Save Parents [Dennis and Doris Orme] from Dying on the Street

My parents [Dennis and Doris Orme] are in crisis. They have been thus for the last few years. I have spent every penny I have and so sometimes don’t have, loans, borrowing to try to ease their suffering. I have flown them here in hopes they would live with us temporarily until I can get them into assisted living. I have flown to their mobile home in Florida and bought medical equipment, cleaned, organized, figured out food stamps, Medicaid and assistance. Nothing stuck. They repeatedly refused help, demonized me or withdrew. I wasn’t totally alone in this other family members and friends tried to with money and in some cases time.

The bottom line was that they lived too long and the small amount of pension that we legally got them in the 90’s ceased to exist. But the real issue was that my Mum developed Vascular Dementia, which has been progressing rapidly as my father outright refused to believe she had it, even though she would run away, scream, cry, throw things, knew him one minute and thought he was a stranger the next. With the dementia came incontinence, inability to walk properly, confusion and panic. Neighbours tried to help them. Social workers and police. Mum was declared a vulnerable adult by the state, but I could not gain custodial rights because although they thought my dad was suffering from exhaustion, delusions, paranoia and perhaps a nervous breakdown - mental illness does not make you a ward of the state.

My parents state when I last saw them was the stuff of nightmares. My dad had lost his teeth, he was in constant pain, he would fall asleep driving, cooking he would burn himself, he would wake up every two hours in the night to change my mum because he didn’t want her to be wet. Worse yet they would not listen to any advice from me, or anyone else and believed God would cure mum and that things would work out. In the end they stopped speaking to me as my practical advice went nowhere and they decided I was evil as I kept insisting that mum needed to be a home and or here near family and to be properly medicated. Dad only gave her herbs.

We had finally cornered them and their car was repossessed, neighbours drove them to the shops. They were receiving Medicaid and food stamps and me and other family members paid their utilities and sent extra funds when we could. They then decided the neighbours in FL were trying to kill them, sold their mobile home in FL and fled to Germany, because “God said”. My Father is a British citizen, my mum is American. They rented a car, drove around and stayed in B and B’s waiting for the millions God would provide. That was in March. We did everything we could to stop them. In turn they stopped speaking to any of us.

Since arriving in Europe my mum has been hospitalized 5 times, hemorrhaging, fluid on her lungs, swelling up, heart problems, psychosis and panic. Dad refused to give her the drugs to calm her down. They ran out of funds and were living in their rental car. My mum is 85, mentally and physically ill, my

dad is a broken man, also unwell who has lost all touch with reality and continues to put both their lives at risk. I am aware at this rate they may die soon, they will die someday soon anyway as they are elderly but I am desperate for them not to die on the street. As of this morning the rental car was taken from them by the police and they are homeless and starving. Sending money directly to them doesn’t work, in fact it never has, as then they get into another crazy scheme and end up worse.

We will all lose loved ones, hopefully in order of the circle of life, but to lose your parents to madness, dementia, mental illness, poverty and homelessness is very hard to cope with. I do not want them suffering. I have tried not to share their story as I know people will have their opinions, they did it to themselves, they were Moonies, they left the Moonies so “God is punishing them” (Moonie think), they have enemies, it’s so humiliating for them, it’s humiliating for me and my 3 children and all who loved them. However, the pride or secrecy that I hoped to maintain for their sakes doesn’t outweigh the need anymore. No one deserves to die or live like this.

I am working with the British and American consulates and the German government. Everything remains unresolved at the moment, no hard and fast answers. Basically they both need to be in care, they need psychological help, physical help and we are trying. I would take them into my home, although long term I could not cope, but they are unsure if dad can re-enter the US, or if mum is well enough to fly. I am aware one of them might die, mum came close twice in last month and quite apart from anything else I would need to bury her.

Lastly, my husband Jon and I are surviving, we have enough each month for food, rent, car payments and bills. We have no savings, don’t own a home, have no credit card and we live paycheck to paycheck. We live in a nice area, our kids attend decent schools and we are trying to rebuild our financial lives after 8 years of hell - called a recession - which should be declared a depression. Anyway, I probably need to fly to Germany whether I fly back with my mum, or to see about their care in a facility (which will take months to be available) or to bury her. I simply do not have the funds, nor does anyone I know. So in a last ditch effort, I am asking for help to give my parents a dignified end and to stop the nightmare that has become my life and their suffering. Anything would help. I will need upwards of $20K all things considered, particularly if I have to fly them back. Time is of the essence.

My parents for better or worse had many gifts, they were unique and I beg you if you knew them or just through me or not at all, to remember them kindly as they once were when they were their best or true selves. Not as the damaged souls they have become. Alzheimer’s and dementia are wicked. Age can be cruel. Delusions and magical thinking are sometimes vicious task masters. But no one deserves this. I lie awake night after night trying to solve this to no end.

Give at www.gofundme.com/DonnasParents