every teacher can talk about it. This is an opportunity to start discussing these issues in an open and respectful way. I just want some feedback from you on what you would consider an opportunity or a risk or a challenge in this area. Do you have it in France? Maybe you know how it's done in France.

That's one of the opportunities: to talk about it seriously. Until they talk about LGBT, they do. Is it compulsory in all schools? Every school has to do that? Okay, but there are schools where parents' consent is needed, like Catholic or Muslim schools. In England, it's everybody. This is one of the challenges here because this becomes a curriculum that has to be assessed, a subject that has to be evaluated, and it has to be implemented somehow. It has to be on the website. I know if it's already like this. Closing one of the opportunities, I think the opportunity would be to promote education that shows that relationships come first and then sexual encounters come second. That is an opportunity I see, as it would include any kind of gender preference, whether you're gay or drawn to whatever. Relationships should be the goal of education because it's a social context, and we learn about relationships at school. To teach about relationships is an opportunity to develop this kind of understanding.

We were thinking in terms of what the opportunities of sex education in schools are. I see it as an opportunity to teach that relationships come first and then sexuality. Yes, I see it as an opportunity because that can encompass all sexual diversity. However, there are challenges between what parents teach their children and what schools teach, so conflict is a risk. You had something from France? Have you got any suggestions? Yes, that is quite difficult. I'm sure you had discussions about this. All communications teachers should have an opportunity to have some input, especially when it comes to relationships. We should teach about give-and-take in relationships, which should be taught from early on, based on the idea that we don't only receive but also have to give.

You may have some ideas about the significant changes happening in education today. For instance, one of my friends, who is a medical student, has shared that from the very first year at university, they are introduced to specialists from the LGBT community. These specialists teach them about the necessity of changing their mindset as future doctors. When seeing a patient, they are encouraged not to assume gender or refer to someone as 'she' or 'he'. This shift presents a considerable challenge, but it also offers a brilliant opportunity for both parents and pupils to reflect on their relationships. It is essential that education in primary schools focuses on these issues, as they lay the foundation for future interactions, including understanding consent and avoiding exploitation. This education should begin with a healthy relationship with oneself, encompassing both mind and body.

There are many opportunities to discuss destructive cultures and the way sex is treated in society. We can learn a lot from biology, not only in sex education but across various subjects. However, teaching relationships in schools poses challenges. Many teachers may not take this topic seriously, especially when it is an additional responsibility. My focus is on how relationships are taught in schools, as there is no dedicated subject for this. In my experience, my children did not have lessons specifically on relationships, although they may have had discussions with the school nurse about sex, often framed in a fear-based context. Now, it is crucial to approach these topics positively, emphasising the importance of relationships before engaging in sexual activity.

This subject can encompass various issues, including pornography and internet safety. There are many opportunities to address these topics, particularly regarding relationships. A person named Nic Hashem suggests that this should be the focus of the subject, and I agree. However, challenges arise when parents and teachers have conflicting views, or even among teachers themselves. It is essential to foster curiosity and trust among educators. When religious views clash with liberal perspectives, it can be particularly difficult for children from religious families to navigate these discussions. For instance, a young lady who spoke previously works in a non-Unification school, and while we may not have Unification schools in Europe, the principles of Unification education could still be relevant in these discussions.

Teachers are required to sign a non-discrimination declaration, which is a government mandate. However, there is a challenge in the absence of clear guidelines. While there are some guidelines available, the main requirement is that teachers cannot discriminate against individuals based on their sexual orientation. Parents may express concerns about their children participating in these lessons, but until now, there has been no formal relationship education in schools. In some countries, like England and Finland, teachers have more freedom in what they teach, but there is still a need to follow a curriculum. The challenge lies in the resources and training available to schools. My dream is to create a curriculum that addresses these issues effectively, as schools need guidance on how to teach these topics appropriately.

The risk is that instead of teaching children how to think critically, they may be instructed on what to think. This is a concern when teachers simply follow guidelines without engaging in meaningful discussions. The guidelines should safeguard children, especially those from the LGBT community, who often face bullying and exclusion. The aim is to create an environment where all children feel accepted, but there is no guarantee that this will eliminate bullying. As a kindergarten teacher with 17 years of experience, I have always signed non-discrimination agreements without fully understanding their implications. It is essential to foster teamwork and harmony among staff, but there is a risk of bullying among teachers if differing opinions arise. The focus should be on the mental health of children and whether the new subjects introduced will genuinely benefit their development.

There are various programs aimed at teaching children about relationships, but some may introduce concepts that are too advanced for their age. For example, children aged four to five should not be learning definitions of complex terms like bisexual or transgender. Education should be age-appropriate, and children can only grasp concepts they are ready for. In my experience, children naturally form friendships without the complications that adults impose. When there are parents concerned about their child's gender identity, there should be a clear procedure in place to handle these situations. However, the current approach seems to mandate that all children be educated on inclusivity, which can create confusion rather than clarity.

The purpose of education should be to foster the well-being and health of children, not to introduce risks. The Department of Education in the United Kingdom has proposed broad topics for health education, including respectful relationships and sexual health. However, I believe that sex and relationship education should not be a standalone topic but integrated throughout the curriculum. For instance, biology lessons can cover sexual health, while computer lessons can address online dangers. Religious education can provide context for understanding different perspectives on sexual behaviour. Ultimately, the first relationships children experience are with their parents, which shapes their ability to form healthy connections later in life. Unfortunately, many children come from backgrounds where they lack this foundational support, posing a significant challenge for educators. However, there is still hope for teaching children how to navigate friendships and relationships effectively.

Answering questions can feel like peer pressure, for example, and should be included in schools because peer pressure is a significant factor in LGBT inclusion and bullying. Social media should also be a topic of discussion, particularly celebrity culture, self-esteem, and body image. Additionally, there is something called sexting that children need to be informed about in school. However, sexting is illegal for anyone under the age of 18. Sexting refers to sharing sexual content and images via mobile phones, and many young girls take photos of themselves and send them to others, which can lead to problems.

It is crucial to inform students about the legal implications of sexting. When discussing the relationship of the state to sexual education, it is important to note that parents have lost some rights in England regarding how they educate their children. This shift towards a sex-positive society has been highlighted in media reports, particularly in places like Birmingham. It is evident that the implementation of this curriculum will continue despite parental concerns. As teachers, we have a significant influence on our pupils, and the way we discuss sex is now guided by certain obligations.

Teachers are required to communicate about these topics in a specific manner, which can limit their ability to express their views freely. This issue of freedom of speech is something that William will address later. From my perspective as a teacher, we have a duty similar to that of doctors; we are obliged to guide children and help them navigate their lives. Therefore, it raises the question of what kind of training teachers need to effectively teach these topics under the new guidelines of inclusive education.

While parents do have the option of homeschooling, which allows them to raise children reflecting their own values, the state also imposes certain educational standards. This creates a tension between parental rights and state mandates. Ultimately, while our ideal sex education might look different, inclusivity requires us to teach certain aspects that may not align with every family's values.