The Heart of a True Abel

I suppose each of you sometimes has difficulties or struggles in your heart which you cannot share with anyone. Finally you reach the point where you go to your Abel figure to seek guidance.

I don’t know whether you feel like this towards your Abel, because you are all adult, but you may have experienced that when you went to your Abel, you realized how small the problem was that had been bothering you, so you were not able to talk about it. Then, when you returned to your mission, you remembered again and felt that you should have spoken to your Abel about it.

Actually we experience this many times in our relationship with True Parents. When the national leaders are in their own nation they may think they have very big problems and difficulties which they must bring to Father, but when they stand before him, after listening to Father’s talk, they feel that their problems are too small to talk about. They feel as if their problems have been solved just by being with Father. When they then return to their own nations they may wonder why they had not spoken about their problems. They regret this afterwards. We can often experience such things. In this way we can realize what a difference there is between our thinking and our world, and Father’s thinking and his world. The level and dimension of his thoughts are so different.

When people ask whom you respect the most, you may give many people’s names. Let us consider what we would do if we would live together day and night with the person we respect the most. Would we keep the same opinion? Would we still respect him the most? Let us think about Jesus. If I had lived at Jesus’ time, would I have supported or followed him?

When you think about the disciples of Jesus who lived with and attended him, there is a difference between them and us. Attending Jesus two thousand years later and attending him directly during his lifetime are two different things. Even though history records the existence of so called “holy men”, the people closest to them could not follow them. Through this we can see that there is a big gap between those who were close to these holy men and those who attended them from a distance or at a later date. So, living together with the person we respect the most day and night, and attending him from a distance are two very different things.

The same thing can also be applied to the relationship between husband and wife, parents and children, or leaders and members. There is a difference between looking at somebody from a distance and living

together with him day and night. It is sometimes better to look at somebody from a distance. But when I consider Father, I see that he is an exception. People generally appear quite attractive from a distance, but when you get closer to them, they are not so attractive. But with Father it is different. When we look at him from a distance he seems attractive, but when we get closer to him he appears even better. I can explain this quite simply. This is what I would like to talk about this morning.

When I met Father, my relationship to him was quite distant. Father was living in the church center, but I was still living in my own place. I usually came to visit Father and then went home again. When Father went to prison, I visited him in prison and then returned home. This was the kind of relationship we had.

But it was different when we were escaping from North Korea. We were always together, sleeping together and doing everything together. When we were in Pusan it was also different: we lived together in the same place. When I talk about living in the same place, I mean we shared a common roof. Maybe you imagine we had many different rooms: a room for parents, one for the sisters, one for the brothers, etc., but it was not like that. We shared one room together. We even used the same mattress and shared a blanket. We had only one, so we had to share. So we really had a skin-touch relationship. Father also had to cook by himself. So, my life with Father in Pusan was very different from before. It was maybe similar to the life you lead as husband and wife.

What I would like to share with you are my experiences of living close to Father. The reason I am telling you these things is because I want you as leaders to follow Father’s example. You should be respected by your members even when they live together with you as I did with Father. Since we are limited in time I will only mention the main points.

After escaping from the north we had no real financial foundation for our existence. There were no other members around either. There were a few members in Pusan who had also escaped, and were now living in their own place. They sometimes came to visit us, but we didn’t live together. This was in Pusan where Father formulated the original version of the Divine Principle.

I then found a job at an American Army base in order to establish an economic foundation. One day I was just playing around and I drew a landscape which I later showed to Father. Father looked at it and said, “You should try to paint more.” One day a man was sent to the place where I was working. He could paint really well. He taught me how to paint. Actually he was a professional. After working at the Army base he would receive photos of a soldier or a soldier’s family and paint a portrait based on the photos. He also recommended that I painted, so after some time I started to paint as well. So, Father’s simple words to me became a reality: I started to paint.

At that time I was working from morning till late afternoon, and from early evening till night I painted portraits. Early the following morning I would bring the portraits to the soldiers and receive money.

It was around this time that Father wrote the original version of the Divine Principle. He then started to teach God’s message to the people. From this time onwards many people started to gather around Father. Many would receive a revelation from the spiritual world, or through some other person which led them to the Lord of the Second Advent. So many people came to visit our humble dwelling.

When these people came to visit Father, even though it was a humble and shabby place, Father spoke to them from morning till night. While I was working Father was witnessing. When I returned from my job Father helped me to paint. Sometimes, in the middle of the night I would hear Father sobbing. There was no light, so I couldn’t see anything, but I often heard this. When I woke up and heard this sobbing, if I looked carefully I could see Father kneeling down and praying in tears, crying and sobbing in the darkness. Sometimes I would wake up because I heard the Holy Song or hymn which Father was singing. He sang and sang with tears.

One time when I was sleeping Father woke me up and led me to the top of the hill where we prayed together. Another time, when I was sleeping Father woke me up and asked me to prepare something to write. It was the middle of the night, so I lit a small lamp and prepared everything to write. Father then asked me to write down what he said. This was how we recorded the content of the Principle.

When I left for work in the morning Father had to cook all the meals by himself. At that time there were no other houses near our hut because it was built near a graveyard. Therefore there was no water or other facilities. Then Father himself went to look for a spring. He dug and found water. Those who were living at the bottom of the hill were really grateful for the spring water that Father found. It tasted so good, so the people living at the foot of the hill would often come to fetch water from Father’s spring.

The people who came to visit Father at that time were usually religious people who had been searching for the truth all their life. They were not rich people. When they came they were eager to learn from Father. Whenever they came Father always offered them many things. He gave them food, clothing and even money. He gave them everything he had. In this way our expenses became greater and greater.

Consequently the money I earned through painting also had to increase.

It was a great pleasure for me to earn money and give it to Father. This was one of my greatest joys. If I painted more pictures I received more money, so the moment I could give this extra money to Father became a moment of great joy for me. When we think about this situation, we can compare Father’s position to that of a center leader, and my position can be compared to that of a fundraising member. So as you can imagine, I was responsible for fundraising. I earned money and Father witnessed. I then brought this money to Father to support his witnessing mission.

When I returned from the Army base, I had to prepare all the canvases, which took a lot of time. Therefore Father started to prepare the canvases for me during the day, so that I could start to paint as soon as I returned home. The more orders I received, the longer I had to work. So sometimes I had to paint until sunrise. I had to leave home at six o’clock to deliver my paintings. Sometimes I even had to paint until six o’clock. But usually I only had to paint until one or two o’clock in the morning.

When I was painting Father always watched me. When I had finished he also took care of the paintings: cleaning them and wrapping them ready for the customer. The following morning he would wake me up so that I could prepare to leave our home and deliver them. Actually fundraising was my mission at that time, so it was not necessary for Father to do this, nevertheless he did it every day.

In the beginning, as I was painting Father sat beside me, watching me. He often gave me guidance or suggestions. After some time he began to get more involved.

When many orders came they took a long time, so Father himself prepared the canvases and painted the background. After some time he also painted the people’s clothes. Later, we received even more orders so we had to work even harder! Then Father painted the people’s hair. So I only had to paint the face. Father did everything else.

One day a member who was a spiritualist came to see Father and stayed all day. It became very late so she had to stay with us overnight. She was a grandmother. She was so tired late at night that she lay down on the floor. There was no blanket to cover her, but she anyway lay down to rest. When Father saw this, he said to her, “This young man is now working, so it is not so good to lie down. If you want to take a rest you can lean on the wall.” In other words, Father asked her to sleep in a sitting position.

We can understand Father’s thinking and attitude through this. He did not think that fundraising was my responsibility alone. Father helped me until I had finished everything. Therefore I can say that Father painted these portraits, not I. So I earned money through painting portraits and gave this money with great joy to Father.

Father often reported to me about how he used this money. He told me how much money he received from me, and explained how much he used for rice, food and kerosene, how much he gave as a present to the members, etc. He went through each point in great detail.

When Father gave me this financial report his face was so sad. It was as if he wanted to say sorry for having used all the money. This was what I felt. But what I had done was so normal. I earned money. This was very normal, it was my mission. I was even feeling that I had not done enough. Then, when Father gave me such a detailed report I felt such a lonely feeling in my heart. First of all I felt that Father couldn’t trust me. The reason I felt this way was because I brought money to Father and he used it all. And the reason Father gave me such a report was because he thought I was wondering how he used it and wanted to know this. That means he didn’t trust me completely. When I thought about this I began to feel very lonely whenever Father gave me a financial report.

In fact, the reason Father gave me this report was not because he didn’t trust me. The reason why he gave me such a detailed report was because he felt indebted to me, he felt sorry. Father felt that earning money was also his responsibility, but since he couldn’t manage to do everything by himself, he had to ask me to do it. That was why Father felt so sorry. Father explained everything to me with this heart.

The reason why such a misunderstanding developed was because I considered fundraising as my mission and witnessing as Father’s mission. I separated everything clearly in this way. But Father’s attitude was that witnessing and fundraising were both his mission and responsibility. This misunderstanding developed because of our different points of view. Moreover, Father wanted to educate me, to make me inherit the true tradition and heart of God. Father was considering this point also, that’s why he felt responsible to take care of me.

When I was collecting orders from the American soldiers after work, I sometimes arrived home late. Whenever I came home late Father started to worry about whether something had happened to me or not. He came out to look for me and waited for me on the path leading to our home.

Through such experiences, the closer I came to Father, the more I could recognize the depth of his thinking. When I looked at Father from a distance I felt he was a great person. But through living together with him he seemed to be quite a normal person. Through living together and sleeping together and eating the same food and sleeping in the same place I began to feel that we were very similar.

Through having many common experiences, the longer we lived together the more I felt Father was a great person. Father lives for the sake of the world, for the cosmos and for God; every detail of Father’s life is for this purpose. In comparison, I was living for my own sake, from my point of view. In the beginning I could see only one aspect of Father, but the longer we lived together the more I could realize the depth of his thinking.

At that time we didn’t have Holy Salt. Such things were established after the Holy Wedding in 1960. So we couldn’t purify everything we bought. But through the small details of everything Father did, I could realize that he was not just leading a normal everyday life. For example, when we bought something or when somebody gave us a gift, or whenever Father ate something, he would blow on it first. I later realized that he was purifying it. At that time I was living a normal life, but when I noticed these small details I realized that Father’s life was totally different from mine. Through these small experiences I could discover the invisible side of Father, his depth of thinking and concern and the depth of his world.

If we would live like Father: for the sake of the family, the family for the sake of the clan, the clan for the sake of the race, the race for the nation, etc. If we would lead the life of servant of servants, the members who live with us would notice it through the small details of how we live.

I know Father’s lifestyle because we lived together. I know the depth of his character. Consequently, whenever I brought guests home I could naturally testify to them about Father’s greatness. After hearing these things they could prepare themselves internally to meet him. When they then received Father’s message they would remember that Father is really a man of God. With this foundation of understanding they took Father’s words seriously and received them without any resistance. This means that the guests not only listened to Father’s words, but considered the words plus the personality and heart expressed in his words.

When we think about this, we should realize that God and True Parents expect something from us. They guided us and gave us the responsibility of leadership with a certain expectation. So, when we as leaders understand Father’s expectation, we have to make an effort to become qualified to lead.

When I made a mistake Father didn’t accuse me, he never did this. He always used the Principle and God’s words and his exemplary way of life to teach me. In this way Father enabled me to realize my mistakes by myself.

One day Father was teaching the Divine Principle with all his heart in order to save the eternal life of a person. It was a very hot summer day and such a small room, so the atmosphere became really muggy. I was sitting beside him listening to Father’s words, and since I was tired I started to fall asleep. Father didn’t say anything at that time. But later that day he spoke to me about it.

Every evening before it became dark he would climb the hill overlooking the ocean to meditate. This was part of Father’s daily schedule. After this time of meditation we were coming down from the hill together and on the way we took a rest. While we were sitting down Father started to speak to me in a very quiet, gentle voice. He spoke calmly, saying, “When I am giving God’s words to a person it is not so good to sleep”. Father’s words were expressed so gently and tenderly, but these words really hit my heart and I couldn’t stop crying. Tears came one after another. Through Father’s daily life he taught me so many things.

There are many people who think that Father must have spoken a lot to the people who lived close to him. But this is not true. Actually Father did not speak so much to those who were close to him. Even when we really desired to hear Father’s words, if no guests came he wouldn’t speak to us. But if guests came he would speak to them. We would sit beside them and receive Father’s words as if they were spoken only for us. Otherwise we couldn’t listen to Father’s words directly.

When I was living with Father he didn’t give me this kind of message directly, but taught me through his life. So unless I really watched Father carefully I wouldn’t learn much. I could discover about living a life of purification through living together with Father.

I feel that as leaders we have to be respected by our members, because without going through Abel, Cain cannot return to the parents. So, as Abels we have to become the kind of people to whom a Cain can offer his life. We have to become such kind of Abels. Thus we should clearly know the kind of course Father walked. This is the course we too must follow. It is not too late to really follow his example. When your members look at you, if you are not really following Father’s example they will just look at you as a friend. If they don’t like you, they will not want to follow you. They will follow their own desires. Other

members may think they can do better than you. They will think, “If you make me a leader I will do better than you.”

They will think, “The Principle is one thing, but this leader is different.” They will not be able to accept their leader as the one who is the substantiation of the Principle. They will not look at their leader in this way. When they think this way, they will not want to bring their guests to their leader. Even if they do, they will feel that their leader cannot guide the guests in the right way.

Finally they will think, “When I have such difficulties with my leader and I bring my guest to him, he will get into difficulty as well.” So the members will not want to bring their guests to their leader, they will want to take care of them by themselves. Because of this, we must absolutely inherit Father’s tradition, no matter what.

What I have shared with you this morning is the right path to follow as an Abel. Even though we may feel that we are not qualified, let us really follow Father’s example and learn and inherit Father’s tradition.

We should not let such things happen, as when a guest comes he may think you are wonderful, but after living together with you he starts to think that your spiritual life is a disaster. This should never happen. If a new member ever thinks this, he will not be able to stay for long. So let us inherit a deep heart. This means that the closer a member comes to you, the more he should discover your deep qualities.

As a final word I want to say something which may sound rather funny to you. I want to explain how my thoughts about Father changed through living together with him. When I met Father, in the beginning I thought he was the kind of person who never needed to go to the toilet. At that time I was eighteen years old. Forty years have passed since then, and many times I noticed that Father went to the toilet. But even now I sometimes wonder whether Father really has to go to the toilet or not, because I realize that he is very different from us. You may think this is just natural, but Father is very different from us. Someday you may feel the same way. I would now like to conclude my talk for this morning.

Curated by Antonio Ciacciarelli