Excerpts from "True Love, Sex, and Health as Guided by the Words of True Parents

As I told you before, you are like air to me. You always exist deep in my bosom, and I cannot live without you.

Answers to General Questions on True Love and Sex

Q*: Why should we live a “life of attendance”? Could you please explain the purpose of such a life?

A: I chose to include this question in this book on “True Love, Sex, and Health” because a “life of attendance” are closely connected, not only with the “issues of love” – how we can receive God’s love and how and whom we should love – but also with the lifestyle to maintain and enhance health or “rules of health.” Let’s consider the question of why we should live the “life of attendance” by quoting True Father’s words.

Then, if we attempt to live a life of attendance, whom should we attend first? We must attend God first. The purpose of attending God is, after all, for the sake of our own development. In order for us to make progress, we must receive God’s love. Without receiving God’s love, you cannot advance yourself, no matter how hard you may make external efforts. You cannot develop yourself unless you become a person in whom God’s love can dwell. … When considering why we have to live a life of attendance in this manner, we should know that it is for the purpose of receiving God’s love. Therefore, first of all, everybody has to attend God. … We Unification Church members live a life of faith so that we may receive God’s love. Then, in what manner should we receive His love? It is True Parents that stand in such a position as the secondary owner of love upon the foundation of their spiritual and physical perfection centering upon God’s love. Thus, we come to the conclusion that there is no path other than doing our best in all sincerity centering upon True Parents. That life is what the Unification Church calls “the life of attendance.” In the past, people dedicated themselves to the spirit world or God through offering sincere prayer and setting up offering tables in Korea. You do not have to do so from now on. Our own life is the living offering now. Living a beautiful authoritative life worthy of receiving such love within a realm of God’s love is superior to the old ceremonies centering on the offering tables. As such a time has come, everybody must live a life of attendance to God and True Parents. Then, what kind of life is the life of attendance? It is a life of sincere devotion. People used to spiritually devote themselves to God in the old days. Nowadays, however, you are

to offer your filial piety and all sincerity towards substantial True Parents. … Thus, by understanding in that way and living a life of attendance, you can enter the realm of God’s love. You should know that you can stay within the realm of God’s protection, if you do so. (May 1, 1975)1

In this way, True Father says that the purpose of our attending God is, first of all, to receive God’s love and develop ourselves. In other words, we may also say that the reason we attend God is to attain happiness by receiving God’s love and safely settling down within the realm of God’s love. It is also very important for the maintenance and enhancement of our health for us to unite with God and True Parents, into one mind and one body, and safely settle down within the realm of God’s love and God’s protection. In other words, our life of attending God and True Parents is the lifestyle that those who attempt to fulfill “alignment with God” and “the high noon settlement” must practice as a matter of course. (For the meaning of “alignment with God” and “the high noon settlement,” see below in this chapter.) We can also say that the life of attendance is the foundation of the rules of health and one of the necessary conditions for us to attain the greatest happiness.

Q: Please comment on True Parents’ speeches that explain the fact that God will dwell within a Blessed couple when they become one body through sexual relationships.

A: That “God dwells within” us means that “God lives together with” us. It also means that “we are united with God.” One of the purposes of conjugal sex is to bring about complete unity with God. True Parents repeatedly state that God dwells exactly in the place where the Blessed husband and wife make love and are united. For example, they have stated:

God’s love and human love are the same in essence. Love causes oneness. Why do a man and a woman long for each other? It is because a man can possess God only through a woman, and a woman can possess God only through a man. In other words, they long for each other because God comes and dwells where a man and a woman have become one in love.2

In order to taste true love, we must have an ideal realm. For that reason, it is absolutely necessary for a man to have a woman and for a woman to have a man. Absolute man and woman who cherish true love are connected by making an effort. When absolute man and woman are united into one, you must know that God will come to dwell in them.3

1Sun Myung Moon, Koutenjidai-no Seikatsu Shinkou (Life of faith in the Age after the Coming of Heaven) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2005), 227-49. Newly translated for this book. 2 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, Book 4, True Family, 460. 3 Moon, Blessed Family and the Ideal Kingdom I, 244. Translation was revised for this book.

Only through the experience of two becoming one can we know the highest level of love. No one can absolutely deny these facts. Everyone should recognize this. At the place where a husband and wife become completely one, the ideal couple will be created. In that very place, absolute love exists. That place of love, which is absolutely unchanging, is the dwelling place of God. (August 10, 1997)4

God wants a love partner. Thus, centering on the place where a husband and wife become one through their sexual organs, God wants to appear and meet us. (August 1, 1996)5

Q*: And what do True Parents’ speeches say concerning the sexual organs?

A: Here is a typical speech of True Parents’ regarding the sexual organs from a recently published Japanese book.

Do you have the home of love? Women have their home of love, and men have theirs. However, the home of love that women have is not for women’s sake, but for men’s sake. And the home of love that men have is not for men’s sake, but for women’s. Where is the women’s home of love located? That is not located in women. The homes of love are cross-located in the opposite sex. Then, why are they cross-located in that manner? The exchange is necessary to connect the universe. This is possible only by love and impossible by any other thing. All people say that they own their bodies. As for love, however, they do not own it. Love is not owned by one’s self; it is owned by one’s partner. The owners of love are exchanged. Because of the exchange, intersections are made, and when such intersections are extended, a sphere appears. The words “holy place” and “most holy place” appear in the Old Testament, don’t they? The holy place symbolizes the human being, and the most holy place represents the home of love. The latter word refers to the home where we can love. Every human being has both the holy place and the most holy place. The holy place is where we can attend God. Then, what is the most holy place? The most holy place is where we make a relationship with God for the purpose of owning a privileged realm of the dominion of love. The most holy place means the position where we can connect with God. Our sexual organ is exactly the most holy place where we can make a direct

4 Moon, Blessed Family and the Ideal Kingdom I, 57. 5 Moon, Blessed Family and the Ideal Kingdom I, 44.

relationship with God. It is not what everyone can touch. The high priest who safeguards the most holy place is not two persons, but absolutely one person. If another person had ever stained and touched the most holy place, where the one who protects it must unlock it, the person who stained it would have been killed by lightning in ancient times. You have to know that it was Adam who had the key to the most holy place of Eve, and it was Eve who had the key to the most holy place of Adam. Then, you have to attend God and love each other at the place where you are to make a relationship of oneness with God. Not merely do a man and woman meet there. When a man and woman meet, the two are to receive God’s love at the position where the ideal of the creation of the universe, which represents heavenly principle, is realized. Then, we say, “We have to obtain sons and daughters that you want.” (June 20, 1984)6

In this way, True Father has been repeatedly teaching that the owner of a man’s sexual organ is his wife and that the owner of a woman’s sexual organ is her husband. And he says, “Our sexual organ is exactly the most holy place where we can make a direct relationship with God.” Thus, the meeting place of male and female sexual organs is “the most holy place where we are to make a relationship of oneness with God” and “where we are to receive God’s love.” Our sexual organs not only enable a husband and wife to become one, but also God and humans to become one. Therefore, speaking variously on the importance of the sexual organ, True Father has also frequently used the expression that our sexual organ is “the most holy place where God can dwell.” . Q: I’ve heard that in order to attain human health and happiness, “free sex” must disappear and “absolute sex” must be practiced centering on God’s true love. Could you introduce True Parents’ words about “absolute sex”?

A: I would like to cite True Father’s words on “absolute sex” from his three speeches in Cheon Seong Gyeong.

The sexual organs must be liberated. Thus, absolute sex is the opposite of the free sex of today. Absolute sex, unique sex, unchanging sex, and eternal sex! How lofty and precious are these four concepts! If the two organs remain separate as they are, no development can take place. They must be rooted in true love. True love begins from there. (September 8, 1996)7

6 Sun Myung Moon, Niseitachi-no Iku Michi (The way for the second generation to go) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2006), 224-24. Newly translated for this book. 7 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, Book 11, The Root of the Universe, 1764. Translation was revised for this book.

What would the Messiah bring with him? Absolute sex! He is coming for the perfection of absolute, unique, unchanging, and eternal sex. (September 22, 1996)8

The ultimate goal of God’s Kingdom is the perfection of true families. Within true families, there must be the ideal of a true nation and world. The term absolute sex emerges here as the tradition of true love that can influence a true world and nation. Absolute sex refers to absolute, unique, unchanging, and eternal sex. You can become one in love with your reciprocal partner, to whom you are linked centering on love, an attribute of God, only through sexual relations. (March 9, 1997)9

Q: Could you explain if there is a difference between the meaning of the Korean word “Jeoldae 절대성)” 절대성 in True Parents’ speech on the 47th True Children’s Day on November 21, 2006, Seong (절대성 and its previous meaning of “absolute sex”?

A: Let’s compare the two expressions in English. The English term “absolute sex” was introduced by True Father in his speech in Washington, DC in 1996 and became famous worldwide. He coined this term directly in English in his Korean speech “In Search of the Origin of the Universe” on August 1, 1996, at the commemorative speech of founding the Family Federation for World Peace. Thus, the term “absolute sex” is the term True Father introduced first in Washington, DC, in 1996, mainly in order to criticize and overcome “free sex.” The concept of “absolute sex” also contains the meaning to criticize homosexuality, polygamy, and celibacy for life. On the other hand, the Korean title of True Father’s speech on the 47th True Children’s Day, November 21, 2006, is now translated as “The Family Rooted in Absolute Sexual Ethics, Which Is the Model for God’s Absoluteness, Peace, and the Ideal, and the Global Kingdom.”10 Here, the English translation of the Korean word Jeoldae Seong is translated as “absolute sexual ethics” instead of “absolute sex.” (In the main text, “absolute sexual morality” is also used as a translation of the Korean word Jeoldae Seong.) I can say that the difference between “absolute sex” and the Korean word Jeoldae Seong is exactly the difference between “absolute sex” and “absolute sexual ethics.” “Absolute sex” in English indicates the “act,” whereas “absolute sexual ethics” means ethical values. Therefore, “absolute sex” mainly means the “sexual act between husband and wife who are absolute, unique, unchanging, and eternal, centering on God.” On the other hand, “absolute sexual ethics” means the “ethical values that regard as absolutely important such a God-centered sexual act between husband and wife who are absolute, unique, unchanging, and eternal.” As a matter of course, the concept of “absolute sexual ethics” also contains the meaning of the absolute importance of both purity (no premarital sex) before marriage and fidelity (no extramarital sex) after marriage. The concept of “absolute sexual ethics” (or “absolute sexual morality”) contains a very important

8 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, Book 11, The Root of the Universe, 1764. 9 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, Book 15, The Life of an Owner of Cheon Il Guk, 2268. 10 Moon, Pyeong Hwa Hoon Gyeong, 166.

ethical view on sex for us. Therefore, I will introduce True Father’s words regarding “absolute sexual morality” from the Tenth Message of Peace, which was delivered on the 47th True Children’s Day.

Absolute Sexual Morality and Conjugal Love … The first stage is maintaining absolute sexual purity prior to getting married. After we are born, we go through a process of growth. We pass through infancy and childhood in a very safe and secure environment embraced in our parents’ love and protection. We then enter the time of adolescence, which signals the start of a new and dynamic life as we forge relationships on a totally new level with those around us, as well as with all things of creation. This is the moment when we begin to travel the path to becoming an absolute human being—internally, through the perfection of our character, and externally, by reaching adulthood. Yet, at this time there is an absolute requirement that people must fulfill, no matter who they are. This is the requirement of maintaining their purity, which is the model of absolute sexual morality for human beings. God gave it to His children as their destined responsibility and duty, to be carried out in order to fulfill the ideal of creation. This heavenly path is thus the way toward perfecting the model of absoluteness in conjugal love. … Second is the model of absoluteness in the love of husband and wife. More precious than life itself, this is the heavenly law of absolute fidelity. Husband and wife are eternal partners given to each other by Heaven. Through having children, they become the co- creators of true love, true life and true lineage, and the origin of that which is absolute, unique, unchanging and eternal. This is because it is a heavenly principle that one person cannot give birth to a child by him- or herself, even in a thousand years. How can people who preserve their purity before marriage, and whom God binds together in a pure marriage as husband and wife, deviate from the way of Heaven and go astray, following a wrong path? … Ladies and gentlemen, the absoluteness of conjugal love is the greatest Blessing that Heaven has bestowed on humankind. Without adhering to the principle of absolute sexual purity, the path to the perfection of one’s character and spiritual maturity is closed. Furthermore, without securing the foundation of absolute sexual morality within a true family of perfected individuals, it is impossible for God to manifest with dignity as the incarnate God of character. In order for God, the absolute being, to have direct dominion over our lives and to live and share joy with us, we who were created as His object partners and children must assume the form of a perfected family based on the standard of absolute sexual ethics, as God intended. Only within the boundaries of a family upholding absolute sexual morality is it possible to create relationships based on an ideal model of sexual ethics for life as it

should originally have existed. This life includes the three-generational realm of grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren. Please understand clearly that God’s eternal life and a person’s eternal life are possible only on this foundation. Therefore, if Adam and Eve had achieved individual perfection—the perfection of character—by upholding the principles of absolute sexual purity, in accordance with God’s will, and then entered into conjugal relations through His Blessing, they would have attained complete oneness with Him. God would have dwelt within their union. Their children also would have been linked to this holy order of love, enjoying a direct relationship with God as their parent. In other words, the marriage of the perfected Adam and Eve based on absolute purity in conjugal love would have been God’s own marriage. God is forever God, but at the same time Adam and Eve were to have become His incarnations. They would have become God’s body. God would have settled inside their minds and hearts to become the True Parent of humankind in both the spiritual and physical worlds, on the foundation of absoluteness in conjugal love. (November 21, 2006)11

Q: Could you share and explain True Parents’ speeches that endorse the 10 points of the daily-life habits checklist?

A: I would like to present True Parents’ speeches that support the habits on the checklist.

1. We should always walk hand in hand when we go out with our wife/husband.

As for “walking hand in hand,” I would like to introduce True Parents’ speech delivered on the one-year anniversary of Ssang Hab Shib Seug Il (Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives).

It has become a rumor here that Reverend Moon is always walking hand in hand with his wife. Usually in Korea, the husband keeps walking on and on ahead of his wife, who walks behind him. Then, the wife wonders, “How busy is he, walking that fast?” Reverend Moon, however, walks hand in hand with his wife. (May 5, 2005)12

True Parents, who are the greatest example to Blessed couples, always “walk hand in hand” in their daily life not only in the United States but also in Korea. Up until now, just like in Japan, Korean top leaders such as the President and the First Lady, a chairman or president of a major company and his wife have never had a habit of walking together hand in hand in public in Korea. All the Blessed couples, however, should emulate True Parents and practice the culture of true

11Moon, Pyeong Hwa Hoon Gyeong, 170-74. 12Sun Myung Moon, “A speech delivered at the Offering Ceremony of the Headquarters of the FFWPU,” Family (July 2005): 47. Newly translated for this book.

conjugal love in the Age after the Coming of Heaven without being influenced by the traditions of the past. Hyung Jin Nim also always walks hand in hand with his wife, Yoen Ah Nim. When he frequently guided our school’s Hoon Dok Hae in the second semester of 2006, he always walked hand in hand with his wife between a car and our Chapel on the fourth floor before and after the meetings without fail. I was very happy to see its scene. As we can tell from the practice of using our fingers and palms during the Holy Song sessions at Cheongpyeong Training Center, “special spiritual energy” comes out of our fingers and palms. So if we walk hand in hand as a couple, we can receive the effect of a hand massage, which contributes not only to our couple’s spiritual health but also to our physical health. “Walking always hand in hand” just like True Parents is part of the “rules of health: Become the absolute Blessed couple with one heart and one body” that I recommend wholeheartedly. I translated Ssang Hab Shib Seug Il as the “Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives,” which was the day of the first Ahn Shi Il, May 5, 2004, and the beginning of the Age after the Coming of Heaven. Ssang means “a pair.” Hap means “unity.” Ship means “ten,” which also symbolizes perfection and totality. Seug means “victory.” Il means “day.” When we walk hand in hand, we should think that “walking hand in hand” means unity of a husband’s five fingers and a wife’s five fingers and symbolizes the “Day of Total Victory with the Unity of a Pair of Fives” and the beginning of the “Age after the Coming of Heaven,” when God can dwell within us.

2. We should always hold our spouse’s hand when we watch TV together. 3. We should always hold hands in bed and have peaceful pillow-talk before falling asleep.

I would like to introduce Dae Mo Nim’s speeches about holding hands intimately while watching television and while in bed before falling asleep.

True Parents hold hands while watching TV and while walking outside. True Parents always hold hands in their daily life. You know it, don’t you? True Parents say, “Follow us by watching our lives.” I sometimes watch how True Parents are doing in their life. When they watch TV, how are they doing? They are watching TV while holding hands. When they listen to music, they are listening while holding hands and responding to the rhythm. Our family must resemble such True Parents. (March 27, 2002)13

You must not simply go to sleep when you sleep at night. You should sleep holding your husband’s hand or other part. … When watching TV after dinner, you and your husband must not sit apart. For

13 Dae Mo Nim, “Let’s know myself and change my life,” A speech at the 61st 40-day workshop, CheongShim 7 (November 2002): 27. Newly translated for this book.

example, while watching TV, you should hold your husband’s hand and put it on your lap or put your hand on the husband’s knee or use his lap as a pillow. If you act in this way, you can receive love from your husband in many ways. But many wives do not act in such a way. Love is what you nurture and create with your own effort. (July 13, 2004)14

Some couples sit apart as if they were fighting when they watch TV, or when they keep eyes on their children playing. That is not good. We can say a husband and wife were utter strangers to each other in the past from some viewpoint. Therefore, without each other’s efforts to stay close and to care about, they gradually drift apart. Therefore, you have to sleep holding each other’s hand and watch TV holding each other’s hand. (August 24, 2004)15

It seems that many Japanese Blessed husbands are not good at expressing love in their daily life. They repeatedly recite “absolute faith, absolute love, and absolute obedience.” Nonetheless, when it comes to practice, many of them seem to be hesitant in practicing True Parents’ and Dae Mo Nim’s advice in their daily life obediently like a small child. In particular, many middle-aged and older husbands in their 40s and above tend to resist throwing away old and familiar habits and avoid practicing completely new ones in their daily life. When we come to think of it, we Blessed couples have miraculously encountered the greatest teacher in human history who can teach us how to practice true love in our daily lives and how to attain the greatest happiness as a couple, not only by words, but also by showing us the best example (ideal model). We Blessed couples met a miraculous opportunity of inheriting the greatest Heavenly fortune and happiness through our True Parents. Nonetheless, if we don’t practice their teachings about our conjugal life, which have been not only taught by words but also concretely shown by the best teacher in human history, the greatest Heavenly fortune and happiness will fly away from us. I recommend that all Blessed couples practice these words obediently by throwing away any preconceived ideas of the fallen world in the Age before the Coming of Heaven. Those who cannot practice obediently due to fixed ideas of this world are unfaithful and foolish persons who have given up becoming a couple of the greatest happiness. I used to be a typical Japanese man who was poor at expressing love. Nonetheless, by faithfully following True Parents’ and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches, I tried and then made it a rule to hold my wife’s hand while in bed before falling into sleep and while watching television together. I have always felt very peaceful and happy feelings through holding each other’s hand. Now my wife and I always hold each other’s hand whenever possible because it feels very good. My wife always says, “It is my happiest time

14 Cheongpyeong Training Center, Role of a True Wife, 13-14. I revised translation. 15 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., All Was Love: Dae Mo Nim’s Words and Testimonies of Grace (Japanese version), (Gapyeong-gun: Cheongpyeong Training Center, 2004), 124-25. Newly translated for this book.

to have ‘pillow talk’ holding each other’s hand in bed.”

4. We should take off all our clothes and sleep naked in one bed every night.

As for “sleeping naked” in the Age after the Coming of Heaven, I have already quoted True Father’s words: “From tonight on, a husband and wife must sleep completely naked” and explained their providential meaning in another section of this book. Therefore, focusing on “sleeping together in one bed,” I will introduce Dae Mo Nim’s and True Parents’ words.

A husband and wife must sleep together under one quilt and live feeling love from each other just like in Korea, but many married couples in Japan sleep in separate futons or beds. It is fundamentally wrong. (August 22, 1998)16

Also in another family, the husband used a back room, and the wife used a small room and lived separately. Such a life is really wrong. You all sometimes fight with your husbands, don’t you? Even when you fight, you must absolutely not sleep in a separate room by taking your pillow with you. (July 13, 2004)17

True Father also said, “a husband and wife should sleep naked in one bed, not in two separate beds” at Cheongpyeong Training Center after the pledge service of True Children’s Day in November 2006.

You husbands and wives should take off your clothes completely and sleep naked every night, embracing each other in one bed, not in two separate beds. Then, is it possible for a husband and wife to quarrel every day? Is it possible for them to quarrel in the morning and sleep together at night? It is impossible. (November 21, 2006)18

5. We should call each other at least once a day in the daytime and always keep in touch.

I would like to introduce Dae Mo Nim’s speeches about the importance of a couple’s staying in touch with each other during the daytime by making phone calls. The first one is her speech at the 5th “Husbands’ 8-Day Registration Workshop.” The second one is her speech at the Women’s 40-Day Workshop. Both speeches were delivered at Cheongpyeong Training Center.

16 Dae Mo Nim, “Messages from Dae Mo Nim 2,” Family (December 1998): 59. 17Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 16. 18Sun Myung Moon, “Rev. Moon’s words after the Pledge Service of the 47th True Children’s Day,” at Cheongpyeong Training Center, http://ww3.familyfed.org/FujioFolder/1121Pubu.mp3.

Therefore, if you do not make any call to your wife, not even once, in the daytime before coming home, and if your wife is not sure what you are doing in the daytime, we can say such a husband is wrong. Some husbands have long talks with others over the phone, but hesitate to make a call to their own wife. During the lunch break, you should not think, “Because my wife is an adult, she has of course finished her lunch.” Rather, you should become a husband who makes a phone call to your wife during the lunchtime and ask, “Did you really have lunch?”(January 28, 2002)19

During the daytime, a wife visualizes her husband working hard outside the home. … Of course, if the wife can have faith in her husband, it will be an admirable thing. But you should become a wife who makes a phone call and asks, “What did you eat for lunch? Was it delicious?” (July 13, 2004)20

As I mentioned in another section, my wife and I have come to talk on the phone twice a day because we live separately in New York and in Korea. Always staying in touch with each other through the phone has been of great help to our heart-to-heart relationship.

7. We should always send off and welcome home our husband (wife) by holding his (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at the front door when he (she) goes out for work and comes back from work.

I will introduce True Father’s words concerning a wife’s attitude when her husband comes back from work. This speech was delivered at the Japanese Women’s Workshop in Korea in 1993.

When your husband comes back from work, you should not stay in a back room but stay near the front door and say “Darling!” Every husband wants to listen to such a word at least three times. When the husband comes back with fatigue and exhaustion and when he desperately wants to receive some words of comfort from his wife and children, if his wife says from a back room away from the front door “Who is it!” three times without knowing the husband’s exhaustion, it will completely deflate the husband’s loving feelings for his wife in an instant. Therefore, taking these things into consideration, around the time of the husband’s anticipated return, you should wait for him near the entrance and then say to him, “Darling!” at the first sign of his return. Nothing else can give greater happiness to your husband than this. This greatly encourages your husband, and he

19 Dae Mo Nim, “Husband is love,” A speech at the 5th Husbands’ 8-Day Workshop, CheongShim 6 (April 2002): 36. 20 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 16.

thinks, “Sure enough, my home is the Heavenly Kingdom.” (December 21, 1993)21

I will also introduce Dae Mo Nim’s speeches on a husband’s and wife’s attitudes, respectively, when a husband leaves home for work in the morning.

According to the wishes of almost all wives, when their husband leaves home for work, some wives want him to hug his wife and other wives want him to hold his wife’s hands or kiss her. Have you done that? There are more husbands who have not done that than those who did. Those who say, “I have done that,” only practiced it once in a very long while. Is that true? That is not good. You should make the wife’s hands and the husband’s hands, the hands of loving hot feelings, remain hot all day long. If you do that, you will come to watch no other woman but your wife. Other women will become invisible to your eyes. Therefore, you must really become a husband who can hold your wife’s warm hands and who can affectionately hug your wife and kiss her. (January 28, 2002)22

A husband has to become a person who can give absolute love to his wife. In particular, some husbands in the Unification Church are expressionless in the morning. Look at men in the secular world. They are not like that. You have to become a husband who can embrace your beloved wife even in the morning. When you become a husband who touches her breasts and hands in the morning, your wife can live on such love at home during the day. The person who lives on her husband’s love is the wife. When the wife eats such love, she can live during the day for the sake of her husband and children. Husbands do not know it. When a husband leaves home for work, he should hold his wife’s hands, hug her tightly, touch her breast, or kiss her. If a husband acts in such a way, his wife will be enchanted and filled with feelings of euphoria, thinking, “I am the happiest woman in the world.” Is it true or not? (March 27, 2002)23

You also should not simply let your husband go to work in the morning. At least hold his hand when you see him off. (July 13, 2004)24

When Mr. Kamiyama stayed in Danbury Prison with True Father, there was a time for prisoners to see their wives and families. When True Mother visited True Father, they always kissed each other intimately in public. True Father also ordered Mr. Kamiyama to kiss his wife, who regularly visited him, boldly in public without hesitation. One of the things Mr. Kamiyama learned from True Father in prison

21 Sun Myung Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea) vol.2 (Tokyo: Kogensha, 1995), 55. 22 Dae Mo Nim, “Husband is love,” CheongShim 6 (April 2002): 36. 23 Dae Mo Nim, “Let’s know myself and change my life,” CheongShim 7 (November 2002), 26. 24 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 13.

was the importance of expressing affection between a husband and wife. In fact, watching Mr. Kamiyama’s hesitant attitude toward his wife, True Father ordered him to “teach our members to express affections more openly between a husband and wife” after his release from the prison.25 As representatives and successors of True Parents, we are expected to inherit the manner of expressing our affections from True Parents and should complete one heart, one body, one mindset, and one harmony as a husband and wife just like True Parents. Many Japanese men seem to be poor at expressing affection to their wife. Throwing away the old culture of conjugal relations in Japan in the Age before the Coming of Heaven, Japanese men need to learn and inherit the new culture of true conjugal love that True Parents have shown us as an ideal model. True Parents taught us, through their actual life, the life of true love in order for us to become couples of the greatest happiness. Dae Mo Nim spoke to Blessed wives about the importance of getting rid off past habits in order to become a “wife whom the husband absolutely needs” at the Cheongpyeong 40-day Blessed wives workshop. She said:

If you think, “I feel embarrassed; I cannot act like that because of my shy character,” you will never be able to change yourself. A wife has to pull the family in order to establish a true family by all means. Only then can we create a true family here on earth and go to the spirit world as a true family. The habits of our daily lives are very fearful things. If you fought and failed to become one with your husband here on earth, do you think you can immediately smile at him and spend time with him, even if you went to the Kingdom of Heaven? Because our daily-life habits are eternal, even if we went to the Kingdom of Heaven, these habits of our daily lives on earth would get applied fearfully exactly as they were. Therefore, unless we change our daily-life habits, we cannot become filial sons and daughters in front of God. As I always say, we have to change our daily-life habits here on earth. (July 13, 2004)26

8. We should talk to each other politely with respect.

Dae Mo Nim spoke to women about the importance of a wife’s words toward her husband as follows:

You have to watch your language. When you speak to your husband, you should not roughly say, “Did you do it?” “Did you eat?” or “When do you come back?” You do not have to say it too politely by using “Could you please?” or “Would you please?” But at least you should use good words and respect your husband. If you respect your husband, your children can respect him as their father. (March 27, 2002)27

25 “Interview with Mr. Kamiyama: Experience in Danbury Prison,” Today’s World (July 1985): 30. 26 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 21-22. I revised translation. 27 Dae Mo Nim, “Let’s know myself and change my life,” CheongShim 7 (November 2002): 26.

As a matter of course, a husband should also speak to his wife with respect. Some languages (e.g., Japanese) have a conspicuous difference between male daily language and female daily language and an implicit bias in language against women in their daily life. We should make efforts to speak a new language of true love in the new Age after the Coming of Heaven.

9. We should do Hoon Dok Hae (i.e., reading True Parents’ speeches) together every day.

10. We should make love two or more times a week and make an effort to give birth to three or more children.

Dae Mo Nim spoke about sexual life as a couple to Blessed wives at the Cheongpyeong 40-day workshop in the summer of 2004.

God explains about the act of love, saying, “Play as much as you want,” and, “The more you make love, the greater the joy and beauty that are generated.” When a man and woman give and receive beautiful love with each other, an inseparable bond of heart is created between the two. The act of love creates an emotional bond. It is not that the emotional bond is there first, and then you make love. You should not think in reverse. You must not say, “I do not feel love, so how can I make love to my husband?” You are to nurture a loving heart while making love. Then a man and woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts. Then the family becomes happy. When you act in that way, the wife will not feel discontent, and the husband, too, will not feel discontent. (July 13, 2004)28

Additional Points:

1. We should sometimes go to a coffee shop only as a couple and enjoy talking with each other over coffee or tea.

It is important to have time only with your spouse without the children and to talk with each other in a calm place of good atmosphere. This practice is mainly for the sake of wives, who are usually not satisfied with their husbands because men would otherwise not listen to women’s words attentively and to the full extent. Dae Mo Nim even recommends that a couple have a trip to stay overnight or a couple of days away from their home without children so that a husband can sufficiently listen to his wife’s voice from her heart and liberate her resentment and misunderstanding. In her speech on the importance of

28 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 16-17.

listening to the wife’s voice, she said,

Men’s thinking is very simple. That is different from women. Husbands easily forget a wife’s wrongdoings after a certain period of time. But that is not the case with women. In some cases, women never forget the memory of her husband’s wrongdoings even until the time of death. Therefore, if a husband wants to be liberated from his wife’s resentful memory, he should make a trip of two nights and three days’ stay or so away from home only with his wife. At first, after briefly talking with her, the husband is to say, “If you have something you want to say to me, please tell me everything.” At the beginning, his wife may say a lot of what is beyond his understanding. In spite of that, the husband should keep on listening to her. Even if the wife’s talk does not make any sense and is a result of her huge misunderstanding, even if he wants to run away from the place, and even if he comes to feel like wishing to die quickly as a result of her talk, he should endure. Saying, “Is that so?” and “Is that so?” the husband should keep on listening to his wife. Then, after she said everything she wants to say, she will not say anything because she has nothing left to say. In this way, when the wife has uttered everything inside her, the husband should love and treat her as if she were a small child, saying, “Now I see. Now I see.” From here, if the husband and wife begin a new conversation, the family can make a happy family. (July 13, 2004)29

2. We should sometimes see a movie/video with our spouse holding each other’s hands affectionately.

If you do not have enough time or money to enjoy a movie at a movie theater, you can also borrow dramatic, touching movies and enjoy them at home holding each other’s hands affectionately.

3. We should sometimes participate in a voluntary service program together with our spouse.

If you participate in one of the various voluntary service programs to help the handicapped and the extremely needy caused by diseases, accidents, or natural disasters, you will naturally come to feel the heart of gratitude for your health and the relative comfort of your life, even if you are not rich. According to many scholars, to have a higher public purpose in common is very beneficial to married couples’ uniting into one heart and one body. Our Unification movement has also a number of Service for Peace projects to help the handicapped and the needy caused by diseases, accidents, and natural disasters.

29 Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 7-8. Newly translated for this book.

Finally, on the married couple’s relationship, I will introduce True Father’s speech, with which I have come to agree wholeheartedly.

Unlike the relationship between parent and child or between brothers and sisters, the conjugal relationship is not an absolute one from the beginning, as it is not bonded through the blood relation. It involves truly revolutionary determination and resolution, where a man and a woman, who have lived under different environments and circumstances of growing up, meet with each other and create a new life together. Nonetheless, the conjugal relationship will change into a stronger, more absolute one than the blood relations, if a couple unites into one heart and one body through true love. Everlasting and inexhaustible treasures are hidden in the conjugal relationship. If the bond of marriage is once made centering on Heaven, it will grow into an absolute relationship that is eternally inseparable. (2 December 2004)30

In this manner, True Father says, “the conjugal relationship will change into a stronger, more absolute one than the blood relations, if a couple unites into one heart and one body through true love.” I really hope that Blessed couples will discover the “everlasting, inexhaustible treasures” hidden within such absolute conjugal relationships, and that they can live the happiest conjugal life filled with soul-stirring, joyful memories.

Q: Do you have any advice about the brightness of the bedroom when sleeping and while making love during the night?

A: When a husband and wife make love in a room, there is usually a difference between them in the favorite brightness of the room. The husband usually likes a bright room because men are excited by visual sexual stimulation and feels pleasure just by watching. In contrast, women are not so much interested in visual stimulation. Therefore, a wife usually likes a dimly lit room in which she can focus on stimulation from touching. Some newly married wives, especially Oriental women, suffer from an inferiority complex about the dark color or shape of their sexual organ, or the growing areas of pubic hairs. They are too shy to make love in a well-lit place. As I introduced in the book on Unification Ethics, vol. 2, quoting medical doctors’ words, darkening of the skin color of the female (and male) sexual organ results from healthy secretions of sex hormones. It is not the result of excessive sexual experiences or masturbations.31

30 Sun Myung Moon, Kouten Jidai-no Seikatsu Shinkou (Faith in life in the Age after the Coming of Heaven) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2005), 85. Newly translated for this book. 31 For more information on the husband’s misunderstanding about the darkening color of his wife’s sexual organ, see Masuda, Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, 121-22.

In the fall, green persimmons turn red without exception. In the same way, it is verified that external sexual organs of Oriental women, who have more melanin than white women, become dark brown without exception when they become adults, passing adolescence. Even sexual organs of Oriental virgins who have never experienced sexual intercourse and masturbation become dark. The dark color of a wife’s sexual organ is evidence that she has matured healthily. Therefore, the husband should praise the contrast of color of your wife’s sexual organ, so that she can feel relieved and loved. Thus, it would be good that a newly married couple decides the brightness of the bedroom through a frank conversation between a husband and wife considering the feelings of each other. My recommendation is that the newlywed husband not insist on the brightness of the bedroom during lovemaking, but follow the wishes of his wife at the initially. Beginning with a relatively darker room, they can sometimes change the brightness of the bedroom later on, when the wife feels more comfortable with her naked body. True Father said at a 40-day ideal family workshop at Jardim, “A husband and wife should open and show each other all their secret parts,” and “It is necessary for a wife to have an attitude of openly showing everything to her beloved husband, even the secret part that she has never opened and shown to other people.” Therefore, we can say that Blessed wives who are too shy to make love in a lighted room are disobedient to the Will of God. Dae Mo Nim also says that a wife has the responsibility to completely open her sexual organ, which symbolizes all beautiful Creation, to her husband, and let him enjoy it. In such a way, the wife needs to impress her husband with amazement at God’s Creation and God’s heart of love. It seems that many couples generally like to make love in a room with moderate light, not too bright and not too dark, so that they can romantically enjoy making love affectionately for a long time.

Q: Can you explain the “three magic phrases to produce miracles” that can, reportedly, heal diseases and bring happiness?

A: Three magic phrases are “Thank you,” “I am grateful,” and “I am lucky; I am lucky.” Dr. Tsuyoshi Itsukaichi introduced these in his booklet Magic Phrases That Bring Luck. The effects of these three phrases have been reported in popular journals for health in Japan, and the numerous reports of their dramatic effects created a great sensation in Japan. The content of Dr. Itsukaichi’s advice agrees with what True Parents have always taught us. There is a knack to knowing how to use these three magic phrases. It is as follows. 1) When a bad thing happens to you, say, “I am grateful.” 2) In contrast, when a good thing happens to you, say, “Thank you.” 3) You should have a positive attitude and keep on saying, “I’m lucky, I’m lucky.” You should say, “I’m lucky” not once but twice or repeatedly. When True Father gave a lecture and kept on standing for a long time at the Japanese Women’s’ Workshop in Korea, he felt great pain in his feet and could not stand any more. At that time, Father

softly touched his feet and appealed to his feet with gratitude, “My feet, my feet, thank you very much for working hard until today. Please hold out more.” Consequently, the strength of his feet came back, and he was able to stand up and gave the lecture again. True Father says that we should be able to say, “That is good,” even in difficulty and pain. Even when we are in difficulty and pain, if we keep on saying, “I am grateful for allowing me to go the way of quickly paying great indemnity for restoration,” without never complaining about it, new luck will inevitably come to us as we complete all the indemnity conditions. Therefore, even though you might be sick and in pain, if you keep on saying, “I am grateful for this. Thank you,” without complaining, you can successfully set up the indemnity condition and pass through the period of indemnity. Consequently, you can come back to the original state of happiness.

Those who can feel happiness even in pain are the happiest people. At that time, they are not really in pain. Those who feel joy only in a happy position are likely to fall and separate from us when they encounter difficulty. However, those who can go down and find happiness there cannot separate from us. The more these people go forward, the more happiness comes. Thinking in this way, you have to seek a difficult life. You have to be able to say, “That is good,” even in a difficult life. Satan always seeks for a good place, so a good thing continues for a moment. Therefore, you have to know that the life with power that can digest a difficult place and a sorrowful place is a healthy and graceful life in your path of faith.32

When you get sick, if you think, “Oh! I’m sick and going to die,” you will surely die. If you think, “The reason I got sick is that God wants to give me a blessing and better health,” then you will get healthy. You will get healthier than before. If a disease invades and leaves me, I will get healthier than before.33

In this way, True Parents tell us that even when we get sick, if we live a life of gratitude always, with a positive worldview instead of becoming pessimistic, we can recover from disease and restore our health. As I mentioned earlier, Dr. Itsukaichi tells us in his book that we should say, “I’m grateful” when we encounter a bad thing or a difficulty, and “Thank you” when our wish comes true or a good thing happens to us. These two phrases are different merely in their expressions but exactly the same in their meanings. Therefore, they can be paraphrased as “We should always be thankful and

32 Sun Myung Moon, “Mikotobakara Miru Kenkou (Health from the viewpoint of Rev. Moon’s speeches) 1,” Shukufuku Katei 31 (Winter 2003): 173. For a Korean source, see Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 34, 141. Newly translated for this book. 33 Moon, “Mikotobakara Miru Kenkou (Health from the viewpoint of Rev. Moon’s speeches) 4,” Shukufuku Katei 34 (Fall 2004): 174. For a Korean source, see Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 118, 326. Newly translated for this book.

grateful” without any complaint or murmuring even in any kind of sickness or difficulty. This is what our True Parents have been teaching us over and over again since the early years of our church. These are True Parents’ words on the importance of “always living a thankful and grateful life” in any situation of difficulty:

If I think God’s suffering up until now is, after all, for my sake, and if I think that God is going to take up 95 percent of the responsibility of the pioneering providence in the world from now on, also for my sake, we cannot but be grateful to God. Therefore, what is the essence of our life of faith? It is having a heart of gratitude to God. Having such a heart will become the foundation for God and yourself to be united into one by overcoming the fateful result of the fall. Will you become grateful only when you come to stand in a good position in this world? No, that is wrong. God has not been toiling for us only when we had a good time. He pledged to strive even more when we were in hardship. Therefore, today, if we want to attend God as our Father, when we are in a hardship, we must be more grateful to God, who has been working and fighting for our sake, than when we are in a good situation. Therefore, it is not until you understand this principle that you can be grateful to God even on the serious way to your crucifixion.34

God has never been able to rejoice since the beginning of history, after the creation of human beings. Have we members of the Unification Church gathered here to make God suffer or to give Him joy? Have we gathered here to give Him joy or to give Him sorrow? It is to give Him joy. Then, if we are to give Him joy, what do we have to do? Do we have to live crying? Or do we have to live smiling? We have to live smiling. We will come to the conclusion that if we want to live for the sake of God, we will have to live smiling. In the Garden of Eden, where they lived attending God, Adam and Eve should have lived smiling for God and consulting with Him. They could not smile or consult with God, which became the cause of the fall. You must know this. Therefore, religious people can meet God centering on the place where they live a life of gratitude. You must know that you can never meet God in the place where you complain and murmur.35

Q: You have said that there are two aspects of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart.” What does that mean?

34 Moon, Kouten Jidaino Seikatsu Shinkou (Life of faith in the Age after the Coming of Heaven), 143-44. Newly translated for this book. For Korean source, see Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 29, 338. 35 Moon, Kouten Jidaino Seikatsu Shintou, 146-47. Newly translated for this book. For Korean source, see Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 75, 28.

A: Whenever we recite the Family Pledge, we pledge to “perfect the Four Great Realms of Heart.” It seems, however, that only a minority of members currently understand the comprehensive meaning of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart” based on True Parents’ speeches. Even some church leaders have explained only one aspect of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart” in their lectures or books. Frankly speaking, at the beginning, I also taught students of Sun Moon University only one aspect of its meaning, which is a meaning from our common sense, due to my preconception. The one aspect of the meaning I taught was not wrong. It is not sufficient, however, to teach only the one aspect of the meanings even though there are two (or more) aspects. If we carefully read True Father’s speeches about the “Four Great Realms of Heart” in the book on True Families and the Family Pledge, we can come to understand both aspects.36 The “commonsense” meaning of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart” is to fully experience and incarnate “children’s heart,” “sibling’s heart,” “conjugal heart,” and “parental heart” step by step by passing through each stage during the whole life. I described this aspect of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart” as “substantial,” “vertical,” and “diachronic” completion in my book on Unification ethics. It seems that True Father’s speeches for this meaning are widely known. Therefore, I completely omit introducing True Father’s speeches of this meaning here again. In order to understand the two aspects of the meaning of “perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart,” it is important to understand the second aspect, which is not so well known as the first one. The second aspect is to experience and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart through a heartistic relationship of “conjugal love,” which is called “representative love.” I used to call this “symbolic,” “horizontal,” “simultaneous,” and “synchronic” perfection, but I decided to use the term “perfect/perfection” only in the case of “substantially perfecting the Four Great Realms of Heart.” True Father’s speeches give the highest authority to our understanding. Therefore, here I will introduce his speeches on the Four Great Realms of Heart in the meaning of “symbolic,” “horizontal,” “simultaneous,” and “synchronic” experience and incarnation of these realms of Heart through “conjugal love.”

We must be aware that the position of husband and wife [of the Blessed Family] is the union of a son and a daughter, the union of a brother and a sister, the union of a husband and a wife, and the union of a father and a mother, within God’s family. When we see from the viewpoint of the Four Great Realms of Heart, the husband and wife stands in the position of the absolute object partners that enable the married couples to perfect these realms of heart.

36 See Sun Myung Moon, Cham Gajeong-gwa Gajeong Maengse (True families and the family pledge) (Seoul: Sunghwasa, 2001), 161-73. In my view, the two aspects were not clearly explained in Cheon Seong Gyeong (English version) book 16, 2439–49 because of omission.

Therefore, the husband stands in the position that enables the wife to receive ideal son of God, to receive an elder brother of Heaven, to receive a husband of Heaven, and to receive a father of Heaven. The corresponding case is also true with the wife in relation to her husband. (March 27, 1994)37

A man must have his wife perfect the daughter’s realm of heart, the sibling’s realm of heart, the conjugal realm of heart, and the mother’s realm of heart, that is, the Four Great Realms of Heart of woman. Likewise, a woman must have her husband perfect the Four Great Realms of Heart through conjugal partnership. After the conjugal love is consummated, your wife is like a twin child who was born together with you. Then she becomes your sister while you become her brother. Two persons cannot be separated. Then she becomes your wife and the second self of your mother at the same time. If you destroy the conjugal love relationship, it will mean that you destroy all of the children’s realm of heart, the sibling’s realm of heart, the conjugal realm of heart, and the parental realm of heart all at once. What is the love relationship? That means to become one. Once the two bodies become one through sexual organs, then it is finished. Therefore, you must think of your wife as your little sister. You must think that you and your wife were born together as twins and will die together at the time of death. Your spouse has such an important value. When such a love relationship with your spouse becomes perfect, then you will become a perfect son or a daughter of God.38

Although it is not clear, I interpret the following speech of True Parents in the 14th Message of Peace of Pyeong Hwa Hoon Gyeong to mean that the substantial perfection of the Four Great Realms of Heart can be attained on the foundation of the symbolical experience and incarnation of the Four Great Realms of Heart through “conjugal love.”

The Four Great Realms of Heart and the Three Great Kingships would have been fulfilled had Adam and Eve not fallen. But for the Fall, they would have fulfilled these and become God’s royal family. This part of the Family Pledge refers to restoring fallen people and making them into the royal family. The families who receive the Marriage Blessing need to fulfill this mission. Conjugal love should take place where the Four Great Realms of Heart and the Three

37 Moon and Moon, Chamgajeon-gwa Segye Pyeonghwa (True family and world peace), 406. Newly translated for this book. Also see Moon, Chamgajeong-gwa Gajeong Maengse, 165; Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 259, 45. For other English translation, see Moon and Moon, True Family and World Peace, 187; Moon, “True Families and the Family Pledge,” Cheon Seong Gyeong (English version) book 16, 2442-43, which contains unclear translation. 38 Moon, Chamgajeong-gwa Gajeong Maengse, 167; Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 266, 147. Newly translated for this book.

Great Kingships are achieved. For a man and a woman to receive love from each other, they need to stand in such a position. Otherwise, they are not to love each other. Yet these realms and kingships cannot be realized without love. That is why man absolutely needs woman, and vice versa. (June 13, 2007)39

Next, I will introduce True Father’s speeches on the topic that a woman in the fallen world can restore the “Four Great Realms of Heart” only through her relationship of heart with the Lord of the Second Advent as bride and bridegroom. We cannot understand this concept of restoration unless we know the second aspect of experiencing the Four Great Realms of Heart through “conjugal love,” which is called “representative love.” It is related with the “symbolic,” “horizontal,” and “synchronic” experience of the Four Great Realms of Heart. The following speeches of True Father are concerned with such a “symbolic” experience and restoration of the Four Great Realms of Heart on the part of fallen women.

Therefore, if women can not experience and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart, we cannot correctly place the turning point of the cosmos. At the moment of the Fall, women lost the Four Great Realms of Heart, four great hearts. Women have lost children’s heart, sibling’s heart, conjugal heart, and parental heart all at once. When can a woman experience and incarnate these realms of heart as a course of the restoration through indemnity? She has to experience and incarnate these realms of Heart in the same way. That is the moment of encounter as bride and bridegroom, which history has been seeking after centering on Christianity. That is the very moment of encounter. At that moment, unless each and every woman experience and incarnate the heart of God’s daughter, the heart of a sister, the heart of a wife, and the heart of a mother in an explosive way, she will not change, and the cosmos will not change. (December 20, 1993)40

Unless you women experience a daughter’s heart, a sister’s heart, and conjugal heart—up to the level of the heart of engaged woman (fiancée)—all through me, you cannot accomplish restoration. Without this process, you cannot be restored to the original position. I must bring up sisters to the level of their original lives in the Garden of Eden. In this way, I must create true sisters and true wives. This is my responsibility. Then, I entrust my beloved sisters to men who are in the position of Archangels [through the Marriage Blessing]. Therefore, these men must serve the women as their queens for three years. If not, they will deviate from Heavenly law. It is the same with

39Moon, Pyeong Hwa Hoon Gyeong, 259–60. 40Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), 170. Newly translated for this book.

me. I have followed all [of Heavenly law], deciphered all, and made the formula course. So, you must follow the formula course. (February 21, 1999)41

When Eve fell, she destroyed the Four Great Realms of Heart because of one man. Therefore, if a woman wants to restore them, she will have to welcome one man through whom she can completely experience and incarnate these realms of heart all at once. Without him, there is no way to restore them, and no way can come into existence where True Mother can stand as True Parents. Therefore, it is necessary to welcome one man in order to make a woman completely experience and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart all at once. … Therefore, when a woman looks at me, I stand in the position of the king of sons, the king of elder brothers, the king of husbands, and the king of fathers. The Four Great Realms of Heart mean the realms of heart of a son and daughter, a brother and sister, a husband and wife, and a father and mother. I am the center of the victorious manifestation of the Four Great Realms of Heart. Therefore, from the viewpoint of a woman, I stand exactly in the position of her husband. This is not my personal heart, but I have to embrace her in my heart. I have to make her set up a condition in which she has passed through the heart of a daughter, the heart of a sister, the heart of a wife, and the heart of a mother by embracing her in my heart. Nothing can derail her from the development of such a heart. There is no other way because it is restoration through indemnity. Eve went over to Satan and hell through the same situations, so because of restoration through indemnity, she has a 180-degree reversed course. Therefore, it is difficult for a woman who stood in such a realm of heart to revere the course.… A woman cannot find the way to the Heavenly Kingdom unless she completely experiences and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart and reverses the direction. There is such a principle, so you do not feel bad when you meet me as a woman. According to your feelings, I stand in the position of your twin brother and in the position of your husband. Therefore, True Mother is your elder sister, and you are younger sisters. You have to become the second selves of True Mother. True Mother stands in the position of the victorious representative who has completely experienced and incarnated the Four Great Realms of Heart. So, you cannot be restored unless you become the second selves of such a True Mother. (December 21, 1993)42

41 Sun Myung Moon, “Let’s liberate True Love itself,” Family (April 1999): 33. 42 Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), vol. 2, 34-35.

The reason I emphasize the comprehensive understanding of the “perfection of the Four Great Realms of Heart” is that the “symbolic experience and incarnation of the Four Great Realms of Heart” through “conjugal love” is deeply related with how to practice love between a husband and wife in our daily lives. Therefore, I again summarize its process. An ideal couple can taste all Four Great Realms of Heart—children’s heart, sibling’s heart, conjugal heart, and parental heart—through their conjugal relationship. Conjugal love is also referred to as “representative love,” which means that the husband is a representative of all men in the family while the wife is a representative of all women in the family. In other words, a husband represents the grandfather, father, elder brother, younger brother, and son, as well as husband, whereas a wife represents the grandmother, mother, elder sister, younger sister, and daughter, as well as wife. Therefore, Blessed couples can symbolically experience “children’s love,” sibling’s love,” “conjugal love,” and “parental love” only through the relationship of heart between a husband and wife. In effect, Blessed couples can symbolically and simultaneously experience and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart only through conjugal love as representative love. As we symbolically experience and incarnate the Four Great Realms of Heart through the relationship with our spouse, we must also make an effort to substantially perfect the Four Great Realms of Heart through giving birth to and raising children with a real parental heart. Such a life course is absolutely necessary for our eternal happiness. When a husband tries to symbolically experience the Four Great Realms of Heart through his wife, the most difficult thing seems to be to experience the heart of a father toward his wife. Let us think about what a husband can do to experience the heart of a father, that is, what the husband can do for his wife to experience the heart of a daughter. The most basic thing to do is do a job that requires strong muscles as her father used to do when she was a little child a long time ago. If you go for a walk and carry your wife on your back once in a while when you and your wife exercise together, it will help her experience such a heart of a daughter. In fact, I once carried my wife around a track in a park, saying to my wife, “Today I hope you taste the heart of a daughter. So I would like to carry you on my back.” My wife who was carried on my back seemed to have experienced the heart of a daughter (a child) and the heart of a younger sister (sibling) a little bit. At the same time, I experienced a little of the heart of a father and the heart of an older brother symbolically. I received this idea by watching a scene in a Korean TV drama, “A Fairy Tale of Autumn” where the older brother walks carrying his younger sister on his back, and I tried to reproduce the scene. Just as a girl toddler likes to walk hand in hand with her parent, if you walk hand in hand with your wife, it will help your wife re-experience the heart of a daughter. If there is a big family bathroom with a washing area outside a bathtub like in Japan, it will help your wife experience the heart of a daughter if you wash her back just as she took a bath with her father and had him wash her back when she was a small girl. As she used to lie down on her father’s lap and had him clean her ear wax when she was a small girl, it will help your wife symbolically re-experience the heart of a daughter if you do the same to

your wife by having her lie down on your lap. It will also help your wife symbolically re-experience the heart of a daughter who received a father’s love if you clip her finger nails and toe nails. If you give her a cute gift like one she received from her father when she was small, she may experience the heart of daughter. A husband must make conscious efforts to love and practice if he wants his wife to experience the heart of a daughter through him, and if he wants to experience the heart of a father through his wife symbolically. I am convinced that if all men on earth related to their wives as if they were their own dear loving daughters and loved them in such a way, divorce disputes would completely disappear. True Father says, “The conjugal relationship will change into a stronger, absolute one than blood relations, if a couple unites into one heart and one body through true love.” (December 2, 2004) 43 It is not until we completely experience the Four Great Realms of Heart through the conjugal heart relationship, even if it is symbolically, that we can experience the “everlasting, inexhaustible treasures” hidden within such a conjugal relationship. Thus, we can say that couples can establish an “absolute relationship that is eternally inseparable” only by experiencing the Four Great Realms of Heart through the conjugal relationship. That is because a husband and wife are not related by lineage at all, but as a result of the process of experiencing the Four Great Realms of Heart through the conjugal relationship, if a husband and wife come to feel their spouses as if they were their real mother or father and as if they were their genuine daughter or son, it will mean that the conjugal relationship has changed from “human destiny,” which we can change, to “eternal destiny,” which is absolute and cannot be changed forever.

43 Moon, Kouten Jidai-no Seikatsu Shinkou, 85.

Chapter 3 True Love, Sex, and Health for Relatively Young Couples

In this chapter, I introduce practical guidance for Blessed couples in their 20s, 30s, and 40s who have the possibility of pregnancy and childbirth. I will refer to these couples as “relatively young couples” in contrast to “couples in the menopausal years.” The practical advice in this chapter is also largely based on True Parents’ speeches.

Q: This is a question about external preparations for a couple’s lovemaking. In a recent speech, True Father said, “A wife who insists on her husband’s washing his genitals before having sex is not a good wife.” Could you explain what we should think about washing the genitals in preparation for lovemaking?

A: In my Japanese book on Unification ethics (vol. 2), I introduced True Father’s old speech that “a husband and wife had better wash their genitals with water before going to bed every night” as preparation for making love.1 I also mentioned that men should wash their genitals with cool water, which will have the good effect of a cool water massage of the genitals (testicles). True Father recently stated, however, that a wife who insists that her husband wash his genitals before having sex is not a good wife. In this world, it is reported that the kind of woman a man will adore most is the one who will clean his genitals with her mouth and tongue, overcoming the concept of uncleanness. In a speech that True Father gave to Japanese wives, he said, “Even if you swallow the whole, you will not feel dirty about any part—this is love that overcomes the fear of death.”2 According to my interpretation, True Father gave this speech with men’s genitals in mind. I will introduce True Father’s speech that a wife should not insist that her husband wash his genitals before having sex.

How much power does love have? The power of love digests the fear of death. Even if you swallow the whole, you will not feel dirty about any part—this is love that overcomes the fear of death. What is the world of true love like? A Japanese woman cleans up rooms well. Her husband goes to work in the morning and comes home after 5:00 pm. She makes dinner and prepares a bathtub to welcome home her tired husband. She is looking forward to seeing her husband. As soon as her husband comes back saying, “Hi, I’m back!” she says, “Welcome home! Dinner is ready.” Or do you say, “Please take a bath”? A Japanese woman thinks that after her husband takes a bath and eats dinner, she will go to bed with her husband when night comes. A wife should first think about welcoming her husband to bed immediately, but Japanese women are likely to say, “Take a bath first!” (Laughter) There is some truth in it; it is not necessary to take a bath first. In the world of animals, when a male dog and a female dog meet and copulate, do they wash their sexual organs? They never wash their sexual organs. Have you seen dogs wash their sexual organs? Without saying any word of greeting, they put the male convex and the female concave together. They recklessly rush to each other, just as human beings rush to a restroom without wearing a mask. (Laughter). Do animals wash their sexual organs after thinking whether the convex is clean or not? Think of it. Japanese women may be completely knocked down to hear this. Is it pitiful or happy that Japanese women cannot make love in such a way as animals? Can Japanese women be proud of such a style of sexual relationship? We can state things in this way. (March 11, 2004)3

On the other hand, if a wife wants her husband to do cunnilingus (genital kissing), she should prepare her genitalia by washing them. True Father has recommended kissing the female sexual organ as a “warm-up exercise” (foreplay).

1 For an external preparation for a couple’s lovemaking, see Masuda, Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, 68. 2 Sun Myung Moon, Kamisama-no Sokoku-to Shinshin Toitsu (God’s homeland and unity of mind and body) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2005), 104. 3 Moon, Kamisama-no Sokoku-to Shinshin Toitsu (God’s homeland and unity of mind and body), 104-5. Newly translated for this book. 26

As for husbands’ attitudes, a caring husband who is deeply in love is not someone who insists that his wife wash her “smelly” genitals before making love, but someone who can sincerely admire her genitals and gladly kiss them with his mouth and tongue, even if they smell of urine. And if he wants his wife to gently kiss his genitals, he had better prepare his sexual organ by washing it clean.

Q: Why do all people want to kiss?

A: The feeling of wanting to kiss one’s object of love is an expression of the desire to become united with them. We can say that we all feel like kissing our own beloved husband or beloved wife because such a feeling is an expression of natural instinct between a man and woman. True Parents spoke to us that “When you see the person you like or love, you all want to hug and kiss him or her. This desire is a natural instinct between a man and woman.”4 Next, I will introduce True Father’s words why people want to kiss.

What is it “to love”? Is it to love to turn the back on each other? There are love of the formation stage, love of the growth stage, and love of the completion stage. What do a man and woman do first? They kiss, don’t they? Then, it goes downward. Why do all people want to kiss? A mouth works to provide food and drinks. It is related with the origin of life. Therefore, a mouth symbolizes God. Then, what is the word? The word also symbolizes God. A mouth has such two contents. Therefore, we kiss when we try to express love. When we love, we all kiss, even to children. When your younger brother was born, you kissed him because he was cute, didn’t you? Is it a sin, or not? When you kiss, God comes down there from Heaven. (May 17, 1981) 5

Q: When is it a good time to do a “deep kiss using the tongue” as True Father has recommended?

A: True Father has repeatedly told us that “A husband and wife should kiss using the tongue,” which is also referred to as a “deep kiss,” “French kiss,” or “tongue-to-tongue kiss.” I have also repeatedly heard directly from True Father that we should “kiss artistically by using the tongue” on many occasions, such as gatherings at East Garden, the 40- day workshop in Jardim, Brazil, and the Registration Workshop in Cheongpyeong. As for a good time to do the deep kiss, I can say that good times to do a deep kiss would be 1) during foreplay before making love, in other words, when we want to make love; 2) when we want to feel the greatest feelings of unity, ecstasy, and orgasm during sex; and 3) when we want to prevent the husband’s premature ejaculation and make love for a longer time. Deep kissing is much more stimulating than normal kissing on the lips. It takes more time for women to reach sexual excitement than men. Nonetheless, if a husband does deep kissing passionately, it will shorten the necessary time of foreplay for women. In other words, deep kissing can shorten the time for a wife to reach sexual excitement and have more love juice come out in her sexual organ within a shorter time. Even if a wife is not eager for sex, if her husband kisses her passionately with love by using the tongue, she will soon become sexually excited and eager to be united with her husband, not only through her mouth, but also through her sexual organ. Therefore, it is obvious that couples should avoid deep kissing when it is not desirable for them to get sexually excited, for instance, when a wife sees off her husband in the morning as he leaves for work. If a wife kisses her vigorous husband passionately at such a time, she will be brought back to the bedroom by her sexually exited husband. When a wife feels an irresistible desire for sex, she can passionately kiss her husband by using the tongue. Then, he will immediately become sexually excited and eager to make love with her. Hence, both husband and wife can use deep kissing as a sign or a tactic when they want to make love. Furthermore, a couple will come to realize an unspeakable sensation of complete unity, ecstasy, and God’s dwelling within them if they do deep kissing, not just as foreplay but during sex when their lower bodies are deeply united together through their sexual organs. That is because it also enables the upper bodies to be united together through the mouth by each other’s inserted tongues. As a result, deep kissing during sex makes the husband and wife completely become one, not only at their lower bodies but also at their upper bodies. As we can see in the next speech, True Father said that when a couple wants to reach the highest orgasm in lovemaking, they should “experiment” by deep kissing.

4 Moon, Makotono Katei (True family), 127. 5 Sun Myung Moon, Niseitachi-no Iku Michi (The way of the second generation) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2005), 218-19. Newly translated for this book. 27

I would like to cite True Father’s speech on deep kissing delivered on March 20, 1994. The deep kissing mentioned in this speech is not that of foreplay but that of reaching the highest orgasm and ecstasy while the husband and wife are united.

When your husband kisses you, does he kiss your lip, teeth, or tongue? Or, does he kiss your whole mouth? … When you swallow your husband’s saliva, do you feel it stick in your throat? When you reach orgasm, you swallow more of his saliva. Do you have such an experience, or not? Answer clearly. Even though you know what I say, what are you ashamed of? When you kiss, have you ever licked your husband’s tongue, or not? Every time you kiss, you did so. (Laughter) If her husband pulls out her tongue about 10 cm in this way, even a graceful woman says, “Ah!” and holds her husband tightly. When the husband is on the top and the wife lies down, if he does so, she will hold her husband tightly. When she reaches orgasm, she is glad of it and holds him more tightly. Have you ever done this, or not? (Laughter) When the husband kisses the wife lying under him, if he pulls out her tongue like this and pushes it in flatly and if the wife inhales air saying, “Hah!” then all her stress will evaporate. Please experiment as I say. (Laughter) … It is important to understand these things correctly. It is to make a conjugal life a work of beautiful art. That is an important issue. … Even though you swallow the husband’s saliva,… There are many kinds of kiss: kiss of the mouth, kiss of the lips, kiss of the teeth, and kiss of the tongue. We will gain a desire to spread the tongues completely like a squid and to put them together all at once. It is true. Therefore, try to pull out your husband’s tongue about 15 cm. The husband feels happy. He will never say, “Oh, my wife pulled out my tongue 15 cm, so I will sue her and divorce.” On the contrary, he will say, “My wife is wonderful!” and remember it for a long time. The man who has experienced such an act of love will never be interested in sexual relations with other women. (March 20, 1994) 6

Deep kissing is a necessary condition to “kiss in an artistic way.” It is also one of the necessary conditions to make conjugal life into a work of beautiful art. In other words, deep kissing is indispensable to making the conjugal life a work of beautiful art. Couples who always live an artistic conjugal life are filled with fresh joy and gratitude to God for His amazing creative power and love. As for the good time to do the deep kiss, I can add another occasion. That is when a couple wants to prevent the husband’s premature ejaculation in lovemaking. When a husband and wife are physically united in making love, if a couple concentrate on an artistic deep kiss by stopping or almost stopping the thrusting motion of the pelvis, it can prevent the husband’s premature ejaculation because the energy of sexual stimulation moves from his penis to the upper part of the body and then spreads to the whole body. It is reported that deep kissing is helpful for this purpose as well. True Father has advised Blessed couples to “experiment” with the artistic deep kiss while making love. Therefore, a husband who has a tendency to ejaculate prematurely should test whether the passionate deep kiss can make it possible for the couple to make love for a longer time. A wife who is dissatisfied with her husband’s premature ejaculation should reflect whether she has frequently performed the artistic deep kiss while making love. I recommend that Blessed couples repeatedly practice the artistic deep kiss with their tongues while making love when they want to enjoy their physical unity for a longer time. Even during periods when sexual intercourse is prohibited, such as the early stage of pregnancy or just after the delivery of a baby, deep kissing is permitted. Therefore, it is desirable for a couple to actively practice deep kissing as an expression of mutual love, so that they can perfect the “artistic kiss” recommended by True Father.

Q: I have a question about kissing the sexual organ. Could you introduce True Father’s speech in which he recommends that Blessed couples kiss the spouse’s genitals?

A: First, I will present True Father’s speech on kissing the sexual organ.

Do you like a man’s sexual organ best? Do you like a woman’s sexual organ best? Have you ever kissed each other’s sexual organs? (Yes) How do you like the taste? There is no taste, but it is the

6 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s words on conjugal love,” Bonhyangin (January 2004): 7. Newly translated for this book. 28

most exquisite and infinitely endless taste. It is the taste we can never forget even after we had a dream for a thousand years. Therefore, there is no better taste than that. We are to say “Amen” centering on it. There is no other thing to begin with. We have to know this. (November 3, 1998) 7

By reading this speech, we can tell that True Father has personally practiced kissing the spouse’s sexual organ and that he clearly recommends that Blessed husbands and wives kiss the sexual organ of their beloved spouse. True Father has never used the English terms “fellatio” or “cunnilingus” as far as I know. Nonetheless, to repeat fervent and passionate kissing of a man’s genitalia will become so-called fellatio. Likewise, to repeat fervent and passionate kissing of a woman’s genitals will become so-called cunnilingus. “Fellatio” and “cunnilingus” are practices that are generally called “oral sex.” As we can see in the above speech, True Father has recommended that wives gently “kiss the sexual organs” of their husbands as foreplay before sex under normal conditions. Especially when the husband becomes middle-aged or older, he frequently needs a warming-up time to become sexually excited and fully erect. In such a case, it is regarded as a desirable act for a wife to kiss her husband’s genitalia because it is very effective and helpful. Nonetheless, according to my interpretation, True Father does not recommend a wife’s passionate fellatio on her husband with the purpose of his ejaculation under normal conditions. This is because the husband’s ejaculation through such fellatio will not only postpone a couple’s physical unity but also become a kind of contraception. Unlike women, men quickly fall into sexual apathy after ejaculation; their level of sexual excitement sharply declines after reaching orgasm. Therefore, if a wife performs fellatio on her husband and brings about his ejaculation, it will make his immediate insertion difficult and delay bodily unity with his wife. It is usually not desirable for a wife to perform fellatio ending in ejaculation, because it will not serve the purpose of the physical unity of husband and wife, pregnancy, and childbirth. Rev. Tim LaHaye, an American evangelical Christian minister and a famous counselor on conjugal life, also advises couples not to use oral sex “as a substitute for coitus.” 8 He finds, however, no problem in practicing it as a part of foreplay. God wants both husband and wife to feel the greatest pleasure of sex simultaneously. Despite this, if a wife performs oral sex (fellatio) on her husband and brings about his ejaculation, her act will end up as the pleasure and euphoria of the husband alone. Nonetheless, there are exceptional situations when a husband cannot have vaginal sex, for example, because of his wife’s pregnancy, recent childbirth, menstruation, or disease of her reproductive organs. In such cases, it is possible to interpret that the wife is allowed to practice fellatio on her husband so that he can reach ejaculation. This is because such an action can contribute to the couple’s unity and intimacy of heart. It can also contribute to preventing the husband from committing the fall and to preserving the precious Heavenly lineage. I have heard that True Father stated at a workshop in Jeju Island some years ago, “If a woman after childbirth drinks her husband’s sperm fluid, it will be very good for her recovery.” It is also reported that if men periodically ejaculate, it can contribute to maintaining the health of their prostate by eliminating unnecessary fluids. Thus, we can say that it is recommended for a wife to drink her husband’s sperm fluid by practicing fellatio and by having him ejaculate into her mouth if she is not allowed to have vaginal sex due to her immediate postpartum period. It seems that a husband will come to love his wife all the more if she swallows the whole glans of his penis with her mouth without the slightest concept of it being dirty and gladly drinks his sperm fluid despite its taste. On the other hand, as mentioned in his speech, True Father recommends that a husband gently kiss his wife’s sexual organ. Furthermore, because he has emphasized the importance of a husband’s act of foreplay for his wife, I am sure that True Father also recommends that a husband practice passionate cunnilingus on his wife, even if it leads to his wife’s orgasm. Thanks to God’s great work of creation, women, unlike men, can reach orgasm a second or third time immediately after the first one, even in one lovemaking session. Therefore, if a woman reaches orgasm during foreplay, a husband does not have to get panicked; she can still reach orgasm again, this time with her husband if he continues to stimulate her after his insertion. All women are gifted with this latent capacity for multiple orgasms, though many women have not realized such a capacity.9 In other words, even if a woman reaches orgasm during foreplay ahead of her husband, she can still feel an even stronger orgasm the second time simultaneously with her husband after his insertion because she is gifted with such a special privilege as a woman. Moreover, it is verified that for women, unlike men, the second or later orgasm is generally stronger than the first. Therefore, viewing it from either an ethical or physiological perspective, we can find

7 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s words on conjugal love,” Bonhyangin (October 2004): 9. Newly translated for this book. 8 Tim LaHaye and Beverly LaHaye, The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love, Updated ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999), 288. 9 According to LaHayes’ survey, only about a quarter of wives have “always,” “regularly,” or “periodically” experienced such multiple orgasms. See LaHayes, Act of Marriage, 217. 29

no problem in women’s feeling orgasm by cunnilingus before her husband’s insertion. Rather, we can even say that it is recommended. Especially, it is reported that if a couple wants a baby boy, it is important for them to make love with sufficient foreplay accompanied by an explosive orgasm on ovulation day. A receptive vaginal environment for the Y-sperms, which form baby boys, is created when the wife secretes plenty of alkaline love juice, which will activate the Y-sperms, and when the husband vigorously ejaculates a large amount of the sperm fluid deep inside the vagina right after his wife has reached explosive orgasm. Y-sperms can become more active than X-sperms, which form baby girls, in the alkaline environment, and orgasm makes a woman secrete more alkaline fluid at the cervix inside her vagina. Therefore, if a couple wants a baby boy, it will be desirable for them to have sufficient time of foreplay, including cunnilingus even to the level of the wife’s reaching her first orgasm. It is verified that the second orgasm makes women’s sexual organ less acid or more alkaline than after the first one and thus heightens the possibility of the birth of a baby boy.10 As Rev. and Mrs. LaHaye suggest, however, a husband should never coerce his wife into performing fellatio on him. According to the findings of a survey by Rev. and Mrs. LaHaye, nearly half of the wives of American couples with evangelical faith answered that they “do not like” or “hate” to perform fellatio on their husband. This shows that nearly half of these wives either consider men’s sexual organs to be dirty or unclean because they are also the outlet of urine or because of some other reasons. In other words, these women are very fastidious about cleanliness and have a feeling of repulsion against caressing their husband’s sexual organs with their mouth or swallowing it. I guess there are far more Blessed wives who have very strict ideas of cleanliness than the statistical result of nearly 50 percent among American evangelical Christian women, because many Blessed wives have been taught to strictly cut their relationships with “fallen men” before their Marriage Blessing. Nonetheless, True Father has repeatedly stated that, unless married couples completely overcome the concept of “uncleanness,” husband and wife cannot perfectly become one. He told Japanese Blessed women, “Even if you swallow the whole, you will not feel dirty about any part—this is love that will overcome the fear of death.”11 True Father has also stated that “love makes you feel bad smells as perfume. Therefore, there is nothing dirty in loving.”12 True Father spoke to Blessed wives as follows.

You often tell your husband to wash his sexual organ after going to a toilet because it is dirty. What animals make love in such a way? You should be able to say, “Please come as soon as possible without washing anything and without washing your hands.” You should be like this. “Because I really yearn for love, I have forgotten the smell.” That is real love. It is not good that you cannot love because of the smell. That is true. I said that the speed of love was the fastest. Is it true? (Yes) “It had smelled, but oh, I have already kissed it…” This is a fact. If you look with God’s eyes of true love, there will be nothing dirty. God created every part of the human body. God created all these things. Who else has created them? (May 1, 1998) 13

Taking such words by True Father into consideration, a wife should at least make efforts to come to feel like kissing her husband’s sexual organ gently with her lips once in a while as an expression of love, although it is not recommended that the wife perform passionate fellatio that results in the husband’s ejaculation under normal conditions. A husband, however, should never demand or force his wife to perform what she dislikes or hates to do for various reasons. It appears that there are women who are obsessed with cleanliness in a much higher ratio among Blessed wives than in the secular world. Therefore, men must have kind consideration. A husband must have special consideration for his new wife, especially at the beginning of their married life together. On the other hand, because sufficient foreplay is absolutely necessary for a woman to reach orgasm, it is clearly recommended that a husband kiss his wife’s genitals. In my view, if a husband does not perform it, a wife can nag him to do so. Genital kissing or fellatio is usually not necessary for men to reach orgasm. For young men with a tendency for premature ejaculation, a wife’s act of fellatio will worsen the symptom. In contrast, as True Father has advised us,

10 According to a study in Japan, “the acidity of vagina at an ordinary time was pH 4.0-5.6, after the first orgasm, it became pH. 6.4, and after the second orgasm, pH 7.2.” If pH number is larger than 7, it is alkaline, and if its number is smaller than 7, it is acid. See Shiro Sugiyama, Akachan-no Umiwake-hou (How to give birth to a baby girl and a baby boy) (Tokyo: Natsume, 2000), 90-91. 11 Moon, Kamisama-no Sokoku-to Shinshin Toitsu (God’s homeland and unity of mind and body), 104. Newly translated for this book. 12 Moon, Uchuno Konpon (The root of the universe), 278. 13 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s words on conjugal love,” Bonhyangin (October 2004): 9. Newly translated for this book. 30

women absolutely need plenty of foreplay to reach orgasm. Therefore, True Father has also advised us that “a husband should do everything a wife asks for” with regard to our sex life.14 Furthermore, the kind of foreplay that is necessary for a woman to reach orgasm is the kissing and caressing of not the urethral opening but the clitoris. It is possible for a husband to kiss the wife’s genitals by fully avoiding the urethral opening. Husbands should practice genital kissing by keeping in mind that the most necessary foreplay for his wife is to kiss or caress the clitoris. In addition to the clitoris, the genital area of the “vaginal vestibule,” which is from the clitoris to the vaginal opening, and the mucous membranes inside the inner lips, are also women’s erogenous zone. So we can say that it is most desirable for a husband to gently kiss and caress these parts as well as the clitoris with his fingers and tongue for his wife to get ready for insertion. I will cite one more speech by True Father in which he suggested that Blessed couples practice genital kissing. True Father suggested what we should do when a husband or wife is about to go to the spirit world as follows.

When a husband or wife is about to go to the spirit world, it is good for them to have a completely private time and place. Looking back their love relationship, the wife (husband) may well clean the dying spouse’s sexual organ, which is the palace of love, life, and lineage, with a wet towel. And the wife (husband) should gently kiss good-bye to the sexual organ of the dying spouse. Then, the wife (husband) can let the dying spouse touch her (his) sexual organ in order to confirm each other’s absolute, unique, unchanging, and eternal love relationship as a husband and wife. This is not what you must do absolutely, but it is desirable to send the dying spouse to the spirit world in this way, if possible. (December 7, 2000)15

From this speech by True Father, we can say that it is desirable for a Blessed couple to gently kiss the spouse’s sexual organ once in a while, if not every time of lovemaking, in their daily life as an expression of love. Around the time of the spouse’s death when a Blessed couple practices True Parents’ advice on genital kissing, if they have never practiced it before, they will have to experience genital kissing for the first time in their whole lives and probably feel uncomfortable with it. True Father apparently gave this speech to us with the assumption that a Blessed couple gently kisses each other’s sexual organ with love at least once in a while in their daily married life. This speech is advice for such Blessed couples in love who practice occasional genital kissing in their daily lives. Medical doctors say that genital kissing or oral sex is harmless to one’s health. Nonetheless, this is limited to the case that a husband and wife are both in good health, as in the case of normal sex. If either the husband or wife is infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD), the spouse will also inevitably be infected very quickly. Likewise, if either the husband or wife’s mouth is infected with STD germs, their mere genital kissing or oral sex will result in infecting the spouse’s sexual organ. Recently, health specialists have pointed out that “herpes of the mouth also infect the sexual organs.” With regard to genital kissing and oral sex, couples should be careful about this fact in order to maintain their health. The pathogenic virus for herpes of the mouth is simple herpes type 1, and the pathogenic virus for genital herpes is simple herpes type 2. Therefore, it was previously understood that they would not infect each other. Nonetheless, largely due to the popularization of oral sex, it is reported that cases of infection from mouth to genitals and genitals to mouth are now vastly increasing. Nowadays, it is reported, “The majority of simple herpes infecting sexual organs of Japanese women is type 1.” This is regarded as the obvious result of widely practiced oral sex (cunnilingus). Therefore, if we have canker on the lips, we should never make contact with the sexual organs.16

Q: On the 43rd True Day of All Things in 2005, True Parents mentioned “throat-hole kissing.” I can guess what it is, but could you explain what kind of kiss this means?

A: First, I will introduce the mentioned part of True Parents’ speech at Cheongpyeong Training Center on the 43rd True Day of All Things, June 7, 2005.

A woman touches her husband’s bush of underarm hairs and says, “Oh, this is harder than my underarm hairs. Why is it long like this?” The wife might also ask, “Then, is it OK to touch the large

14 See Sun Myung Moon, “My responsibility,” Speech on 28 August 1995, Shukufuku 86 (Fall 1995): 69. 15 Damian J. Anderson, [World Ties] 00-12-12. SMM: Speech at East Garden on 7 December 2000. Newly translated for this book. 16 For details on “herpes of the mouth infecting the sexual organs,” see Yoshihito Hayashi, Seikansensho-no Jyoshiki-no Uso (False commonsense of “STDs”) (Tokyo: NHK-Book, 2006), 150-52. 31

village17 below that?” (Laughter) Why are you laughing? Do you ask it or not? (We don’t ask it.) Without asking it, if you touch the upper village and the lower village, next you will want to touch a beard, which is something bigger. You will kiss it saying, “Oh, this is a very good beard! What does this storage keep?” Then, do you like lip kissing, tongue kissing, teeth kissing, or throat-hole kissing? (Laughter) There are many kinds of kisses. (June 17, 2005)18

According to my interpretation, what True Father refers to as the husband’s “beard” is his genitals. Because it is not a tradition of Blessed families to grow beards, husbands do not have beards. As evidence that the “beard” mentioned here is not a normal beard, True Father added “something bigger” and “what does this storage keep?” Therefore, “beard” is a metaphor for the husband’s sexual organ. When a wife touches the woods of pubic hairs in the lower part of her husband’s body (translated as “large village” or “lower village”) after touching the brush of her husband’s underarm hairs (translated as “upper village”), it is obvious that the part she will want to touch next is the husband’s sexual organ under the pubic hair. Therefore, when True Father says, “You will kiss it saying, ‘Oh, this is a very good beard! What does this storage keep?’” and “do you like lip kissing, tongue kissing, teeth kissing, or throat-hole kissing?” he is referring to kissing the husband’s sexual organ. “Lip kissing” her husband’s sexual organ is for a wife to touch her husband’s penis softly with her lips; “tongue kissing” is to touch it softly with her tongue as if she were licking it; “teeth kissing” is to touch it gently and lightly with her teeth, like holding it between her teeth; and “throat-hole kissing” (which can also be translated as “deep throat kissing”) is to swallow it deeply and touch it to the deep part of her mouth or near the throat. Probably wives had better avoid practicing “teeth kissing” on the sensitive mucous membrane of their husband’s glans penis. It will become fellatio if a woman completely swallows her husband’s sexual organ deeply and repeats the “throat- hole kissing” passionately. Mere “throat-hole kissing,” or fellatio without ejaculation is also generally called “oral sex.” In a narrow sense of its meaning, however, “oral sex” sometimes means only if the act aims at and results in a man’s ejaculation or a woman’s orgasm. True Father has referred to “throat-hole kissing” as one of the several kinds of kisses that a wife can perform on her husband. These types of kisses are not introduced as something we must avoid. Rather, True Father has mentioned it in the sense that everyone should try them out. True Father also referred positively to “throat-hole kissing” (“deep throat kissing”) on the husband’s sexual organ during a Hoon Dok Hae that I attended in Cheon Jeong Peace Palace on November 29, 2006. On that day, True Father also taught that “a man should live by attending his wife’s sexual organ as a manifestation of God” and that “a woman should live by attending her husband’s sexual organ as a manifestation of God.” Therefore, I would like to encourage every Blessed wife to perform “throat-hole kissing” at least once to get the feeling of what it is like. If a husband and wife can feel greater joy and happiness by such an act, they will want to try it again and again. Especially in cases when a couple cannot have vaginal sex because of a wife’s menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, or some other reasons despite the husband’s sexual desire, it will be a wife’s wise act of love to kindly satisfy her husband’s need by passionately kissing his sexual organ with her deep throat. Nonetheless, a husband should never force her to kiss his sexual organ if she does not like to perform such kisses. God’s hope is for a husband and wife to love each other beautifully and happily.

Q*: Are Blessed couples allowed to make love by kissing each other’s genitals in the so-called sixty-nine position?

A: The “69” means a position in which a man and a woman kiss or caress each other’s genitalia with their mouths at the same time. That is, it means an act of love in which they position their heads and legs in reverse and the man kisses her genitalia while the woman his at the same time. Generally speaking, the man seems to be in the upper position, but the woman sometimes takes that position or both of them lie sideways. When the couple make love in the “69” position, in many cases they just do not kiss each other’s genitals softly, but the husband does cunnilingus on his wife passionately, and the wife fellates her husband likewise. As I introduced with True Father’s words on kissing the genitalia, True Father clearly recommends that couples kiss each other’s genitals. The fact that the husband is encouraged to kiss or caress his wife’s genitalia gently with his mouth is based on two reasons. One, a man likes watching the beauty of female genitalia and gets easily excited by the

17 In the main text, after “the large village,” the official translator of the Japanese church added a comment stating “term referring to the sexual organs.” But my interpretation is that “the large village” refers to “the woods of pubic hair.” 18 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s speech for the 43rd ‘True Day of All Things,’” Family (August 2005): 26-27. Newly translated for this book. 32

visual stimulus. Two, his wife needs enough foreplay for her to get sexually excited and to easily accept her husband’s insertion. Therefore, many experts in this field strongly recommend that the husband do cunnilingus on his wife as part of foreplay. As a matter of course, the Blessed husband’s kissing his wife’s genitalia is also strongly recommended and seems to be widely practiced. On the other hand, the wife’s kissing her husband’s genitalia does not seem to be practiced as widely as the husband’s kissing his wife’s genitals. In my view, that is partly because young men do not need any foreplay to reach an orgasm, and partly because those women who are fastidious about cleanliness feel reluctant to kiss their husband’s genitalia because they are the outlet of urination. Nonetheless, as I already introduced, True Father affirmatively refers to “kissing by tongue,” “kissing by teeth,” “deep throat kissing,” and so on to the husband’s genitalia. Therefore, I think it desirable that wives make an effort, with love and courage, to come to like kissing their husbands’ genitalia. When the couple kisses each other’s genitals, it seems to be a common practice to take turns doing so. Nonetheless, since the kissing of the genitalia itself is permitted, it is obviously permitted that married couples who received God’s Holy Blessing and started a family simultaneously kiss each other’s genitals lovingly, that is, in the “69” position, with their mutual consent. If the wife does “deep throat kissing” to her young husband too passionately, he may go off (ejaculate) in her mouth before he penetrates his wife’s genitals. Therefore, those who wish to have penetration and vaginal ejaculation should be careful. It might be wise for those who have a young husband to limit themselves to kissing their husbands’ genitalia only lightly with their lips and just receive the kissing of their genitals from their husbands. Thus, while it is a permitted act for Blessed couples to make love by kissing each other’s genitals in the “69” position at the same time, in my view it is not recommended. What is strongly recommended is only the husband’s act of kissing his wife’s genitals. Cunnilingus (kissing, licking, and sucking the female genitals) is reportedly the easiest way for women to experience an orgasm when a husband and wife make love. True Father has recommended that, since we human beings are the lords of all creation, we study how various animals make love. When we look around the animal kingdom, such as dogs and horses, all males in heat instinctively smell and lick the female genitals before they mate. Then, the male and female get sexually excited together, and the female gets ready internally and externally to happily receive the male sexual organ. Therefore, we can say that it is a manifestation of animal instincts that males in the animal kingdom (mammals), including human beings, want to kiss the female genitals. The female, however, never kisses or licks the male genitalia in the animal kingdom, except human beings. Therefore, we cannot say that it is a manifestation of animal instincts that women kiss men’s genitalia. So it is no wonder that there are many women who dislike fellatio, namely, kissing or licking the male genitalia. A couple’s making love in the “69” position means that the wife fellates her husband. If the wife does not like to make love in the “69’ position, the husband should never force his reluctant wife to do it, just as in the case of the wife’s fellatio on her husband. Rev. LaHaye’s survey in the United States shows that about 50 percent of Evangelical women do not like to fellate their husbands. This means that those women do not like to make love in the “69” position as well. Many men think what they want to do to women (e.g., kissing the genitals of the opposite sex) is what women also surely want to do to the opposite sex, but it will be a misunderstanding and the wrong idea of the equality of the sexes. There seem to be relatively more women who are fastidious about cleanliness among Blessed women than among non-Blessed ones. Therefore, it is necessary that the husband kindly takes his wife’s wishes into consideration and absolutely avoids making an unreasonable demand if she does not like it. God wants a husband and wife to make love in a loving and beautiful manner.

Q*: I have a question about the smell of the female genitalia and cleaning the vagina. I feel that my genitalia stink. I’m worried that my newlywed husband may not like me if he tries to kiss my genitals. Is it good to wash out the smell or reduce it with a vaginal solution on the market before we make love?

A: As far as I understand, True Parents’ words “There is no better taste than this,” referring to the taste of kissing the genitals of the opposite sex, describes not just the sense of taste but includes the smell. It seems that most women dislike the smell of their own genitalia. We can say, however, that the smell of women’s genitalia exists not for themselves but exclusively for their husbands. Pheromones are considered odorless, but it is speculated that the smell of the adult female genitals contains a pheromone that stimulates men. The dictionary defines “pheromone” as “an active substance which is produced in an animal’s body, secreted outside of the body, and causes a specific reaction to the behavior or development of others of the same species.” The pheromone that is released from the female genitals is believed to have an effect of sexually stimulating the male. Therefore, the particular smell of a healthy adult woman’s genitals is not offensive but an attractive fragrance for the opposite sex, even if the woman dislikes it. Of course, female genitals that suffer from a disease are reported to

release an unbearably strong stench. If you are a healthy woman, however, “You do not have to reject your husband, saying, ‘Tonight is no good (for making love) because I did not take a bath.’” “What the husband really likes is not the smell of soap but the natural smell of his wife herself (the female genitals),” says True Father himself. It is good for the wife to take a bath or a shower to prepare for receiving the love of her husband. Dae Mo Nim also recommends them to do so. Experts in this field also recommend that women regularly wash their genitals (labia minora, clitoris, and vaginal vestibule) with warm water and keep them clean. Nonetheless, you must absolutely avoid using a vaginal solution on the market to wash out your healthy genitals without advice from your doctor just because you do not like the smell of your genitals. In a healthy vagina, there are good bacteria called bacilli, and they produce lactic acid. Reportedly, the particular smell of an adult female’s genitals is caused by this lactic acid. The inside of the vagina is constantly kept acidic by the action of these bacilli and lactic acid. Thus the vagina is created to prevent bad bacteria from growing inside, even if they invade it. If you clean out your vagina with a vaginal solution at your own discretion, it will kill even the bacilli, which do the good work of protecting the vagina, and lead to abnormal breeding of bad bacteria such as candida and the release of a bad smell. Therefore, if a healthy woman washes out her vagina with a vaginal solution, it will have a completely adverse effect. True Father says, “(Our) nose is not for the pleasure of smelling and inhaling the air. It was created to inhale love.” “Love makes you think that a smell, even if it is bad, is a fragrance. Therefore, there is nothing dirty in love.”19 Therefore, it is important that a newlywed wife be confident of the smell of her own genitals. In addition, the newlywed husband is encouraged to praise her smell and relieve her anxiety; he should speak out that he really loves the smell, as well as the shape and color, of his wife’s genitals, and kiss and caress her genitals with his mouth gently and diligently. Then his wife can really feel the love of her husband deeply, relax, and thus easily come to feel the greatest joy of sex. True Parents teach us, “It is not until you worship and love your wife’s sexual organ more than the entire creation combined and acknowledge its value that God will come and dwell in your home.” (July 1, 2000)20 Here is True Father’s speech on the differences between men and women in terms of odors and the sense of smell:

God says, “Hey! Your nose is not for the pleasure of smelling and inhaling the air. It was created to inhale love.” If a man lives together with another man, he will dislike the man next to him. Even when they are sleeping, if he smells the feet of the man, he will kick him and say, “Sleep in a reverse position!” Women will say, however, that the smell of men’s sweat is pleasant. I have also heard such a story. Among you women, is there anyone who does not like the smell of men’s sweat? You like it, don’t you? If your husband worked for you, sweated, took off his smelly socks and kicked them toward you, what would you do? After you put on makeup and a skirt beautifully, even if they fall on your skirt you just put on, you will hold and smell them. Why? You must bow down your head. The sweat he shed by laboring for you and the odor of his feet can smell sweet and . . . . Therefore, men’s noses and women’s are different. Men’s noses like to smell women. Do women’s noses like to smell women, or don’t they? (“No, they don’t.”) No, they don’t. You are listening, aren’t you? And no matter what it may be, when you love, there is nothing dirty. (May 31, 2003)21

Q: This is a question about the method for couples to make love. Could you explain the significance of the oft- repeated direction of True Parents that we make love in the nude without any clothes on?

A: True Father has repeatedly told Blessed couples, “When you couples make love, you should be completely naked.” True Father stated, for example:

After bowing to each other in front of God, did you make love by taking off all clothes or with some clothes on? (“We made love without any clothes on.”) That is the highest ideal of God. After

19 Moon, Uchu-no Konpon (The root of the universe), 278. Newly translated for this book. 20 Moon, Uchu-no Konpon (The root of the universe), 302. 21 Sun Myung Moon, “True Father’s speech on the 41st True Day of All Things,” Family (August 2003): 16-17. Newly translated for this book.

loving each other, which also resulted in loving God, you can say to God, “From now on, we will attend You as our beloved Father-Mother.” God’s sorrowful regret has been that He could not see it [i.e., Adam and Eve making love without any clothes on in the presence of God]. Therefore, you have to become the host and hostess of the family that can attend God the Parent in the position of making love. To make love in such a way is to liberate God’s deep grief. (November 3, 1998)22

Couples who have been cleansed of original sin by receiving the Holy Blessing are symbolically in the position of restored Adam and Eve. One of the missions of Blessed families is to resolve God’s grief by standing in the position of Adam and Eve before the Fall. It is stated in the Bible that before the Fall, Adam and Eve were not ashamed of being naked. God’s deep grief was that He was not able to see Adam and Eve, who were so pure and innocent, freely making love beautifully in the nude in His presence as a perfected couple. When Blessed couples, as sons and daughters of God, make love beautifully in the nude with nothing to worry about, as Adam and Eve would have done if they had not fallen, we can resolve God’s grief of not having been able to see His son and daughter beautifully loving each other in the nude. Therefore, a couple can perform an act of lovemaking that is filled even more with God’s love if they make love after they become completely naked with the heart of Adam and Eve before the Fall and welcome God in their act of love, feeling the presence of God, loving together with God, and offering gratitude to the amazing work of God’s creation. Furthermore, it is the privilege and special grace granted only to humans as the lord of creation that we can make love while enjoying or showing the woman’s beautiful breasts. Other mammals such as dogs and cats cannot make love with their eyes, faces, and breasts facing each other, even though the females have breasts like human beings. Therefore, God will heartily feel joy if we make love while giving thanks to Him for the privilege and special grace granted only to us as His sons and daughters and while praising Him for His wonderful work of creation. There seem to be some women who do not want to reveal their naked bodies in front of their husbands or who do not want to make love unless the room is completely dark because they have an inferiority complex about their bodies, especially their genitals, from various reasons such as the followings: “I am fat and do not have good proportions,” “I have flat breasts,” “My breasts do not have a good shape,” “The color of my nipples and genitals has darkened to blackish brown,” “I am too hairy,” and so forth. Nonetheless, if a husband really comes to love his wife from the heart, her body will come to look very beautiful to the husband’s eyes despite its color, shape, or size. As the saying goes, “Love covers many infirmities,” and if you are deeply in love, “A gimp looks like a dancer.” The judgment of beauty or ugliness is not just by physical appearances but is greatly influenced by the “subjective requisites” of the person who sees it. If a husband loves his wife from the bottom of his heart, the wife will have the value of beauty as a result of the “subjective action.”23 True Father has also said concerning the faces of the husband and wife that “the face of one’s spouse will appear delightful if one sees it with the heart of joy, and it will appear beautiful if one sees it with the heart of love.”24 This speech also is true for body parts other than the face. For the loving husband, no matter what the color or shape of his wife’s proportions, breasts, or genitals may be, they will look very beautiful as long as he loves her deeply. They will appear even more beautiful as the couple’s love deepens. Therefore, it is better to stop worrying and start making love in the nude, praising the wonderful creation of God.

Q: I heard that since entering the Age after the Coming of Heaven in the spring of 2004, True Father has given the direction that “couples must sleep naked.” Could you give a more detailed explanation of the meaning of that direction?

A: True Father gave the direction to Blessed couples that “from today on, couples must sleep naked” in New York on the 45th True Parents Day on April 19, 2004, as quoted below. His speech on that day consisted of two central points: one was the beginning of Ahn Shi Il and the other was the new direction that “couples must sleep naked.” Thus, “sleeping naked” is one of the new traditions of the Age after the Coming of Heaven that started in the spring of 2004. This new direction was not something True Father suddenly thought up and tacked on while speaking on other important things. It is obvious that he gave this direction as a result of long careful consideration and reflection. True Father therefore mentioned in his speech that this direction is “important,” Nonetheless, it seems that many Blessed couples have been unaware of its significance and ignored it. Therefore, I will introduce True Father’s words on this direction by quoting from his speech on the 45th True Parents Day. I would

22 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s words on conjugal love,” Bonyangin (October 2004): 9. Newly translated for this book. 23 For “subjective requisites” and “subjective action” of value determination, see “Axiology” in Unification Thought Institute, New Essentials of Unification Thought (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2006). 24 Sun Myung Moon, Kamisamakara-no Okurimono (A gift from God), vol. 2, (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2004), 11. 35

like to recommend that Blessed couples who have not yet practiced the direction try it out after reading his speech and discussing it with their spouse. Moreover, to sleep naked is reported to be helpful for a couple’s health.

When you sleep, do you husband and wife sleep together, or separately? I am concerned with it. (“We have both cases”) Both cases? (Laughter) Do you sleep with some clothes on, or without any clothes? (Laughter) Please do not laugh. This is an important thing to talk. … When the wife lies down on the bed first, or when the wife comes into the bed later, if she goes closer to her husband, she will feel his warmth. Therefore, the wife will feel good and think, “Oh, I am glad to become his wife.” She lies down on the bed and feels peaceful. So she will try to touch her husband’s face, eyes, nose, and ears with her hand. Also, she will touch his shoulder and hand with her hand and finally caress his foot with her foot. Then, what is the final gift that has remained untouched? While the wife touches his thing [i.e., sexual organ] and the husband her thing, the couple sleep nestling next to each other. Is it unhappy, or happy? (“It is happy.”) A husband and wife wish, “We want to become one through raw flesh by taking off its skins.” Moreover, the couple wishes to take off their flesh and also bones and unite into one by bone marrow, and make a sound “Tin Tilo Tin” and all kinds of sounds. They enter into a state where their minds reel and then into a state where they almost lose their consciousness. Then they enter into a spiritual state of ecstasy beyond description with such a joyful and mystic state of mind. Is it happy for a husband and wife to sleep naked nestling next to each other in such a joyful and mystic state? Or is it happy to sleep without feeling each other’s skins by wearing five or six layers of clothes? Let’s make a promise today. Those who have decided to sleep with clothes on [contrary to my speech], please raise your hand. If you do it for 10 years, you will end up in divorce. It is not good to sleep in such a way even for a week. … I have more things to talk to you, but I will stop here today. Today’s points are “Ahn Shi Il” and “To become one even to the bone by sleeping naked.” Do you understand? (Yes!) … Today’s topics are these two: “Ahn Shi Il” and “To sleep naked.” All couples have to sleep naked from today on. A husband and wife must sleep naked from tonight, but there is not enough space here. Therefore, they can sleep naked in the corner. Or, they can sleep touching and loving each other’s body in a sleeping bag or under a blanket covered around a chair. … And you have to give birth to sons and daughters. (April 19, 2004) 25

During Hoon Dok Hae at East Garden in the spring of 2004, which was the turning point when we entered the Age after the Coming of Heaven from the Age before the Coming of Heaven, True Father also repeatedly told the members that “couples must sleep naked” from now on. Moreover, he told us that True Parents have also started to sleep naked since the spring of 2004. When one of the participants asked True Father if it is not cold to sleep naked, he answered, “If you sleep naked, you will become so hot because of the heat from your sexual organ and want to throw off the blanket.” The Age after the Coming of Heaven is the age when Blessed couples will completely restore the position of the original Adam and Eve before the Fall. In my view, the instruction that “couples must sleep naked” has a providential meaning that we will symbolically restore the position of Adam and Eve before the Fall, who used to live naked with purity and innocence, and resolve God’s deep grief that He felt at the scene of their hiding sinful parts due to the Fall. In other words, the Age after the Coming of Heaven is the time when couples should return joy to God by living together naked like the original Adam and Eve even if only at night, and by making love beautifully in the presence of God as the original Adam and Even should have done. True Father once uttered in Belvedere, as if he were talking to himself, “Because Adam and Eve used to live innocently in the nude before the Fall, the time must come again when we live naked, if the Providence of restoration is completed and if the original world before the Fall is restored.” At that time, I had the impression that he had not yet figured out how to satisfy this providential requirement. I had no idea that there is a way to satisfy this condition without violating the laws of decency. True Father also delivered the following speech at Cheongpyeong Training Center after Pledge Service for True Children’s Day in November 2006.

25 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s speech at the Pledge Service on the 45th True Parents Day,” Family (June 2004): 30-39. Newly translated for this book. 36

You (Blessed couples) should completely take off your clothes and sleep naked every night embracing each other in one bed, not in two separate beds. Then, is it possible for a husband and wife to quarrel every day? Is it possible for the couple to quarrel in the morning and sleep together at night? It is impossible. The day and night are different. When one day passes, the darkness of the night can erase all the negative memory in the daytime. Therefore, during the night after the daytime, you should take off all your clothes and live by becoming completely naked. You will not be forgiven unless you are liberated. (November 21, 2006)26

In 2008, True Father mentioned again about his instruction of “sleeping naked” on September 9 at Hoon Dok Hae. He said:

I told you to take off all your clothes and sleep naked when a husband and wife sleep at night, but no one practices it. Only if you live sleeping together naked at night, you will come to understand the preciousness of your husband or your wife, as well as the preciousness of your own body. (September 9, 2008) 27

Because I had been working as a professor in Korea away from my wife in New York, I began to practice True Parents’ instruction of sleeping naked when I returned home in the summer of 2004. As a result, I have become fascinated with the indescribably nice feelings of greater skin contact in bed. At the same time, I began to sleep better than before since my belly was no longer constricted by the elastic band of my pajamas. I was once again deeply impressed by the practical wisdom in True Father’s speeches, which have been delivered for the sake of our greatest happiness as well as satisfying providential requirements. Moreover, it is reported that to sleep naked is good for the health of men and women, especially their genitals. Men’s testicles produce the male hormone and sperm most efficiently when they are 3–4℃ degrees lower than the body’s temperature. Therefore, medical specialists suggest that a husband who wants his wife to become pregnant avoid wearing brief-style underwear. When a man’s testicles are forced close to his body or are heated in a stuffy environment that prevents sweat from evaporating quickly, their function will decline or stop due to the rise in their temperature. Hence, men can enhance the function of their testicles if they sleep naked at night. Some women wear a nonporous nylon panty in bed at night. In such cases, however, the vagina will get stuffy, and yeast (candida) infection is sometimes caused by one of the funguses that calmly exist in the vagina, when it abnormally proliferates. Some doctors suggest that women with a yeast infection quit wearing a panty at home, wearing a long skirt to cover its absence. Therefore, to sleep without a panty will also promote the health of women’s genitals. Since it is very comfortable to sleep naked, not a small number of married couples in this world also do so every night in the United States and Europe. For example, Victoria Beckham, the singer and wife of world-famous football star David Beckham from the United Kingdom, testified on the Larry King Show that both she and her husband sleep completely naked every night.28 They are rich enough to buy the most expensive nightclothes, but their choice of “going natural” shows that it is better than any nightwear in this world. Since it is very comfortable to sleep naked, not only married couples but also many single men and women also sleep naked in Western nations. The famous American actress Marilyn Monroe once said, “I sleep only with Chanel No. 5 on,” meaning that she sleeps naked without putting on anything except perfume. To sleep naked is a desirable action that we are expected to do in this Age after the Coming of Heaven. It is not an action to set up an indemnity condition. To sleep naked is not a painful life at all, but it means for us to return to a natural and original life of happiness before the Fall. It is true that Japanese houses are very cold in winter since most of them are structured suitable for summer and have neither a central heating system like in the West nor a floor-heating system like in Korea. I believe, however, that it is still possible for Japanese couples to sleep naked even in winter if they use one or two extra blankets. If you feel too cold in the shoulder in the midst of winter because of no heating in your room, I suggest as a compromise that you go to bed with clothes only on the upper body, leaving the lower body naked, because the providential requirement in this Age after the Coming of Heaven is that we do not hide our holy sexual organ during the night. It seems, however, that if we sleep naked every night, human skins become stronger as they get used to coldness. A TV news broadcast in Korea said that some Japanese children at a kindergarten spent the daytime naked to the waist

26 Sun Myung Moon, “True Father’s words after the Pledge Service of the 47th True Children’s Day at Cheongpyeong Training Center,” http://ww3.familyfed.org/FujioFolder/1121Pubu.mp3. Newly translated for this book. 27 Fujio Kim, Seihou Kenbunroku, 15 September 2008. Newly translated for this book. 28 See Victoria Beckham’s answer at Larry King Show on 12 December 2007 at CNN TV. 37

every day, even during winter. In the news report, their mothers were very happy that their children no longer caught colds because such a practice had had a good effect on their health. If a couple lives with their children or with other family members and if there is no bathroom in the couple’s bedroom, they will surely find it convenient to have nightgowns within easy reach. Nightgowns do not have buttons, so you can put them on and take them off very quickly. If you sleep naked, you should keep nightgowns within easy reach, so you can put them on quickly in case of emergency, such as an earthquake or fire. Furthermore, if you sleep naked, you will find it most comfortable to sleep in the bed between absorbent 100 percent-cotton bed pads and 100 percent-cotton bed sheets like beds in first-class Western-style hotels. However, if you sleep naked, your sweat and body fluid (love juice and sperm fluid) will more frequently attach directly to the bed sheets. Therefore, you will have to wash them more frequently than would be the case of wearing pajamas or other nightclothes. Even before the beginning of the Age after the Coming of Heaven, Dae Mo Nim also repeatedly advised Blessed wives to “sleep without wearing any underwear and leave your sexual organ completely open, so that you can receive your husband’s loving touch anytime.” For example, she spoke to Blessed wives at the 21-Day Registration Workshop on March 21, 2001, as follows:

You wives go to bed wearing a bra, an undershirt, and a long panty. In addition, you put on long training pants on it and furthermore even a pair of socks, saying, “My feet are cold.” … From now on, however, you must absolutely not go to bed in such a way. You must keep it completely open. You must keep it totally open. When you go to bed together with your husband, why do you wear long training pants? When I spiritually see, Japanese Blessed wives like to wear long training pants in bed more than any other wives in the world. That is wrong. … By the way, who is allowed to come to that place and play there? Who is allowed to come to the woman’s sexual organ, which is the manifestation of all creation? That is your husband. Our True Father has spoken to us that the owner of the woman’s sexual organ is her husband, hasn’t he? You have thought, however, that the owner of your sexual organ, which contains the beauty of all creation in a miniature form, is yourself. That is why you have slept in bed wearing long training pants, a panty, and even socks. You have thought that it is your own. This is wrong. Who is the owner of the “creation” [i.e., woman’s sexual organ]? That is her husband. Therefore, who is responsible for keeping it all open and for having the man visit the natural world, creation, so that he can joyfully play there with a lot of fun? That is his wife. You must know this clearly. (March 21, 2001)29

As presented above, it is very good for couples to sleep naked from the viewpoints of love, sex, and health. Therefore, I am convinced that this practice of sleeping naked every night will become very popular throughout the world as a family health movement that will bring about the greatest happiness and health to husbands and wives. In my view, this custom of sleeping naked will gradually settle down as a new bedroom culture of all humanity in this Age after the Coming of Heaven as the number of the Blessed couple increases throughout the world.

Q*: It was reported in Korea that “to sleep naked is good for one’s health.” Could you explain this more?

A: It was recently reported in Korea that when you go to bed, if you sleep naked, you can reduce stress. According to the report, stress is caused by a stimulus to the sympathetic nerves in the body. It explains that if you sleep naked, you can reduce the stimulus to the sympathetic nerves and thus reduce the stress. Consequently, it is good for health to sleep naked. This content has been presented in the answer: “It is good for health to sleep naked,” as a response to the question: “Is sleeping naked good or bad for health?” on the Internet website of questions-and-answers on health sponsored by the National Health Insurance Agency of Korea since March 4, 2007. Thus, just as True Parents recommend, the National Health Insurance Agency of Korea has also clearly affirmed the habit of sleeping naked as good for health.30 In other words, the Korean Academy of Medicine confirms that “it is good for health to sleep naked,” based on recent scientific research. Therefore, I can also recommend with confidence that you faithfully practice True Father’s instruction that we “sleep naked.” As the True Parents now practice every night, sleeping naked is one of the rules of health: “Become the absolute Blessed couple with one heart and one body” that I recommend.

29 Dae Mo Nim, “As a good mother and a good wife,” CheongShim 4 (May 2001): 25-26. Newly translated for this book. 30 See http://news.msn.co.kr/gate/article/print.html?id=200703041906441600. For the Internet website of questions-and- answers on health sponsored by the National Health Insurance Agency of Korea, see http://hi.nhic.or.kr. 38

Q: This is a question about lovemaking positions. In 1996, True Father stated that couples could make love in the same position as other animals do (rear entry style). On the other hand, True Father also later suggested that to make love in the so-called missionary position is best. Could you explain the relationship between those two statements of True Father?

A: Let us consider True Father’s words. First, let’s look at his words on May 1, 1996, and on July 1 of the same year.

You are the lords of creation, so you have to become kings who can teach all kinds of lovemaking. You are the center of love and kings of love. Animals of different kinds have various styles of lovemaking. Therefore, human beings can learn various things about lovemaking from animals. Many birds and animals can become your objects of study. Snakes copulate for 71 hours, and dogs for 45 minutes. … From now on, study how animals make love. It is not a sin. When you make love like animals as a husband and wife, it is not a sin. When you go to the Kingdom of Heaven, there are many animals and people there. Because you have already mastered many styles of lovemaking, wherever you go, you can teach them. If you ask the people and animals to follow you, they will be happy to follow you. What is shameful? Is there anything you feel shameful about? Why do you feel ashamed? I do not feel any shame at speaking such a story as this. It is natural. If you feel ashamed, it is a habit of the fallen world. (May 1, 1996)31

Human beings are the lords of creation. Therefore, you can say, “We will make love like rabbits, snakes, wild boars, and tigers,” and even if you make love in such ways as a husband and wife, God will never say, “Damn you! You should never act like that!” Rather, God will say, “Oh! The realm of love will occupy the world. Amen!” There is menopause, isn’t there? For both men and women, the time will come when they get tired of making love. How do you deal with this fact? How can you overcome menopause? How many animals live on earth? There are rabbits, ants, and all kinds of animals. We human beings are the lords of creation, so we have to become great kings in making love. If you reach menopause, you can make love once a week, saying, “This week, let’s make love like rabbits. (Laughter) You can watch how rabbits make love as a male and female and have a thought: “Let’s make love like them this week. By this way, we can become kings to teach how to make love.” (Laughter) How amazingly wonderful it is! Next, you can say, “Let’s make love like tigers. Let’s make love more passionately than tigers.” (Laughter) You can become male and female tigers and make love shouting, “Wow! …” (Laughter) Then, you can say, “Let’s make love like snakes.” And you can make love with your head like this. (Laughter) This is not something to laugh at. There are a large number of teaching materials for us to learn how to make love. (Laughter) I have talked about one-third of the pairs of animals that make love. Furthermore, you can make love like the remaining two-thirds, such as flies, bees, and ants. (Laughter) Try their styles and see how you feel. If you live in this way, you will have no time to think about divorce. How interesting it is for you to see your husband! (Laughter) You can have such wonderful experiences. There are so many models of making love that you can easily make various plans of making love for the rest of your life and more. Therefore, you should learn all styles of lovemaking and teach others. Be sure to make love like butterflies as well. Do you understand? (Yes) (July 1, 1996)32

As stated earlier, True Parents’ most recent speeches have the greatest authority over Blessed families.33 Therefore, if True Parents declare new norms of life, the previous norms lose validity. When we compare the two speeches quoted above, the latter speech on July 1 mentioned the conditional terms, “if you reach menopause.”

31 Sun Myung Moon, “Age of great change for the original world,” Family (July 1996): 42-43. Newly translated for this book. 32 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s speech after the Pledge Service of the 6th ‘Holy Day of 7.1,’” Shukufuku Katei 2 (Fall 1996): 34-35. Newly translated for this book. 33 Even before these two speeches on May 1 and July 1, 1996, True Father earlier recommended that we love like other animals (e.g., his speech on October 7, 1993). Nonetheless, these two speeches in 1996 are famous because True Father publicly delivered them at large gatherings of members and they are printed in our church magazines. 39

Next, I will introduce True Father’s speech on August 13, 1997, which suggests it is desirable for Blessed couples to make love in the so-called missionary position.

There is no reason that Orientals and Westerners cannot become one because how they feel and how they make love are the same. Only their languages and cultures are different. We have to know this. Therefore, the greatest enemies are languages and cultures. American culture, British culture, German culture, Japanese culture, Korean culture, Russian culture, and so on. The problems are languages and cultures. The culture of love is one. Are there two cultures of love? Or, is there one? (‘One’) Is a man above, or is a woman above [in making love]? (“A man is above.”) You are wrong. I think woman is above. … (Laughter) When I see you laughing … A man is supposed to be above in the East and West, in the past, present, and future, and in all generations. Why so? If a woman is above, it will cause a problem. Does the seed of a child drop down from above, or spring up from below like spring water? (“It drops down from above.”) That’s why the man has to be above in order to make it easier for the seeds to drop down. You should know this as common sense. The style of how to make love is the same. When men and women make love with joy, do they cry? Or, do they say, “Oh, I hate this!” and close their eyes? We try to look into each other’s eyes. We try to unite each other’s faces and all our five senses. In the end, do we become one, or not? (“We become one.”) (August 13, 1997)34

In this speech, True Father mentions the “seed of a child” and encourages couples to make love from the position of the man on top, which makes pregnancy easier, and from the position of seeing each other’s eyes and faces, which makes it easier for them to become one in heart; in other words, couples are recommended to make love in the so-called missionary position. Therefore, True Father recommends that Blessed couples make love in the missionary position (a position of facing each other with the man on top) when the husband intends to plant “the seeds of a child,” that is, at least at the time of his ejaculation during his wife’s fertile time when the couple wants to have a baby. It is interesting that the Muslim teaching in the Tradition says, “He who had intercourse on the back of his wife, but through the vagina, would have a child with a squint.”35 The Muslim teaching on the relations between the sex positions and cockeyed children does not have any scientific basis. Its Tradition recommends, however, that couples make love in the missionary position, seeing each other’s faces, which is a privilege granted only to human beings, in order to give birth to an excellent baby. The Muslim Tradition on this point is basically agreeable with True Father’s teaching, as quoted above. True Father has delivered numerous speeches with regard to positions for the couple’s act of love. Nonetheless, there is no contradiction among them if we understand that True Father suggests that Blessed couples, who are in the original sinless status, make love in the missionary position, that is, in the position of facing each other with the man on top, at least at the time of the husband’s ejaculation when we want to have an excellent baby. It is not a sin for Blessed couples to make love in positions other than the missionary position even when we want to have a baby. It is merely recommended for the sake of giving birth to an excellent baby. Children would not be happy to hear that they were born as a result of their parents’ making love in the style of dogs and cats. On the other hand, we are completely free to make love in any position when there is no possibility of our wife’s getting pregnant, for example, when she is already pregnant or during menopause. I recommend that Blessed couples understand our lovemaking positions in this way, based on True Parents’ speeches.

Q*: Could you give some advice for young couples with regard to “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art,” which True Parent has repeatedly recommended?

A: True Father has taught us about “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art” in various ways. For instance, speaking about “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art,” he advised Japanese wives at a women’s special workshop in Korea:

34 Sun Myung Moon, “Let’s become owners of true love,” Shukufuku Katei 6 (Fall 1997): 15. Newly translated for this book. 35 See Mishkat Al-Masabih 13.6; quoted in Geoffery Parrinder, Sexual Morality in the World’s Religions (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 1980), 163.

“Change the color of the curtains or table cloth at home.” “Pay careful attention to your hairstyle or clothes.” “Put your husband’s favorite flowers in a room,” “Make an effort to study the color and design of your underwear.” “Do all these and other things in order to give great joy to your husband in married life.” “The conjugal life” in a broad sense means the daily life of a husband and wife, but the most important part is their sexual life. Therefore, we can say that the most important part of “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art” means “transforming conjugal sexual life into a work of beautiful art.” True Father has often talked about “transforming conjugal sexual life into a work of beautiful art.” I will introduce two of these speeches.

You should transform conjugal life into a work of art. After going home this time, you should study how pigs make love. (Laughter) You should study how cows make love and apply it to your life. You should watch how sparrows make love and apply it to your life. It is not interesting to make love always in the same pattern. If you eat Chinese food every day, you will become fed up with it. Therefore, make sure to study how to make love. Hearing this much, you are all wise enough to understand what I mean, so I guess there is no need to talk more. (October 7, 1993)36

From now on, we must sing and dance. Our dancing is not a special extra act. Our speaking is also one kind of dancing. Our speaking words are songs, and our expression of the face and figure is a dance. Words (songs), expression (dance), and the triangle zone (sexual organs)--when these three become harmonized, it becomes a work of art. We should strive for such artistic lovemaking. We should transform conjugal life into a work of beautiful art. Those who do not know songs and dancing will have difficulty in understanding the feelings of songs and dancing and cannot reach the standard of a work of art. How can we transform conjugal life into a work of art? Sparrows sing a song and dance. We can say, “Let’s spend today imitating the love of sparrows!” Chu, chu, chu. Dancing around together, a husband and wife embrace each other and finally tightly into one. This kind of life is a work of art. Next, we can make love like rabbits. We can transform our conjugal life into a work of art by following the rabbits’ lovemaking, moving a tail like this. (Father explains by gestures.) Even if the room is small, a husband and wife can live with their foreheads touching each other. We are the lords of creation, so we should be able to show and express representative loves of all the animals, shouldn’t we? Let’s transform our conjugal life into a work of art by imitating the song of sparrows, dance of sparrows, and love of sparrows! Old woman sitting there, do you have or don’t you have a husband? Your husband has passed away, but did you love your husband, or not? (“I loved him for 47 years.”) Oh, really? During the period you lived with your husband, how many kinds of lovemaking did you experience? Couldn’t you have only one style of lovemaking, could you? Everyone here has a wife or a husband. Do you make love only in one style? You husbands, try to make love in the standing position turning over your wife and lifting her up. How cool it is! (Laughter) We must transform our lovemaking into a work of art. You might think, “Does Father talk like that after experiencing lovemaking in such a way?” I am also trying to do so. (Laughter) I think we must make such a program of lovemaking and try it. We need it. (May 3, 1995)37

The following section is a summary of True Father’s words about “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art.”

God gave a really precious gift to us. That is the capability that a man and woman who are blessed by God can freely make love at any time and place. God has permitted animals to make love only for propagation. However, for human beings, God did not do that. Of course, God allowed human beings to make love for propagation. Nonetheless, that is not the only purpose. God allowed human beings to feel the greatest joy through such an act of lovemaking. In this way, human beings, who are the lords of creation, are endowed with freedom of lovemaking that is beyond comparison with animals. We must make the best use of the precious gift from God. It means for us to transform our conjugal sexual life into a work of art. Through the transformed conjugal life as a work of art, we have to make our spouse feel joy. If we want to make our spouse feel joy, we must learn how to make love through (observing) nature. We must learn how tigers make love, how snakes make love, how

36 Moon, Malssum Seonjip, vol. 249, 50. Newly translated for this book. 37 Moon, Malssum Seonjip, vol. 270, 22. Newly translated for this book. 41

dogs make love, how bears make love, how sparrows make love, and how rabbits make love. Moreover, we must learn how ants make love and how flies make love and even research and learn how thunder and lightning make love. You should live by learning how all these animals make love and by applying their styles to your conjugal sexual life. Thus, for a week, you should try to make love in the style of tigers, feeling passion greater than a tiger’s. For the following week, you should try in the style of snakes. Next, you should try in the style of butterflies. And then, you should try in the style of bees. A husband and wife have to study the next program of lovemaking together and report to each other. They have to live their lives with joy and excitement. During their whole lives, they should learn how to love through nature and practice it in their lives. We can learn conjugal lovemaking not only from nature but also from the experiences of other persons or other places. The important point is that we must use what we have learned for the sake of our spouse. Through these efforts of two persons to become one, a husband and wife can acquire the highest state of love, impregnate the most excellent life, protect the true lineage, and maintain the right conscience. The first purpose of “transforming your conjugal life into a work of art” is to protect the (blood) lineage. Through the Marriage Blessing, your lineage was restored from Satan’s lineage to God’s lineage. The important thing for the next step is how to keep and protect this restored lineage.38

To protect the lineage by “transforming conjugal life into a work of beautiful art” means that a husband and wife should earnestly study the style of lovemaking that can give the greatest joy and satisfaction to each other in order to protect them from the temptation of illicit love and divorce. It contributes to the complete unity and happiness of a husband and wife. True Father also spoke about the importance of conjugal sexual life as follows:

As I spoke yesterday, lightning and thunder are nature’s kiss and marriage ceremony. The conjugal relation is the same as such. The beauty of lovemaking that enables a husband and wife to become one is something like all the cells of the whole body waking up and beginning to dance to the same rhythm. All are endowed with such a capacity. Five senses will be unified at the time of lovemaking. It is precious. If the sexual life is not harmonious, the problem of divorce will happen or a lifelong resentment will ensue. If the husband’s and the wife’s sexual organs are perfectly harmonious, the husband can never leave his wife. Whether the wife’s face is pretty or not is a secondary issue. (December 21, 1993)39

At the 40-Day Workshop for Ideal Families in Jardim, Brazil, Rev. Jeong-no Yoon also emphasized the importance of conjugal sexual life. He said, “Most of the couples who have divorced for the reason of ‘personality conflict’ divorced because of ‘conflict in sexual life’ in reality” (at a lecture on July 12, 1999). One day, a Japanese wife asked me for advice. She had divorced her Korean husband, who had illicit love relations with another woman and moved into her home even though he and his Japanese wife had two small daughters. She was wondering in agony whether she should make new efforts to take him back again to start anew for the sake of the children. Unfortunately, I could not give her good advice because my specialty was to prevent such a tragedy in advance. If she had presented the greatest joy and excitement to her husband by practicing True Father’s teaching of “transforming conjugal sexual life into a work of beautiful art” after starting the family, they would have been much more united with each other spiritually and physically. If so, I thought, she could have prevented her husband’s love affair and the tragedy of divorce. I felt sorry for her because my advice was too late. As for my advice for a husband of a newlywed couple, in many cases, a young bride still has a strong sense of shame even after the wedding when she starts her daily life with a man she has never lived with. It is reported that lovemaking in the “doggie position” like dogs and cats makes some young women feel ashamed and humiliated because a woman has to stick out her hip and let her anus be completely exposed to view. It is said that many young women who are on a honeymoon do not like lovemaking in the doggie position. Therefore, a husband should not demand that his new wife make love in the style of dogs and cats in the early days of marriage. I heard that a young second-generation woman ended up divorcing her Korean husband because he had hurt her feelings so badly by forcing her to have sex in the style of dogs and cats on the bridal night, ignoring her wishes.

38 Moon, Malssum Seonjip, vol. 278, 109-111. Newly translated for this book. 39 Sun Myung Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), vol. 2 (Tokyo: Kogensha, 1995), 61. Newly translated for this book. 42

On the other hand, it is completely unnecessary for a Blessed wife who has started family life to keep a sense of shame in front of her eternal husband. Therefore, it is important for her to act boldly to have her husband feel the utmost joy by “transforming conjugal sexual life into a work of great art.” Such boldness of the wife in lovemaking fascinates her husband and deters him from extramarital sex and divorce. It will also lead to absolutely protecting the heavenly lineage. As quoted above, True Father also said, “If the husband’s and the wife’s sexual organs are perfectly harmonious, the husband can never leave his wife. Whether the wife’s face is pretty or not is a secondary issue.” Therefore, I recommend that a young Blessed wife in her 20s or 30s willingly learn how to kiss her husband artistically, not only on his mouth but also his sexual organ, through practice, and also diligently practice Kegel exercises (exercises to strengthen the vaginal muscles) in order to make her sexual organ an amazingly excellent one that gives utmost joy to her husband. In the conjugal sexual life of a husband and wife, their tongues should dance artistically, their pelvises should dance artistically, the muscles of their sexual organs should dance artistically, and their mouths should sing songs artistically. It is not until then that they can perfectly transform conjugal sexual life into a work of great art.

Q: This is a question about the method of lovemaking. In concrete terms, what does it mean “to make love passionately” or “to make love explosively,” as True Father has repeatedly recommended? Why is it best to make love passionately or explosively? Why is it that making love gently and slowly until the end is not desirable?

A: In short, the reason we are recommended to make love passionately and explosively is that it enables us to feel greater pleasure and joy together as a husband and wife. First, I will introduce one of many speeches by True Parents that recommend we make love “passionately and explosively.”

You should make love passionately and explosively like that. When making love, it should be like the explosion of an atomic bomb. …. When your husband makes love with you, would you like him to make love from your side, or to enter you vertically? Which is stronger, coming down vertically from above, or coming horizontally from the side? Vertical coming down! Therefore, a man will take the above position in making love. It is ideal. Then, he pushes down for two bodies to become flat. (March 20, 1994)40

There are three main factors in lovemaking: 1) the depth and pressure of the connection of the male and female sexual organs when making love, 2) the speed of the piston (thrusting) movement when making love, and 3) the total amount of time in making love. Therefore, in concrete terms, “making love passionately and explosively” means to satisfy the following three requirements in lovemaking: 1) The husband’s penetration should not be shallow but deep, and the greatest pressure should be applied to the connected parts of the two bodies. 2) Maximize the speed of the piston (thrusting) movement and reach a speed of about three thrusts per second in the end. 3) Spend a long time in lovemaking, including long foreplay (kissing and caressing) with love. Appraising it from a different perspective, a couple can tell whether they have made love passionately and explosively by knowing whether the wife reached an explosive orgasm in the end. Therefore, we can paraphrase “making love passionately and explosively” as “making love so that the woman can reach an explosive orgasm.” A woman can never experience an explosive orgasm unless a couple makes love passionately and explosively. True Father recommends that couples “make love passionately and explosively” and regards it as most desirable for the following reasons: It can maximize the pleasure of lovemaking for both husband and wife, facilitate a man’s complete ejaculation, make it easier for a woman to reach an explosive orgasm, and increase the possibility of her pregnancy. There is a smaller personal difference in orgasms among men during ejaculation than among women, and there is not a great difference between the male orgasm when couples make love explosively and when they do not. Still, if a couple makes love more explosively, the man can experience a bigger orgasm and ejaculate a greater amount of sperm fluid more powerfully and more deeply into the woman’s body. Hence, if we make love explosively, we can enhance the possibility of pregnancy. Couples can usually solve the husband’s problem of difficulty in ejaculation or inability to ejaculate in the vagina, which reportedly has been on the rise in Japan, if they make love passionately and explosively to a maximum extent. In contrast, it is reported that there is a big individual difference in orgasms among women and that there is a great difference in female orgasms, even in the same woman, depending on whether couples make love explosively. Therefore, it is desirable to make love explosively especially to maximize the female’s sexual pleasure. The more

40 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parent’s words on conjugal love,” Bonyangin (January 2004): 7. Newly translated for this book. 43

passionately and explosively a woman is loved, the more sexual excitement and explosive pleasure she can feel. Moreover, it makes her easily reach orgasm. It is true that women usually prefer slow and gentle caressing during foreplay, but they usually prefer passionate and explosive lovemaking after penetration. Moreover, it is verified through measuring their brain waves that women (though not all), can feel a 10 or even 20 times stronger orgasm than men. It is also verified that when women reach a strong explosive orgasm, not only do the vaginal muscles constrict vigorously and involuntarily every 0.8 seconds, but also the uterus expands rapidly and sucks in sperm fluid with a surprisingly great pressure. In the recently published book The Female Brain, its author mentions a concrete example that a woman completely sucked a condom worn by a male partner into her narrow uterine cervix because her uterus exercised a strong sucking power as a result of her explosive orgasm. This example tells how a strong female orgasm can contribute to sucking sperm fluid into the uterus. In such a way, women’s explosive orgasm can strengthen the uterus’ function to suck in the sperm fluid and contribute to pregnancy. This fact is verified in various ways.41 As stated earlier, one of the characteristics of women’s orgasm is that, unlike that of men, it greatly varies from person to person. According to a statistical survey, a considerable number of women are frigid (in many cases, because their husbands are self-centered) and never or hardly ever reach an orgasm. On the other hand, a large number of women have once experienced the delirious and almost fainting state in making love because of an explosive orgasm. Therefore, it is not rare that women fall into a near unconscious state and lose the power to move their body after reaching an explosive orgasm as a result of passionate lovemaking. If a woman becomes motionless and calmly lies down after an explosive orgasm, it will enhance the chances of her getting pregnant. In contrast, the chances of her getting pregnant will decrease if she immediately stands up and walks around right after her husband ejaculates because the sperm fluid will flow out of her body. 42 Hence, it is possible to say that God created women in such a way that they can feel a strong orgasm and lose the power to move around after lovemaking, for the purpose of making her get pregnant easily. Moreover, women go through almost unbearable labor pains when they deliver babies. Therefore, if the pleasure of sex were not strong enough to let them forget the labor pains, many women who have once experienced strong labor pains might prefer to avoid sex that could lead to pregnancy and delivery. Therefore, it is possible to say that God, to avoid such a scenario, created women with a capacity to feel an explosive orgasm much stronger than that of men in return for strong labor pains. On the other hand, men can surely reach orgasm every time they ejaculate, but they will never faint from it. It is possible to say that God created man in such a way so he can protect a woman from danger when she cannot move after reaching the explosive orgasm and receiving sperm fluid in her body. In this way, couples are recommended to love passionately and explosively because it will maximize the couple’s sexual pleasure and orgasm and, at the same time, facilitate the wife’s pregnancy by making the husband ejaculate a greater amount of sperm fluid more powerfully and deeply as well as by making the wife’s uterus suck in sperm fluid more powerfully. Especially, it is verified that if a couple wants to have a baby boy, they should make love passionately and explosively on the wife’s ovulation day. If a wife reaches explosive orgasm and a husband ejaculates the greatest amount of sperm fluid more powerfully and deeply into her body, they can increase the possibility of conception of a male baby. Hence, couples are also recommended to love passionately and explosively if they want to give birth to a son.

Q: I have a question about the method for couples to reach orgasm together. The first edition of Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, recommended that the husband ejaculate “immediately before the wife reaches her orgasm” or “at the same time that the wife reaches her orgasm.” However, in its revised edition, you corrected the phrase to “immediately after the wife reached her orgasm.” Could you explain the background for this correction?

A: As a method for a couple to reach orgasm together, I wrote in the first edition of Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, that a husband should ejaculate “immediately before the wife reaches her orgasm” or “at the same time that the wife reaches her orgasm.” The most accurate and appropriate explanation will be, however, that a husband should try his best to ejaculate “immediately after the wife reached her orgasm.” In its revised edition, I corrected the phrase to “immediately after the wife reached her orgasm.” Nonetheless, you do not have to pay too much attention to the word “immediately” in the phrase. As experienced husbands know well, you do not have to stretch your nerves worrying that you and your wife may fail to reach orgasm together if you miss the exact moment of her orgasm or the moment “immediately after” she reaches orgasm. This is because women’s orgasm, unlike that of men, is not momentary but serial; it can last longer – 10, 20 or 30 seconds (often including the

41 See Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain (New York: Morgan Road Books, 2006), 84. 42 See Brizendine, Female Brain, 83. 44

second orgasm when it lasts longer), if stimulated continuously. In other words, unlike men, women are endowed with a capacity to reach orgasm two (or in a rare case even three) times within one sexual act if they get stimulated continuously after the first orgasm. I have learned the Jewish (i.e., the first Israelites’) wisdom on conjugal sexual life, and that is also one of the backgrounds for my decision to revise the phrase. I have also reanalyzed my experience with my wife as a couple. I did not think deeply when I wrote those phrases in the first edition. As I have already explained above, the knack of a couple’s reaching orgasm together is to ejaculate, not immediately before but after the wife reaches her orgasm. This is based on the fact that women’s orgasm, unlike that of men, is not momentary but serial and lasts longer and that the second female orgasm that comes afterward in one act of lovemaking is stronger than the first as a general rule. Therefore, a husband does not have to catch the exact moment of his wife’s first orgasm. There is no need for him to feel pressed even if the wife reaches her orgasm before he does, because it is possible for women to reach orgasm for a second or even a third time if he continues to stimulate her. Moreover, the female orgasm that comes afterward is generally much stronger than the first. Consequently there will be more chances and extra time for a couple to reach their orgasm together within one lovemaking session if the wife reaches her orgasm before the husband does. Therefore, as mentioned in the advice by the Jewish rabbis, a couple can reach their orgasm together with ease if the wife reaches her orgasm first.

Q: I have heard that True Father once said essentially that if a woman cannot experience orgasm during her married life, she would definitely have health problems. Could you share those words of True Father?

A: I will first introduce True Father’s speech on the importance of the orgasm for women’s health delivered at a Japanese women’s special workshop in Korea in 1993.

In the inner conjugal relationship, a man and woman are different in the required time. Women are two to five times slower than men. Some women are more than five times slower than men. Therefore, even though they have a conjugal sexual relationship, some women finish their lives without knowing the real taste [i.e., orgasm] of conjugal lovemaking. That is a man’s fault. If the conjugal lovemaking is not satisfactory, its negative vibrations will continue for the whole day or the whole month. Sexual satisfaction is absolutely necessary for a woman’s health and absolutely so physiologically. (December 21, 1993)43

Next, I will cite another speech of True Father that refers to a similar point.

Thus, a woman is slower. She is five times slower than a man. It is not bad for a woman to be five times slower in attaining sexual excitement because it enables her to give birth to an excellent patient child. It is not bad for a woman to be slow. If a woman finishes faster, an ordinary child will be born. Therefore, a man must spend enough time in making love for the sake of a woman. If a man does not adjust himself to the woman’s pace at lovemaking time, the woman will get sick physiologically. She will certainly develop trouble with her body. The man must keep up with the woman’s pace. It is absolutely necessary. Women must have menstruation regularly every month. It should be neither earlier nor later than the regular cycle. That is also the case with conjugal lovemaking. As menstruation takes place regularly, so the sexual relationship between a husband and wife should have a regular pace. If not, it will cause trouble physiologically. Women should carefully listen to my words. If you have this kind of common sense, you will talk with your husband. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is the root of life, the root of ideal, and the root of happiness. Freedom exists on that foundation. Happiness can also exist on that foundation. (March 20, 1994)44

Conjugal sexual life is the root of health. True Father says that it is “absolutely necessary” for women to experience orgasm in conjugal sexual life to maintain their health. Therefore, it is an “essential rule of health” for a woman to feel the greatest joy (orgasm) by becoming one mind and one body with her husband. An “essential rule of health” is a requirement that is “essential” to maintain our health, and we will get sick if we lack it. True Father says

43 Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), vol. 2, 60. Newly translated for this book. 44 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parents’ speeches on conjugal love,” Bonyangin (December 2004): 5. Newly translated for this book. 45

that women’s bodies will “certainly develop trouble” and “get sick,” if they cannot experience orgasm by becoming one mind and one body with their husbands in the real sense of the term. I have summarized the rule of health promoted by True Father in these terms: 1) Align with God, 2) Attain high- noon settlement, and 3) Become an absolute Blessed couple with one mind and one body. All couples blessed by God are bound together by the divine red string of eternal love. From now on, the absolute good spirits of our ancestors who have received the Holy Blessing will come down to assist us on earth in the full scale. Therefore, I firmly believe that Blessed couples will enter into an era when we can become completely one mind and one body with God and with our spouse, can live in a much healthier state, and become far happier than before centering on God’s love.

Q: This is a question about the attitude of the wife in lovemaking. Could you introduce True Father’s and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches recommending that women not be passive and quiet but rather active and enthusiastic in the act of love?

A: I will first give True Father’s speeches on this point.

Love has value when a couple yearns for each other. A man who gives love feels good when his wife asks for love with her mouth speaking out and her eyes opening wide. You should know that if you remain silent and dull, love will turn back and fly away after coming to you. If a person you love is not serious but has a passive attitude, how bad you will feel! 45

When a man and woman make love, it is not only man that loves. Woman also stands in the position to love. The life of man and the life of woman will be connected. The lineage of man and the lineage of woman will be connected. If even one thing is missing among the three: love, life, and lineage, it is impossible to give birth to a child. When a man and woman make love and feel hot in their blood, life comes into existence. (February 26, 1990)46

I will now introduce Dae Mo Nim’s speech at the 8th 21-Day Registration Workshop in Cheongpyeong Training Center, in which she told Blessed wives:

When a woman makes love with her husband, the worst type of woman is the woman who just lies down silently and motionlessly without moving her body at all during lovemaking, saying, “If you want to do it, just do it!” You are all making love in such a way, aren’t you? Do you all behave in such a way? Or don’t you do so? God said to me, “Such a woman is the worst woman.” As I mentioned earlier, in “the creation” [i.e., woman’s sexual organ], there are nature, water, rock, gravel, plum flower, flowers, pine tree, bamboo, mountain, cloud, and clear heaven. Who can let a man visit, face, look at, and feel all these things? Who can give him such an opportunity? It is a woman. It is wrong if she does not let him do that. A husband and wife should make love not merely for giving birth to a child. They should make love not because the time has come when they make love. They must make love so that the husband can watch and praise all of “the creation” [i.e., woman’s sexual organ], closely facing and appreciating it. They must make love so that the husband can understand and appreciate God’s creative character and God’s heart. Do you understand? You have to make love in such a way, don’t you? Have you done that? You have not made love in such a way. Especially Japanese wives have not done that at all. That is wrong. You do not understand God’s heart. You do not understand God’s creative character and God’s love behind the lovemaking. … When I asked Blessed wives at the 7th Registration Workshop whether they went to bed wearing underwear and a brassiere, everyone laughed (suggesting yes). A woman has the responsibility to take off all her clothes and let its owner (i.e., the husband) come to “the creation” [i.e., woman’s sexual organ] and play there freely as he wants. Therefore, you have to change yourself completely. It will be a joy to do so. Nonetheless, if you make an excuse and say, “No, I don’t want to do so because of such and such reasons,” it will amount to trampling on God’s creative character and heart. True Father talked exactly about this point, didn’t he? Your sexual organ is not yours. Who is the owner of your sexual organ? Your spouse is! The owners of sexual organs are interchanged with

45 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, 356. Newly translated for this book. 46 Sun Myung Moon, “The importance of women,” Shukufuku 66 (Fall 1990): 19; Reprinted in HSA-UWC/ Family Department, Shussan (Delivery) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2003), 18. 46

each other. Therefore, if you do not give it to your spouse, it will bring about complicated problems. Father spoke to us like that, didn’t he? This time, God spoke to me about it in detail and said, “Blessed families need this education (of conjugal sexual life) to become true families.” When God examines the Blessed couples right now, He can find no Blessed couple where the husband gratefully feels the wife’s sexual organ to be really the manifestation of the beauty of the whole creation; He can find no one who is willing to appreciate God’s creative character, heart, and love through conjugal lovemaking.47

According to Dae Mo Nim, God taught her that if Blessed wives want to become a couple who can give the utmost joy to God, they need education on conjugal sexual life. According to her, God emphasized that women should not be reluctant or passive but have an enthusiastic attitude and heart to give their husbands the greatest joy in conjugal lovemaking. A woman must let her husband, the owner of her genitals, enjoy watching everything and admire its beauty that symbolizes the beauty of the whole creation. Moreover, responding to the movement of her husband, she should move her pelvis instinctively to give the greatest joy to her husband in the lovemaking, so that he can experience the amazing function of a woman’s sexual organ that was carefully designed and created by God. Dae Mo Nim told us that a woman must do so, so that her husband can be profoundly moved by God’s amazing work of creation and become deeply grateful to God for His love through the lovemaking.

Q: Even though Dae Mo Nim taught that a woman should enthusiastically participate in lovemaking instead of lying down calmly and motionlessly like a mannequin, that is kind of vague. I can’t understand what to do in concrete terms to participate enthusiastically. Could you explain what to do more concretely?

A: Since the act of lovemaking is an act that both husband and wife jointly carry out together, I do not think there is a fixed standard of a concrete act for a wife to participate enthusiastically in it. The point is that it is important for the wife to act enthusiastically and instinctively in concert with the husband’s wishes and movements so as to give him greater joy. This means that she must not just lie down silently without moving her body at all, as if she were a dead fish. Once again, let’s read Dae Mo Nim’s exact speech and think more about it. “Who can let a man visit, face, look at, and feel all these things? Who can give him such an opportunity? It is a woman.” “They must make love so that the husband can watch and praise all ‘the creation’ [i.e., woman’s sexual organ], closely facing and appreciating it. They must make love so that the husband can understand and appreciate God’s creative character and God’s heart.” In these statements, what Dae Mo Nim recommends to Blessed wives is that a woman should completely open up her sexual organ in front of her husband with nothing to hide, so that he can have a close look at it and praise all of it (her sexual organ). All men have the desire, as a male-specific instinct, to look at a woman’s sexual organ, the hidden inner sanctuary of love. Moreover, unlike women, men are created to be easily excited just by a visual stimulus. Therefore, in the case of men in general, just watching a woman’s sexual organ can be sufficient foreplay for lovemaking. In addition, some young women, unlike men, reportedly get sexually aroused just by being acutely conscious of her genitals’ being closely watched by a man. Before marriage a woman is always expected to keep her knees tightly together. Dae Mo Nim says, however, that a married woman should not calmly and motionlessly lie down with her knees tightly together and legs straight in front of her husband when making love. It will be impossible for her to allow her husband to watch and praise her sexual organ that symbolizes the beauty of the “whole creation,” if she calmly lies down with her knees tightly together and legs straight. There is a Japanese phrase, “to spread legs M-letter-shape open,” and an English phrase, “to lie spread-eagled.” The husband cannot watch and praise his wife’s beautiful sexual organ and penetrate it unless the wife spreads open her legs in the shape of an “M” while somewhat bending her knees. There is no need for a woman to have any sense of shame in front of her eternal husband after she starts married life. Therefore, she should boldly throw away her sense of shame and open up her sexual organ completely so that her husband can fully watch and praise it. After watching and praising it, the husband will likely want to kiss his wife’s genitals as a male instinct. According to my interpretation, Dae Mo Nim encourages a wife to open up her sexual organ so that her husband can easily kiss it. Dae Mo Nim also advised us that a woman should never just lie down silently without moving her body at all during lovemaking, saying “if you want to do it, just do it!” According to my interpretation, I can add some more detailed and concrete explanations on this advice. She suggests that the wife not lie down motionlessly but move her

47 Dae Mo Nim’s speech at Cheongpyeong Training Center during the 8th 21 Day Registration Workshop for Blessed wives. Newly translated for this book. 47

pelvis passionately as if she were rubbing it (the term “swaying the hip” is also used) in concert with her husband’s movement. A good wife is someone who can passionately move her pelvis in concert with the movement of her husband and sway her hip instinctively and enthusiastically to double the speed of the piston action (thrusting movement), so that she can maximize the stimulation to her husband’s penis, especially to its glans, in order to give him the greatest joy and pleasure, especially when the couple want to reach orgasm. Moreover, a good wife should not “just lie down silently” but should express her joy without hesitation by letting out a loud moan or screams if she feels passionate pleasure. There is a report of research findings that female monkeys that screamed louder during copulation received a greater amount of sperms than those monkeys that made smaller screaming sounds did from the same male monkey. It is interpreted that the louder screams of the female monkeys during copulation excited the male monkey much more and caused it to ejaculate a greater amount of sperm. That is also the case with human beings. The wife’s wild responses excite men far more than her calm quiet attitude. In addition, if a husband cannot have a full erection and needs warming up, a good wife will actively help him erect completely by gently caressing his sexual organ with her hand and/or her mouth. In short, one should keep in mind that neither God nor a husband likes a wife who is completely passive and silent like “a dead tuna” and just lies down calmly without uttering any sound. It is important for a woman to participate actively and enthusiastically in the act of lovemaking in concert with the husband’s desire and movement so that she can give the greatest and unforgettable pleasure to her husband. When you give the greatest joy to your spouse, you can also feel the greatest joy. God created us in this way, for both the husband and wife.

Q: Could you introduce any story about True Parents that helps us understand that there’s no problem if a couple innocently and naturally shouts or makes noises during lovemaking without any concern about our privacy.

A: A few members who used to work for the True Parents’ security team testify that after a successful international conference at a hotel in Seoul in the 1980s, True Parents joyfully made love in the hotel bedroom and made such loud sounds and voices that they could be heard outside their room. This means True Parents made love beautifully and without any embarrassment and worry about being overheard by the security persons posted just outside their room. They did not show any concern about noises that might leak outside their bedroom. Since many Japanese people have a strong sense of privacy, they tend to make love in secret by stifling voices without making noises. Some Blessed couples, as well as many Japanese couples, seem to consider it “disgraceful” or “ignoble” to scream or to make loud noises during sex because other people might overhear them. The conjugal sexual relationship of a Blessed couple is not an adulterous affair that must be carried out in secret, but a sacred relationship that has received God’s love and Holy Blessing. Therefore, Blessed couples are encouraged to make love beautifully, innocently, and naturally without any embarrassment and worry about privacy. True Parents once told us that there is no need to worry about privacy in conjugal lovemaking. .

When Blessed families of the Unification Church make love between a husband and wife, if I have a speaker installed for each family so that the sound of lovemaking can echo to the outside world, everybody can understand how loud the sound of their breathing can become and how joyful their screaming like mad will become in lovemaking. And I would like to give a special award to the loudest sound-making couple among every one thousand couples or so. (Laughter) As doves make love between a male and female cooing loudly over each other, so it will not be a sin even if we scream so loudly that a surprised stone monument in the room may topple over. You should make love in such a way with deep affection. (July 22, 1988)48

Thunder and lightning caused by negative and positive electricity on a cloudy day symbolizes the marriage of the universe. A loud noise is audible at such times, right? Are not pigeons noisy when they make love? Do you cry out when making love? I’m sure you have a hard time stifling the cry that threatens to come out of your mouths lest your mother and father may hear you. Be spontaneous. There is no need to hide such things. It is no longer a sin to shout until the windowpanes shatter all at once. Just as lightning flashes with a peal of thunder, so should you blaze. In marriage, you should attain that state of living in attendance of a holy woman or man, and God. (June 26, 1990) 49

48 Sun Myung Moon, “True Parents’ words on conjugal love,” Bonyangin (February 2004): 5. Newly translated for this book. 49 Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong, 1746-47. 48

Q: I’ve heard that True Parents make love for a long time, but when I make love with my husband, he ejaculates prematurely and can last only 10 minutes or so. So, I am not fully satisfied with our lovemaking. Is there some way to solve this problem?

A: As you heard, True Mother advised a Korean Blessed wife who was frigid and had never experienced joy in sex. She reportedly said to her, “My husband and I make love for ***minutes. You should ask your husband to do a lot of foreplay and to extend the total time of your lovemaking.” The total time True Mother mentioned includes the time of foreplay (kisses and caresses) before penile insertion.50 It is not premature ejaculation if your husband can last for 10 minutes or so after insertion. Rather, it is above the average time. According to research findings about premature ejaculation in the United States, 1.8 minutes (1 minute 48 seconds) was the average time for 200 men who admitted the problem of premature ejaculation to ejaculate after insertion, whereas 7.3 minutes (7 minutes 18 seconds) was the average time for 1,300 ordinary men to reach ejaculation. The researchers of this study suggest defining premature ejaculation as “reaching ejaculation within 2 minutes after insertion.” Moreover, it is reported that around 20–30 percent of men (especially young men) have always suffered from premature ejaculation for tens of centuries.51 The problem of premature ejaculation is that because the husband prematurely ejaculates before his wife reaches orgasm, she cannot reach her orgasm through lovemaking and remains sexually unsatisfied. What True Parents have repeatedly advised us in such a case is that the husband should perform foreplay (kissing and caressing) for his wife for a longer time before his insertion. I will once again introduce True Father’s speech on the importance of the women’s sexual satisfaction and foreplay, which was delivered to Japanese women at a workshop in Korea.

In the inner conjugal relationship, a man and woman are different in the required time. The woman is two to five times slower than the man. Some women are more than five times slower than men. Therefore, even though they have a conjugal sexual relationship, some women finish their lives without knowing the real taste [i.e., orgasm] of conjugal lovemaking. That is a man’s fault. If conjugal lovemaking is not satisfactory, its negative vibrations will continue for the whole day, or the whole month. Sexual satisfaction is absolutely necessary for a woman’s health, and absolutely so physiologically. We need to educate everyone about this. A father has to educate his son, and a mother has to educate her daughter. It will cause trouble if daughters marry without knowing it. Do you understand? Therefore, I am educating everyone well here. You should consult and ask women around you, “How do you do it?” If you want your husband to extend the time of lovemaking because you cannot feel a sexual climax yet, you should ask him to do foreplay much longer. This talk is concerned not with the environment after the human Fall but with the world before the human Fall [i.e., the restored world of Blessed families]. Do you understand? This is an important talk. (December 21, 1993)52

It is reported that a couple should make love at least for 20 minutes calculating from the beginning of foreplay if the wife wants to reach orgasm. In your case, your husband can make love with you for around 10 minutes after insertion. Therefore, you should have him perform sufficient foreplay, but at least for 10 minutes before penile insertion. I believe you will be able to reach orgasm and complete satisfaction in lovemaking together with your husband if you have him insert immediately before or after you reach your first orgasm by having him kiss and caress your genitals for as long as possible, but for well over 10 minutes. You should not blame your husband for “lasting only 10 minutes or so” in sex after his insertion. A man who can last for 10 minutes after insertion is not suffering from the problem of premature ejaculation. The reason you cannot reach full sexual satisfaction is not because of the lasting time of 10 minutes after insertion but because of an insufficient time and quality of foreplay. You can feel the greatest joy and full satisfaction in 10 minutes after insertion if you have your husband practice steady kissing and caressing for a long time before his insertion. Dae Mo Nim advised husbands to do foreplay ceaselessly until the time when “the love has well ripened and fermented.”

50 I have left the length of time of True Parent’s lovemaking in secret (“***”) here, but if you are interested in the exact number, please ask those who attended my lecture at a 40-Day Special Workshop at Cheongpyeong Training Center. 51 For more information on the research on premature ejaculation printed in Journal of Sexual Medicine, see http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7493269 (Accessed on 2005-05-29). 52 Moon, Houkan Shurenkai Mikotobashu (Rev. Moon’s speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), vol. 2, 60. Newly translated for this book. 49

If you are a young couple whose husband has a tendency to premature ejaculation and if you absolutely want to have a longer time of happily united bodies in lovemaking, the realistic way of achieving it will be to make love two or three times within one night. It is generally a symbol of youth for a young couple to have a tendency to premature ejaculation. It happens not only because the husband’s sexual organ has fresh and sensitive nerves but also because the wife’s sexual organ fits his firmly and has the muscle power to squeeze it tight. That is why young couples’ lovemaking tends to last only for a brief time after insertion. Young husbands, however, are not only sensitive to stimulus and quick in reaching ejaculation but also quick to recover after ejaculation thanks to strong virility. Therefore, if you have a second attempt of lovemaking shortly after his ejaculation, it will become possible for you to be happily united with your husband for a longer time in total within one night. If a young husband makes love again immediately after his ejaculation, the second time will last longer than the first. In most cases, young men’s problem of premature ejaculation is solved when they enter their thirties. Couples will be able to make love longer when the husband enters his thirties and the wife experiences a vaginal delivery of a baby, because the stimulus to his sexual organ will get milder due to the expansion of the wife’s birth canal (vagina). In most cases, couples can naturally solve the problem of young husband’s premature ejaculation as he gets older and as his wife delivers a baby. Consequently, a large number of women in this world testify that they could not reach orgasm at all before the delivery of a baby because of their husbands’ premature ejaculation; only after delivery of a baby could they reach orgasm for the first time. Nonetheless, even if a couple is young and lacks the experience of childbirth, or even if the coupling time after insertion is relatively short due to the husband’s premature ejaculation, if the husband practices foreplay gently, steadily, and passionately for more than 20 minutes before his insertion, the wife can reach orgasm together with her husband. Thus, a wife can usually solve the problem of sexual dissatisfaction caused by her husband’s premature ejaculation if the husband gently performs sufficient foreplay and loves his wife with warm love and care. As True Father has repeatedly emphasized, “If you want your husband to extend the time of lovemaking because you cannot feel a sexual climax yet, you should ask him to do foreplay much longer.” “True love can overcome everything and win over everything.” My advice for husbands is to remember that foreplay does not necessarily start in the bedroom. Even outside the bedroom, you can hug your wife tenderly from the back, kiss her on the neck and cheek, caress her gently, and whisper words of gratitude and admiration in the kitchen or living room with your clothes on. You can also caress her gently over her clothes or by putting your hands inside her clothes and say words of love and admiration. If you have physical contact of love such as kissing and caressing outside the bedroom preceding the lovemaking, your wife’s sexual excitement will start gradually well in advance, and she can reach the greatest sexual satisfaction even if the time of foreplay in the bedroom is relatively short. Dae Mo Nim says that couples should make conscious efforts to have many skin contacts both in and outside the bedroom in daily life, recommending, for example, that a husband read a newspaper while caressing his wife’s breast. Since women are more emotional and heartistic than men, a husband who wants to have passionate lovemaking must show heartfelt love and care so that she can get in such a mood. Therefore, it is important for a husband, prior to going to bed or even during the day, to whisper words of love, admiration, and gratitude; help her in the household chores such as taking care of children, dishwashing, cleaning, and so on; and give consideration, love, and kindness to his wife so that she will not have to get angry, frustrated, worried, or tired. Dr. Louann Brizendine, an American neuropsychiatrist who has studied the function of the female brain, summarizes the widely held view of many sexologists that “For women, foreplay is everything that happens in the 24 hours preceding penile insertion. For men, it’s everything that happens 3 minutes before.” Brizendine writes that it is important for men to show kind consideration for their wife, in other words, to create the loving mood for her from the daytime on so that she can relax and feel good with her husband in the bedroom at night.53 If a wife is fatigued with household chores, it would be a natural start of foreplay for a husband to rub her back, give finger pressure, or massage her entire body. Especially, it will completely become foreplay if you gently massage her erogenous zones. Therefore, in accordance with True Parents’ and Dae Mo Nim’s advice, regardless of your location at home, if you sufficiently practice warming-up foreplay before penile insertion, a woman can easily reach orgasm in 10 minutes of coupling time. As True Parents advise us, the best solution for failure to reach orgasm is to ask the husband to practice sufficient foreplay before his insertion. In addition, in answering a question about “deep kissing,” I mentioned it is a method to prevent premature ejaculation. Everyone can easily practice a deep kiss, and a deep kiss is relatively effective in preventing premature ejaculation.

53 See Brizendine, Female Brain, 82–83. 50

It is reported that if a husband and wife stop thrusting their pelvis while the husband’s penis is in the wife’s vagina and do a deep kiss, artistically using their tongues for a long time, the waves of sexual stimulation will be dispersed through his tongue from his penis to the upper part of his body and then to his whole body. Consequently, the stimulation to the husband’s sexual organ will become mild. In this way, the deep kiss can be helpful in preventing premature ejaculation while maintaining moderate sexual excitement. Of course, it is possible to do a deep kiss after removing his penis from the wife’s vagina, but if he pulls out his penis completely, there will no longer be stimulation to the glans of his penis. As a result, he may not maintain his erection. If he does a deep kiss while keeping his penis in the wife’s vagina, the stimulation will be mild enough to maintain an erection even though he does not thrust his pelvis. Or he can very slowly move his pelvis only for the purpose of keeping his erection. In this way, if they repeatedly do a deep kiss for a long time, sexual stimulation can spread through his tongue to his whole body without concentrating on his sexual organ. Consequently, the husband and wife can stay romantically united for a longer time. True Father has also repeatedly recommended that we “experiment an artistic deep kiss while making love.” If you are dissatisfied with the premature ejaculation of your young husband, you should try an artistic deep kiss for a long time after he inserts his penis. If you do not practice deep kissing yet despite your husband’s tendency of premature ejaculation, or if you want to enjoy the euphoric sexual union of husband and wife for a longer time than before, your husband and you should stop thrusting your pelvis while making love and repeatedly practice an artistic deep kiss for a long time. It can be of some help in delaying your husband’s ejaculation.

Q*: Could you please comment on True Father’s words teaching us that we should make love for a long time.

A: I’d like to cite two excerpts from True Father’s words suggesting that couples make love for a long time:

When you go to the sprit world and compete in the time that a husband and wife made love on earth, the longer the total time, the greater the champion you will become; it may be 40 days or several months in total. If a couple makes love for such a long time, can they get divorced? No, absolutely they can’t. They will come to get along without separating. Would they ever think about getting divorced even in their dreams? They will never think about a divorce. (May 1, 1996)54

Snakes copulate for 71 hours. (Laughter) You may well say, “Let’s stick together like those snakes for three days,” “Let’s make love on Saturday, Sunday, and even until Monday.” (Laughter) Why do you laugh? Is it a sin to do so? (“No.”) God will feel joy by watching the scene. Dogs mate for 45 minutes. (July 1, 1996) 55

As we can see in these speeches, True Parents have never told us to save time in making love since we need time to do God’s Will. It is completely the opposite. Because a Blessed couple’s lovemaking is an act to give joy to God, True Parents have recommended that we make love beautifully for a long time. As I already said, it is also necessary for a couple to make love for a long time, including sufficient foreplay (kissing and caressing), to help the wife easily reach orgasm. Therefore, True Parents have clearly recommended that Blessed couples strive for making love for a long time. You must not forget that a naked Blessed couple’s beautiful lovemaking itself is an act of liberating God’s sorrowful heart and an act of giving joy to God, that is, it is an important part of our actions to do God’s Will. Especially, the couples that received the cross-cultural international Marriage Blessing are encouraged to make love frequently and beautifully for a long time, so that they can have many children for the realization of world peace.

Q: I have a question about the relation between the wife’s sexual satisfaction and the children’s education. I’ve heard that scientific research has verified that if the wife is sexually satisfied with frequent orgasms, it can have a large beneficial effect on the children’s education and the harmony of the family. Could you give some details about that?

A: The J-CARP monthly magazine Tetra, published in June 1997, carried an article entitled “Discord of a Couple’s Sexual Life Affects Raising Children” and introduced Dr. Kazuo Aibe’s theory based on his empirical research of the relation between the wife’s sexual satisfaction and the children’s education for many years. According to him, in many

54 Sun Myung Moon, “A great revolutionary age that heads for the original world,” Family (July 1996): 42. Newly translated for this book. 55 Sun Myung Moon, “A speech after the Pledge Service at the 6th July 1st celebration,” Shukufuku Katei 2 (Fall 1996): 36. Newly translated for this book. 51

cases, the children of sex-less couples or couples who have difficulties in their sexual lives always have some kind of problems in terms of their character and mentality.56 Why is it that a couple’s inharmonious sex life can negatively affect raising children? This could be rephrased in a positive way: “Why is it that a couple’s harmonious sex life can positively affect raising children?” One of the reasons for this is the sudden increase of oxytocin that is secreted in the brain after a woman reaches orgasm. Rev. and Mrs. LaHaye, evangelical marriage counselors in the United States, commented on the beneficial effects of oxytocin in their book by quoting the passage from Dr. David Reuben’s book:

Almost by accident, researchers discovered that when a person has an orgasm, the concentration of a hormone called “oxytocin” suddenly zooms up to 362 percent of its normal value! The implication of that finding is the best news anyone over the age of sixty could have. Oxytocin is a type of chemical called “neuropeptide” because it acts directly on the nervous system. Oxytocin increases a person’s interest in sex, it makes them much more affectionate, and it is a powerful antidepressant. That’s one of the reasons that almost everyone feels warm and tender after sex. And that warmness and tenderness tend persist long after orgasm has passed. Even more important, the more orgasms a person has, the longer and deeper the affectionate phase is. So the more orgasms they have together, the closer and more devoted they tend to become. That’s why oxytocin can help a husband and wife get along better in every area of their personal lives—in areas far beyond sex.57

Oxytocin has the effect of making women more motherly, tender, and caring. The Segye Ilbo, our Korean newspaper, reported the effects of oxytocin as a result of orgasm, including an explanation by Dr. Tak Kim, a professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Korea University, as follows:

Dopamine is secreted when a woman feels orgasm, and a substance called oxytocin is produced after orgasm. Because oxytocin makes women tender and motherly, women’s sexual intercourse that brings about orgasm is helpful for keeping the family happy.58

Accordingly, sexually dissatisfied women who cannot reach orgasm tend to be lacking in a motherly tender heart, which has something to do with hormones. It has been verified that when a father (a husband) amply loves a mother (a wife) mentally and physically, she can fully secrete oxytocin and naturally play a motherly role with warmth and tenderness. Consequently, if the husband wants his wife to take good care of the children lovingly and kindly, he needs to sexually satisfy her to the fullest extent.

Q: I’ve heard that if a man wears polyester underpants, it’s easy to have a low sperm count. Is that true?

A: Yes, it is true. The following results of the scientific experiment have been reported. Among eleven men who underwent the experiment of wearing only 100 percent polyester underpants, sperm counts of four men went down dramatically after 14 months. One man’s sperm count declined after 16 months, among eleven men who wore underpants made of polyester and cotton mixed. In contrast to these cases, reportedly not one man’s sperm count dropped among those who participated in the study by wearing 100 percent cotton underpants. Upon analysis of these results, it was explained that the adverse effects of static electricity caused the declines of sperm counts since polyester underpants generate a lot of electrostatic.59 My analysis, however, differs from the above. Although there may have been some effects caused by static electricity, the biggest factor, according to my speculation, is the impact of temperature on the testicles’ sperm productivity. As previously described, it is essential for healthy sperm production that the temperature of the testicles stays lower than that of the body. Underpants of 100 percent polyester have poor ventilation with no absorption of sweat, obstruct the perspiration-induced cooling mechanism of the scrotum, and cause a rise in its temperature. In contrast, 100 percent cotton underpants have good ventilation, promote perspiration-induced cooling of the scrotum, and contribute to keeping the temperature of the testicles lower than the body temperature.

56 “Discord of a couple’s sexual life affects raising children,” Tetra (June 1997): 8-9. 57 David Reuben, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, all new ed. (New York HarperCollins, 1999), 342-43; also quoted in Tim LaHaye and Beverly LaHaye, The Art of Marriage after 40 (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 33. 58 Segye Ilbo, 4 November 2004. Newly translated for this book. 59 See Kim, Geongang Sangshik Sajeon (Encyclopedia of health common sense), 213. 52

For these reasons, men should wear 100 percent cotton underpants and avoid polyester or other chemical-fiber clothes if they want to maintain good sexual virility and keep sperm counts high.60

Q: Can you share any words from True Father about the most natural method of birth control?

A: On December 26, 1967, True Father spoke about a natural birth control method at the general assembly of the 72- couple Blessed women as follows.

Then, from now on for the next two to three years, always keeping it in your mind, you have to study how to do birth control, don’t you? I’m talking about contraceptive methods. They are easy. You make adjustments for a week centered on the ovulation day. After menstruation begins, is it a period approximately between the 10th and 19th day? Is that right? You take your daily temperature and think about the time when your temperature drops most and the date of your ovulation, always keeping in mind how many days have passed since the last menstruation started. If you take your temperature in this way, you can tell the date of your ovulation without fail. In this way, you simply need to skip having sex a few days before and after the day of your ovulation. Women can choose not to have a child if they choose not to do so, can’t they? I wonder when I said, “Have a baby.” I now say, “You shouldn’t have a baby.” Then I may say again, “Have a baby.” (Laughter) The birth control is because of a special situation. It is a strategy for restoration. (December 26, 1967)61

These words make it clear that Blessed families are allowed to study natural birth control and to make an effort to avoid pregnancy for a certain period of time in the course of restoration through indemnity as a strategy for restoration, especially during such a time as a total mobilization. True Father suggested, however, that we should use the most natural contraceptive method, which is to have sex avoiding the day of ovulation after learning their menstrual rhythm, instead of using artificial contraceptives such as condoms. In the above-mentioned words, the contraceptive method True Father explained is generally called the “Basal Body Temperature Method.” If there is a 28-day menstrual cycle, there is a high probability of having ovulation on the 14th day, counting from the first day of the last menstruation. Therefore, taking into consideration the one day of the egg’s surviving period after ovulation and the three to five days of the sperm’s surviving period in the woman’s body after ejaculation, if the couples avoid sex during a period from about the 10th day to the 17th day since the beginning of the last menstruation, women’s chances of getting pregnant will be very slim because that is the period when the egg has a high probability of getting fertilized.62 Especially, if you want to avoid pregnancy absolutely, you should avoid sex between the onset of menstruation and the ovulation day. It is verified that there will be no real possibility of getting pregnant if you have sex only during a high temperature period for about seven days from the third day after the ovulation day to the beginning of the next menstruation. In other words, from the viewpoint of the menstrual cycles, the safest time to avoid pregnancy is approximately a week during the high temperature period prior to menstruation. If you have sex during the low temperature period after menstruation, there will be no absolute guarantee that you will never get pregnant. It is said that ovulation takes place on the last day of the low temperature period when the body temperature drops sharply or the body temperature is the lowest. Immediately after the ovulation, due to the secretion of progesterone that promotes the growth of the egg, the body temperature escalates by about 0.4°C and goes into a high temperature period. After ovulation, the ovulated egg can live usually for about 24 hours, but never survive more than three days. After that, during a high temperature period when progesterone is being secreted to grow a new egg, you cannot get pregnant. Thus, there is a possibility of an ovulated egg getting fertilized for the first few days of the high temperature period. Nonetheless, the fact that you are in the high temperature period means that the next egg is growing in your ovary. Therefore, during the high temperature period except a few days at its beginning immediately after the ovulation, you do not have a possibility of getting pregnant. This most natural contraceptive method is suited for women who have a regular menstrual cycle of 28 or 29 days.

60 For the same reason, it has been reported that if a man wears brief-type underpants with poor ventilation, sperm counts will decline, causing high chances of infertility. Accordingly, if you are interested in the wellbeing of your sperm, you should put on boxer-type underpants that are well ventilated. See Yoshihiko Masuda, Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, 109–10 for the relationship between the wife’s pregnancy and the styles of husband’s underpants. 61 True Father’s speech at the general assembly for the 72-couple Blessed women on December 26, 1967. Moon, Malsseum Seonjip, vol. 158, 61. Newly translated for this book. 62 According to True Father’s speech in 1967, the period when you get pregnant easily is “a period from the 10th to the 19th day,” counting from the beginning day of a menstruation, but according to recent medical research, generally it is reported to be from “the 10th to the 17th day.” 53

Now we no longer live in the Providential Age of Restoration through Indemnity but in the Age after the Coming of Heaven when the “new heaven and new earth” have arrived. Therefore, we are basically recommended to have many Blessed children. True Parents gave an instruction to Blessed couples to raise at least three children as our duty on True Children’s Day in 2003. Nonetheless, if you feel that you are lacking very much in a spiritual and/or economic foundation for having children because you have not fulfilled the restoration of three spiritual children, which you should have achieved personally before the Marriage Blessing, or because you have not made progress in fulfilling the mission of the tribal messiah and/or “Tong-Bang Gyeokpa” (restoration of close neighbors and community), and if you are still physically young, you may of course make an effort to avoid childbirth for a certain period of time, ideally using the most natural contraceptive methods, as True Father explained. The most desirable thing, however, is to have many children of the Heavenly lineage. You should be careful in the use of contraceptive methods so that you may not have regrets later on. Especially, you should also take it into consideration that there are so many Blessed families on the waiting list to adopt a baby. If those healthy prolific couples can deliver many babies by refraining from birth control and offer them for adoption so that other Blessed couples may raise children, God will be very happy and never forget those couples who have offered babies.

Q: Since accurately knowing the day of ovulation is very important both for getting pregnant and avoiding it, can you give some advice about the method for measuring the woman’s basal body temperature as a means of determining the day of ovulation?

A: It is reported that those women with regular menstruation can find out an ovulation day scientifically by observing changes in the body temperature taken during the menstrual cycle of 28 to 29 days. According to a more detailed explanation, the last day of the low temperature period, when the body temperature drops to the lowest, is considered to be the moment of ovulation. The reason the body temperature goes up immediately after ovulation is that at the end of the ovulation, progesterone is secreted, and preparation for the ovulation of the next egg begins. The dos and don’ts of taking basal body temperatures are as follows:63 1) Instead of a digital thermometer, use a precise mercury thermometer for women in order to detect a delicate increase of the body temperature by approximately 0.4 °C. 2) Instead of the daytime, take your temperature in bed as soon as you wake up every morning. 3) Instead of under the armpit, take your temperature under the tongue in the mouth for about five minutes, while lying still.

Q: Could you explain methods for determining the day of ovulation other than measuring the woman’s basal body temperature?

A: As a method to find out an ovulation day, besides the method of measuring the woman’s basal body temperature, there is a method of observing cervical mucus, which is recommended by many experts. If you use this method you will have an advantage that you can find out your ovulation period accurately, free of charge, and easily, without any instrument. It is verified that the use of this method for contraception has a very high success rate of over 99 percent. Those who desperately want to get pregnant are encouraged to use the “method of observing cervical mucus,” together with the “method of measuring the basal body temperature,” to find out their ovulation day so that they can surely make love on that day. The method that combines 1) observing the symptom of cervical mucus and 2) measuring the basal body temperature is now sometimes referred to as the “symptothermal method” of natural family planning. A journal of medical science, Human Reproduction, reported recent research findings in Europe that this symptothermal method is as effective as the contraceptive pill in preventing undesirable pregnancy. According to the recent study conducted on 900 women in Northern Europe, 0.6 percent of women who used the symptothermal method of observing the viscosity of cervical mucus and measuring the basal body temperature became undesirably pregnant during a year. That is 99.4 percent of the success rate of contraception for a year. Furthermore, it is reported that 0.4 percent of women who completely refrained from sexual intercourse during the ovulation period became undesirably pregnant; meanwhile, 0.6 percent of women who had sexual intercourse using a condom or a diaphragm during the ovulation period became undesirably pregnant.64 God dislikes us to use artificial contraceptive devices such as condoms and diaphragms. If we use the symptothermal method correctly, we can prevent pregnancy free of charge at a rate of more than 99 percent without

63 See internet sites such as Higashi Fuchu Hospital home page for details. 64 See “Tracking fertility signs as effective as the Pill: When done correctly ‘symptothermal’ method reliably prevents pregnancy,” http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17282285/ printed on 2007.03.21. 54

buying the pills. Therefore, if you have to prevent pregnancy, I recommend that you study and practice the symptothermal method of natural family planning that observes the two kinds of signs by measuring the basal body temperature and observing the viscosity of cervical mucus. Reportedly, when the ovulation period comes, the viscosity of the cervical mucus gets higher, like egg white, and its amount also increases. You insert your index or middle finger deep into the vagina, get some mucus in the cervix on the finger, and pull it out. Put the inserted finger and the thumb together and separate them. If you are in an ovulation period, the viscosity of the mucus will increase, and it will draw a long string like egg white between the fingers. During ordinary days when you are not in an ovulation period, the amount of the mucus is small, and its viscosity is low. Therefore, when you put your inserted finger together with the thumb and separate them, it will not stretch longer than one centimeter. It is also reported, however, that even if you do not insert your finger deep into your vagina and confirm the viscosity of the cervical mucus, once you become proficient in the subtle changes of your body, you can find out your ovulation period simply by observing changes of a dry period (a period when the amount of cervical mucus is small and no mucus of high viscosity is coming down) and a wet period (a period when the amount of cervical mucus increases and mucus of high viscosity is coming down) on the opening of the vagina. The wet period is an ovulation period. In addition, it is said that, as the following speech by True Father mentions, sensitive women can find out their ovulation period by detecting the subtle changes in their sexual desire. When an ovulation period comes near, thanks to God’s creative work, those sensitive women increasingly yearn for their husbands, and their sexual desire to make love reaches its peak on the ovulation day. True Father spoke about the ovulation period to Blessed wives who had failed to give birth to children as follows:

Women can tell their ovulation period. Their nipples get itchy and turn dark. (Laughter) Why are you laughing? Then, the lower part starts getting itchy. (Laughter) Why are you laughing? Well, well! Living with your husbands, you’ve never learned that? If you take a quick look at you, you can tell whether an ovulation period has come or not about a week in advance centering on the ovulation day. You can tell everything. You were not interested in men, but when an ovulation period comes, if you hear a man’s voice at a distance, strangely you will think, “Oh! My husband is coming!” Even when you cook, you can sense spiritually right away what he wants to eat. That is how women are, but without developing emotionally and heartistically to such a level, you have lived a dull life. That is why you have missed out your ovulation period. The timing is not right. Those [without children] are men and women who are indifferent [to the ovulation day]. Do you understand? (“Yes!”) (September 22, 2000)65

If I scientifically explain Father’s speech: “When a woman is in an ovulation period, the lower part starts getting itchy,” I can interpret it as follows. First of all, it means that because the genitalia go into a wet period and a greater amount of mucus of high viscosity from the cervix is secreted and comes down during an ovulation period, it becomes “itchy.” They say that once women become proficient in the changes of their body, they can find out their ovulation period simply by self-consciously observing the wet condition of the genitalia without confirming the viscosity of the cervical mucus with fingers. Second, it means that when an ovulation period starts, the genitalia become “itching” to make love because their sexual desire is elevated to the highest level. In my view, it has these two meanings.

Q: I have a question about childbirth. Is it good for my husband to be together with me in the delivery room during childbirth?

A: Pregnancy is a result of the effort not of just one person but of a couple loving each other. Therefore, it is desirable for the couple to help and encourage each other during childbirth. If the husband wants to encourage and coach his wife during childbirth, he should attend a childbirth class with his wife and learn a breathing method and the process of childbirth. The following is a testimony by Mrs. Hyun Jeong Kim, which appeared in Shukufuku (Blessing) in 1975.

According to True Father, it is good to see his wife deliver a baby at least once. At the time of childbirth when the wife takes off her shoes and enters the delivery room, she wonders whether or not she can put her shoes back on again. She gives birth to a baby with such feelings at the risk of her life. In such a way, when her husband sees his wife give birth to his baby, he truly feels sorry for her and

65 Sun Myung Moon, “A Speech at the Third Women’s Registration Workshop,” at Cheongpyong Training Center, quoted in HSA-UWC, Blessed Family Department, ed., Shussan (Childbirth), 49. Newly translated for this book. 55

at the same time very grateful to her. Even if the couple is at odds with each other, once the husband sees the scene of the delivery, they will surely reconcile with each other and become a couple in love.66

Therefore, you should ask your husband to be together with you in the delivery room during childbirth, if the hospital allows him to be present. Our CheongShim International Hospital encourages the husband to be with his pregnant wife at the time of delivery. In Western hospitals, as a matter of course, husbands are allowed to be present with their wives at the time of delivery, and the majority of hospitals in Japan and Korea now allow the presence of husbands at the time of delivery.

Q*: Should Blessed couples give birth by C-section or natural birth?

A: In recent Korea, the rate of those who deliver babies by C-section is rapidly increasing. The rate of C-section in Korea which was no more than 6% in 1988 grew to 43% by 1999. This means that the number has grown more than seven times larger than that of 1988. The reported rate of C-section in Japan in 1998 was 15%.67 According to 26 March 2001 issue of Newsweek, the rate of C-section in South America is also growing rapidly and the rate of delivery by C-section is 40% in Chile, 38.7% in Mexico, and 25.4% in Argentina. The statistics given in the same Newsweek report shows that the rate was 8% in Japan, 10.4% in the Netherlands, 12.5% in Norway, 17.5% in France, 19% in England, and 22% in the United States. We will now focus on the advantages and shortcomings of delivery by C- section and analyze its pros and cons. The reasons for some expected mothers to want to give birth by C-section before labor pain starts irrespective of the health situation of the embryo are the three listed below. 1) C-section will make it possible for expected mothers to deliver their babies without experiencing the long lasting labor pain that is caused by the expansion of birth canal which accompanies great pain. 2) Expected mothers will not have to experience expansion of birth canal (female genitalia), hence can prevent the decline of sexual sensibility, which usually happen after natural delivery. 3) C-section will prevent incontinence of urine, which tends to happen to women after natural delivery, because of the loosening of the pubococcygeus muscle. As for the reasons for doctors to encourage C-section other than those of medical reasons that has to do with the embryo’s health situation or of the three reasons given by expected mothers as listed above, there are two self-serving reasons as listed below. 1) Doctors would not have to wait for a long time or be awakened in the middle of the night or early-morning. The doctors can choose the operation time according to the time that is ideal for them instead. 2) Since the C-section is a surgery, the doctor can receive more medical income within a short time comparing to natural birth. The shortcomings of caesarean section from the viewpoint of pregnant women are as the five listed below. 1） The number of babies one can deliver in her lifetime will be limited. If one delivers by C-section, in most cases, she must deliver her next baby by C-section, too. From a general medical perspective, doctors would not encourage mothers to experience more than 3 C-section operations. Hence, if one delivers by C-section from her first delivery, she will not be able to give birth to more than four babies. 2） Generally, if one delivers by C-section, she cannot give out much breast milk, hence will not be able to feed her child with the most preferable thing for a newborn baby. 3） Delivery by C-section is much more expensive than natural delivery because of longer duration of hospital stays and surgical expense. 4） It will take much more time for a mother to recover her body if she delivers by C-section. Furthermore, it will be more likely that the surgical cut will excite suppuration or lead to inflammation. It is reported that 20% out of those who went through C-section experiences after-effect of some kind. Moreover, it is also reported that the death rate of expected mothers are three to seven times higher than in the case of natural delivery.68 5） If one goes through C-section operation, there is more risk for administration of ecbolic at her next delivery to cause fatal hysterorrhexis. In short, the reasons given by women to prefer caesarean section i.e., prevention of incontinence of urine and decline of sexual sensibility, can be solved in full measure in the case of comparatively young women in their twenties

66 Hyun Jeong Kim, “To the new Blessed couples who started family life,” Shukufuku (Blessing) (August, 1975): 76. Newly translated for this book.

67 The statistics on C-section are all cited from Bonhyangin (October 2000):15. 68 See Segye Ilbo, 8 June 2002. 56

or thirties if they put effort in practicing the Kegel’s exercise after delivering. Furthermore, although doctors tend to cut open the exit of birth canals for natural delivery, skilled obstetricians and gynecologists will usually stitch them together (this is called “love stitch”) in order to prevent women’s decline of sexual sensibility after delivery. Therefore, it is undesirable for women to give birth by C-section unless they have inevitable medical reasons concerning the embryo’s health situation. Since it is preferable for Blessed wives to give birth to more than four children, they should absolutely avoid giving birth to their babies by C-section at their first delivery if they do not have any medical reasons concerning the embryo’s situation although it may take much time until the baby is born. The World Health Organization (WHO) criticizes those nations with high rate of delivery by C-section by pointing out that the percentage of delivery which requires C-section from medical reasons concerning embryos’ health is 10% of the total. When choosing an obstetrician and gynecologist to commit oneself to, it is important to avoid those who aggressively encourage C-section for self-serving reasons and to choose those who are kind, conscionable, and reliable. According to Genesis 3:16, God cursed Eve after the Fall and said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.” Hence, in the early days of the Unification Church when there was no second generation, it seems that many church members in Korea and Japan believed that birth pain (labor pain) was a product of the Fall of human ancestors and that women will be able to give birth without feeling any pain once original sin was liberated. Such interpretation is an interpretation due to “inspiratio verborum,” which believes that every single words of the Bible are written by the guidance of God and are therefore undoubtable. Although Unification Theology believes that the words in the Bible are God’s words, they do not support “inspiratio verborum.” All mothers of mammal animals other than human beings, despite them having nothing to do with the Fall, also experience pain (labor pain) during delivery due to expansion of the birth canal. The only difference from human mothers is that they do not express the pain with words because they can not speak human language. Of course, it can be perceived that difficult births which threaten the lives of embryos are the result of the Fall as well as other various diseases. However, labor pain due to expansion of birth canal is not a product of the Fall. Therefore, it is not a gospel of the Complete Testament Age for women to enjoy painless delivery by C-section under full anesthesia, nor does it match the providence of restoration. In Christian culture areas, it has long been believed that labor pain is a result of the Fall and is undesirable. Therefore, it has been understood that labor pain should be vanished together with the advent of the sinless world. However, the important role of labor pain has recently been medically defined and there has been increasing criticism toward taking away labor pain by C-section etc., either from the beginning or for a short term during delivery. More specifically, it has been defined that the stronger and the longer a mother suffers labor pain, “oxytocin,” a type of postpituitary hormone, will be released inside the blood of the mother’s body. Oxytocin is known for playing important roles in constricting the womb to push out the embryo into the birth canal and also stimulating lactation. It is also verified to play an important role in increasing maternal love. It has been reported that when a single female mouse was given a shot of a mother mouse’s blood that contained high rate of Oxytocin suddenly became interested and caring for baby mice and acted as though she had maternal love toward them. Another role of labor pain to be pointed out will be its role in bringing unity among husband and wife. This is based on the premise that the husband stays by his wife’s bedside but if the husband hears and sees his wife’s acute labor pain and pain of delivery with his own ears and eyes, he will come to feel great gratitude from the depth of his heart toward the wife for enduring all the pain to deliver his child. If possible, it is desirable for a husband to enter the delivery room with his wife and encourage her not only before and after delivery but also at the moment of delivery. It is common in Western nations for a husband to enter the delivery room with his wife and encourage her in case of natural delivery. As such, hospitals that let husband enter the delivery room to encourage his wife is recently increasing in Japan and Korea. In fact, it was common in Japan and Korea for a husband to attend his wife’s delivery before Western medicine was introduced to these nations. As stated above, there are some important roles in labor pain caused by expansion of the birth canal. Labor pain is not a bad thing. It is said that Heung Jin Nim’s motto in daily life before his death was “No pain, no gain!” This can be put otherwise in a positive form as “Great pain, great gain!” It is possible to say that such wisdom of life of Heung Jin Nim can also be applied to labor pain. For reference, one should be careful because it has been verified that administration of ecbolic to a woman who has gone through delivery by C-section may involve risk for fatal hysterorrhexis. It is reported that in Japan, within about 10years from October 1992, there has been 181 medical accidents due to side-effects of ecbolic and labor pain inducing agent, leading to death of 108 mothers and children, leaving 3 mothers in vegetative state and 60 children with serious aftereffects such as brain paralysis.69

69 See Mainichi Shinbun, 7 December 2002. 57

Q: I have a question about sex life immediately after childbirth. I’ve heard that the use of lubricating jelly is recommended when vaginal secretions are insufficient due to hormonal changes. Can you give some more details?

A: Due to hormonal changes right after childbirth, vaginal secretions are likely to decrease. Especially during the period when the mother is breast-feeding the baby entirely, vaginal secretions often become insufficient. According to a recent report, 80 percent of postpartum women experienced insufficiency of vaginal secretions immediately after the delivery of a baby. In such a case, the wife easily refuses her husband’s attempt for sex since she feels pain when he penetrates. Reportedly, there were a considerable number of cases where the reduction of vaginal secretions after childbirth caused pain in sex, led to repeated refusals of the husband’s advances, and ended up in a sexless married life after childbirth. Many obstetrics/gynecology doctors and sex life counselors for couples (e.g., Rev. and Mrs. LaHaye) recommend the use of lubricating jelly when the vaginal secretion is insufficient at the time of lovemaking due to hormonal changes right after the delivery of a baby, just like women in menopause. There are a number of lubricating jelly products such as “K-Y Jelly” and “Astroglide” made in the USA, “Clinijel” made in the UK, and “Lubejelly” made in Japan. It is more convenient to choose a water-based lubricating jelly, which can easily be washed off with water, rather than oil- based products. All of the above-mentioned products are water-based. In addition, when you purchase a lubricating jelly product, it is important to make sure that it is not “contraceptive jelly,” which contains spermicide for contraception. Contraceptive jelly products also contain ingredients for lubrication, but Blessed couples should avoid the use of contraceptive jelly. There is a report that because contraceptive jelly contains spermicide and severely harms sperms, in case the wife gets pregnant, there is a possibility that she may have an unhealthy abnormal baby. Therefore, you must absolutely avoid “contraceptive jelly.” Lubricating jelly is relatively inexpensive, similar to toothpaste. When you insert an enema or a thermometer into your infant’s or toddler’s anus, it is also recommended to use lubricating jelly. Therefore, lubricating jelly is a convenient product to have at home with an infant/toddler even before the wife’s menopause. They are easily available at a local supermarket (or pharmacy in Korea or Japan) without prescription. There are also expensive products of lubricating jelly that contain aphrodisiac. Inexpensive products are, however, effective enough to be a lubricant. So you do not have to buy an expensive one.

True Love, Sex, and Health for Couples after Menopause

When women reach their late 40s to early 50s, their menstruation comes to an end. For those women, there is no longer any possibility of pregnancy and childbirth. In this chapter, I will refer to women after menopause and their husbands as “couples after menopause.”

Q: Typically, what is the frequency of sex for couples in their 50s and over these days?

A: According to a survey in 2000 by Rev. and Mrs. LaHaye, conducted on 800 American Evangelical Christian men and women, the tables below are the reported frequency of sex by age group based on the average of the past several months. It is noteworthy that the survey shows that 66 percent of men in their 40s, 66 percent of men in their 50s, 60 percent of men in their 60s, and 37 percent of men in their 70s say that, on average, during the past few months, they have had sex one or more times a week. As for women, 65 percent of women in their 40s, 65 percent of women in their 50s, 53 percent of women in their 60s, and 34 percent of women in their 70s say that during the past few months, they have had sex, on average, one or more times a week.1

According to the LaHayes, here are the detailed results of the survey on frequency of sex during the past few months for American men and women in their 40s and above.

Average Frequency of Sex among Men in Their 40s and above in the Past Few Months2

Average Frequency of Sex among Women in Their 40s and above in the Past Few Months3 Males 40-49 50-59 60-69 70 and over Five or more times a week 5% 0% 1% 2% Three to four times a week 15 12 5 5 Twice a week 16 11 15 10 Once a week 30 43 39 20 Once every two weeks 17 19 18 17 Once a month 11 9 10 15 Once every few months 5 4 4 11 Once in the last year 1 0 0 2 Our sex life is nonexistent 0 2 8 18

Females 40-49 50-59 60-69 70 and over Five or more times a week 4% 0% 0% 1% Three to four times a week 13 13 7 4 Twice a week 19 18 17 10 Once a week 29 34 29 19 Once every two weeks 25 13 17 19 Once a month 6 12 13 16 Once every few months 4 6 7 10 Once in the last year 0 1 0 1 Our sex life is nonexistent 0 3 10 20

1 See LaHaye and LaHaye, Act of Marriage after 40, 25-26. 2 LaHaye and LaHaye, Act of Marriage after 40, 26. 3 LaHaye and LaHaye, Act of Marriage after 40, 25. 59

As shown above, the LaHayes’ study indicates that the sexual act is difficult for 20 percent of American males aged 70 and above, but possible for 80 percent of them. And 37 percent of men aged 70 and over say they have had sex at least once a week, on average, during the past few months. On the other hand, New England Journal of Medicine (August 2007) presented the recent findings by researchers at the University of Chicago about the sex life of old men and women in the United States. In this respectable scientific study, researchers interviewed 3,005 American men and women from 57 to 85 years old. This study shows that many old men and women in their 70s and 80s enjoy vigorous sex lives, much more than people imagined. This is the first large-scale academic research on the sex lives of the old people in human history. Some of the research findings are as follows: The rate of those who had sex more than once during the past one year is 73 percent among men and women from the age of 57 to 64 years old; 53 percent among men and women from the age of 64 to 75 years old; and 26 percent among men and women from the age of 75 to 85 years old. Moreover, according to their answers, more than half of men and women between the ages of 57 and 75 had oral sex during a year. One-third of men and women from 75 to 85 had oral sex during a year. One of the main reasons many women from 75 to 85 years old failed to have sex was because there are many widows in this age group as the average life expectancy of men is shorter than that of women. It is reported that those who are in relatively good health have sex twice as frequently as those who have “ordinary” or “not good” health. And it is also reported that many of the old people who continue to have active sexual lives have sex at least two to three times a month. If you do not use the sexual organ at all, its function will rapidly be lost. However, if you use the sexual organ continuously and regularly, it can function even in your 80s according to the analysis of the research. It has become a current topic that surprisingly more old people are enjoying vigorous sexual lives even in their 70s or 80s than many people had imagined.4

Q: In order to live long, until what age should couples have a sexual life after menopause?

A: Internationally well-known Japanese physician Dr. Hiromi Niiya says in his book, “I believe that the sexual life should naturally continue until one’s death as a matter of course.” He also stated, “From a functional point of view, a really healthy man should of course have a ‘morning erection’ every morning until the age of 75, and a healthy woman should have regular periods until the age of 55.” Noting that “After menopause, your truly happy sex life begins,” he explained as follows:

Many women after menopause have a tendency to show resistance toward a sex life. However, your functional inability to get pregnant has nothing to do with your not having sex. Certainly when your periods stop, less sexual hormones are secreted. As a result, various physical changes occur such as a less lubricated vagina, limp flesh around the chest, and so on. Yet, rather than taking these changes negatively, you should have a more positive approach. You are now liberated from having your period, liberated from the mental handicap of constantly worrying about pregnancy, and can now purely enjoy sex spiritually and physically. When both men and women reach a certain age, their hormone balance undergoes a change, and their sexual desires decline. It is extremely important, however, for men and women to enjoy their sex life, even if less frequently. As they get old, some men think about sex, “It’s such a hassle, tiring, and I’m not interested.” Yet, if a couple, a man and a woman, truly love each other, sex will be neither tiring nor a waste of time. Medical science has verified that a sense of mental and physical happiness enhances the body’s immune functions. A man has a desire to always stay young and to be loved by a woman. And a woman, too, wishes to always stay beautiful and be loved by a man. To maintain these feelings continuously is very important in order to live a long and healthy life. As is the case with everything else, the one who gives up more quickly is the loser. If your mental part gives up, saying, “I’ve had enough,” “It won’t work any more,” then your body will age more quickly. We should never give up. This is the knack for living a long and healthy life.5

4 See e.g., “Sexual desire does not become old: Old people of the age 75-85 years old in the United States have sex 2 or 3 times a month,” Segye Ilbo, 24 August 2007; “Sexed-up seniors do it more than you’d think: Unprecedented U.S. survey finds older people lead steamy private lives,” 22 August 2007, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/2039561 2007-09-16. 5 Niiya, Byoukini Naranai Ikikata (How to live without illness), 190–91. 60

There is no age limit to the sex life of a Blessed couple. Even if the procreative purpose no longer exists, a couple is of course allowed to make love. When a couple becomes one in mind and body, they can unite more completely with God as well. And it has been verified that regular marital sex strengthens their immune functions and enables them to live longer. Moreover, it is reported that if men ejaculate regularly once or twice a week, they can eliminate unnecessary fluids in the prostate and lower the risk of prostate cancer.

Q: I have a question about sex after menopause. I’m in my 50s after menopause, and my vaginal lubrication has become insufficient. Sometimes I feel pain when we make love as a couple. It makes me complain. As a result, we only have sex about once a month. Is there some good solution to this problem?

A: To give the conclusion first, the best solution in your case is to use lubricating jelly. Gynecologists as well as experts of sex counseling around the world all recommend the use of lubricating jelly for lovemaking after menopause. No side effects have been reported. I can also recommend it with confidence. Another important piece of advice, besides using the jelly, is that the husband should spend plenty of time, much more than before menopause, on foreplay, that is, kissing and caressing. Dr. Shoji Nara writes with regard to lovemaking after menopause as follows:

When you are young, the walls of the vagina will be lubricated within 30 seconds if you receive sexual stimulation. It is reported, however, that it takes around 10 to 30 minutes for the vagina to be lubricated after menopause. Therefore, the man should not jump to the conclusion that the woman is not interested in lovemaking, but try to understand that it takes menopausal women a long time for the vagina to be lubricated, which is the one of the characteristics of the sexual response of women after menopause.6

Nevertheless, after menopause, no matter how long you may spend on foreplay, lubrication does not occur to the extent that it flows out of the vagina, as when you were young. That is why the use of lubricating jellies is strongly recommended for couples after menopause. As mentioned, there are various types of jellies, such as the K-Y Jelly and Astroglide made in the United States, Clinijel made in the United Kingdom, or Lubejelly Excellent made in Japan. You should make sure that the jelly contains no sperm-killing chemicals for contraception. Water-soluble jellies that can be easily washed off are considered to be more convenient than the oil-based type. For your information, all the products mentioned above are all water-soluble and without contraceptive ingredients. True Father advised us on July 1, 1996, that after women reach menopause, couples should make love freely and joyfully in various animal positions. Even after menopause, if a couple makes love about twice a week, such acts of love will reportedly enhance the body’s immunity, help maintain a healthy heart, and prolong their life spans. In many cases, when the wife feels pain in lovemaking because of the lack of lubrication, it will lead to a sexless conjugal life. It is said that if a women’s sexual organ is not used after menopause, its function will degenerate further. As explained above, with the merit of the age, the way to resolve the lack of lubrication is now wide open. Lubricating jellies have no side effects, and using them is an easy solution. Therefore, we should be grateful to God for such blessings of the Age after the Coming of Heaven and continue to enjoy the exquisite beauty of God’s work of creation. It is desirable that a couple make efforts to love each other beautifully even after menopause, aiming at completely becoming one in heart, body, will, and spirit centered on God.

6 Nara, Otokoto Onnano Kounenki (Men and women in the menopause), 112. 61

“True Love, Sex, and Health” for Young Sons and Daughters before Marriage --For Blessed Parents to Give Proper Guidance--

This chapter will present my answers to Blessed parents’ questions about the practice of “True Love, Sex, and Health” for young sons and daughters before marriage. In other words, how Blessed parents should educate and guide their sons and daughters before the Marriage Blessing.

Q*: Please explain how to guide our sons on the issue of masturbation before the marriage Blessing?

A: We can summarize the guiding points on the issue of young unmarried men’s masturbation as follows: 1) It is not desirable to recommend masturbation to young unmarried men as many liberal scholars of sex education do to promote sexual liberation. 2) Young unmarried men’s masturbation, which always involves immoral imagination and delusion, mentally and spiritually gives negative influences. 3) It is reported that excessive masturbation during one’s junior high-school days of rapid growth negatively influences one’s physical growth. Nonetheless, many medical doctors testify that, seen from a medical viewpoint, young men can masturbate twice a week or so without any harmful effects on their physical health after reaching high school age, over fifteen years or so. 4) It is vital to make a sound environment for young people whereby they can exercise as much self- control as possible by realizing that masturbation is not a desirable act. Thus, it is required to make them willingly avoid sexually stimulating surroundings that are filled with lewd and lurid pictures and videos. It seems that some young unmarried members in their adolescence among second-generation members of the Blessed Family and second-generation members born before the Blessing of their parents, especially in Japan, feel extremely guilty and seriously anguish over nocturnal emissions and masturbation, as they believe these acts are the equivalent of the “spiritual acts of the fall” committed by the human ancestor Eve and the Archangel. It is necessary to tell those unmarried members in their youth that masturbation is not “a spiritual act of the fall,” though it is not a desirable act, and to ease their spiritual burden. As reported in various research findings, unlike men, the majority of women never felt a strong sexual impulse to masturbate before their marriage. Therefore, it appears that some Blessed mothers, who are unable to understand young men’s strong sexual impulse, tend to regard masturbation as extremely evil and to harshly admonish their sons against it. If a mother harshly warns her son that “since masturbation is a ‘spiritual act of the fall,’ you must absolutely avoid it,” he will be heavily burdened with a strong guilty conscience after such a strict admonishment. Unmarried youth’s masturbation, which involves immoral delusion and imagination, is not a desirable act. But the act does not correspond to “the spiritual fall” committed by the human ancestor Eve and the Archangel. We should be aware of the warning, however, about the problematic method of masturbation for young unmarried men. If a man gets accustomed to ejaculating by giving unusually strong pressure with his hand’s grip for years, he will come to have difficulty ejaculating in the vagina and may result in a “symptom of total inability to ejaculate in the vagina” in conjugal sex after his marriage. Dr. Teruo Abe, who has researched married sexless couples in Japan, points out habitual masturbation with “unusually strong grip pressure” as an important cause in men’s problem of inability to ejaculate in the vagina. He states his research findings as follows:

As a result of measurement, those who masturbate with the grip pressure of more than 10 kilograms have difficulty in ejaculating in a woman’s vagina. Among those are some men who do with the grip pressure of as much as 14-15 kilograms. On the other hand, the control group that consists of those who do not have any problem of ejaculation in the vagina showed the grip pressure of 4.25 kilograms on the average when they masturbated.1

1 Teruo Abe, Sexless-no Seishin Igaku (Psycho-medical science of the sexless) (Tokyo: Chikuma Shobou, 2004), 100.

In the act of conjugal lovemaking, if a husband and wife make love with active and responsive cooperation, a couple can certainly accelerate the speed of their thrusting movement up to three thrusts per second or so. Nonetheless, no matter how excellent a woman’s sexual organ may function, she can never grip her husband’s penis in her vagina with such a strong pressure as over 10 kilograms. Therefore, it is reported that if the husband habitually masturbates with the use of such a strong grip pressure of his hand for years, he will be most likely to lose the ability to ejaculate in his wife’s vagina in conjugal lovemaking after marriage. That is why it is warned that a man should absolutely refrain from such a manner of tight-grip masturbation, which does not only reduce the degree of his pleasure and satisfaction in conjugal lovemaking but also hinders his ejaculation in the vagina and his wife’s pregnancy after marriage. Such a way of masturbation as employing an extremely strong grip, if practiced habitually for years, will make the man have difficulty in ejaculating and reaching orgasm through vaginal sex. It leads him to continue frequent masturbations with a strong grip after marriage because he desperately wants to ejaculate and experience orgasm. This is reportedly one of the causes that have produced a large number of married sexless couples in Japan.

Q*: Finding my daughter masturbating, my wife admonished her against it. My daughter insists, however, that masturbation is not an evil act and rather helps enhance her health. She is not remorseful at all. What would be desirable advice from parents to such a daughter who is engaged in masturbation before the Marriage Blessing? Is there any difference in deciding good or bad on masturbation among unmarried young men and women?

A: The number of women who experienced masturbation before marriage has also increased in Japan in recent years. As I already mentioned, it was said in the 1970s in Japan that “The ratio of women who have experienced masturbation is approximately ten percent of men’s ratio.”2 As recent Japanese society has made a rapid change in attitudes toward sexual liberation, tabloid newspapers and popular magazines of low quality have frequently reported lurid articles instigating women’s masturbation and spreading an impression that most young women now frequently masturbate. However, according to the research findings of sexual behavior among Japanese young people, which the Japanese Association for Sex Education conducted and released in the year 2000, the ratio of the experience of masturbation was 40.1 percent for female college students compared with 94.2 percent for male college students.3 Similarly, according to the results of a highly reliable survey on sexual life in the United States, which a group of researchers at the University of Chicago conducted in 1991, 64.4 percent of young females 18–24 years old answered that they had never experienced masturbation within the past year.4 In other words, even in our contemporary time when sexual liberation has been going on, young women who masturbate in their daily life either in Japan or in the United States belong not to the majority, but to the clear minority, in contrast to men’s case. Reportedly, when young men do not ejaculate either through sexual activities or masturbation in their adolescence, their semen is naturally accumulated, and they experience ejaculation through nocturnal emission irrespective of their will. For men, ejaculation immediately means orgasm. Men are, thus, created to naturally experience sexual pleasure and orgasm at puberty, regardless of their involvement in sexual acts. When they experience orgasm even once, the memory of the explosive pleasant feelings eternally remains in their head. Therefore, we can say that it is almost impossible for unmarried healthy men to completely abstain from masturbation. In fact, the rate of young men’s experience of masturbation is known as around 95 percent. Many experts estimate that, by excluding married men and those experiencing ejaculation through sexual activities with their girl friends or with women of adult-entertainment business, almost 100 percent of young healthy unwed men have the experience of masturbation. On the other hand, in the case of young women’s masturbation before marriage, it is known that “unlike in men’s case, women have no urge of internal impulse within them. Therefore, unlike men who naturally learn it without being taught by others, in the case of women, specific external stimuli through sexual activities usually serve as the cause of women’s masturbation.”5 The experts say that if women experience the feelings

2 See Anselmo and Takada, Seino Shimpo-to Aino Chouwa (Progress in sex and harmony in love), 154. 3 See http://www.mainichi-msn.co.jp/kurashi/women/kitamura/slowlife/new … 2006-10-06. 4 See Edward O. Laumann, et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994), 80-84. 5 Anselmo and Takada, Seino Shimpo-to Aino Chouwa (Progress in sex and harmony in love), 154. 63

of orgasm even once through outer stimulation of such sexual activities, their sexual desire grows extraordinarily strong, just like men. This is because a chemical component that brings about a fervent feeling of pleasure, just as when one takes addictive drugs such as cocaine, is secreted after reaching orgasm even once. It is not too much to say that human beings, regardless of their gender, are created to become, in a sense, “an addict to sexual pleasure” once they experience orgasm. You say your daughter insists that “masturbation is not an evil behavior, but gives a positive effect on health,” and that she is not remorseful at all. That is because there are many sexologists and experts in sex education in this world who insist on such ideas and openly recommend masturbation without any hesitation. Probably, those who teach such ideas have almost reached the majority in the United States. There exist, however, various schools of thought in the field of sex education both in Japan and in the United States. Scholars in liberal schools of thought insist that, preferably, women should sufficiently develop their sexual sensation through frequent masturbation and already experience orgasm before marriage, so that they can fully enjoy the pleasure of sex from the very beginning of their married life for the sake of their happiness. Liberal scholars have asserted that, for the sake of woman’s happiness in sex life after marriage, we should recommend that she experience sexual activities or cohabitation with her marriage candidate before marriage, and that if she gets married after making sure of the sexual congeniality with her partner, she can avoid unnecessary conflicts in the married life or divorce. Until the 1980s, such ideas had been gaining popular support. This seemed to be a plausible view. Many used to say, “Just as you will be less dissatisfied with a car later if you test-drive it and make sure of the quality of its ride before purchasing it, so you can avoid disappointments with your spouse and conflicts in the sex life, if you test conjugal life with your partner before marriage.” It sounded rational and right at first. . Nonetheless, as a consequence of a variety of scientific research since the 1990s, we have come to know an unexpected but definite fact that those women who experienced premarital sex or cohabitation with marriage partners had a higher divorce rate and were less satisfied with their sexual life after marriage, namely, less frequently reached sexual climax after marriage than those women who were married as pure virgins without any premarital sexual experience.6 Therefore, it is now verified that such ideas as presented by liberal schools of thought, which promoted unmarried women developing a sufficient degree of sexual sensation before marriage through masturbation, sexual experience, or cohabitation for the sake of her complete sexual satisfaction after marriage, are wrong as a result of various objective scientific studies. If a woman does not have any experience of orgasm through sexual activities, including masturbation, before marriage, she can eternally keep the memory of the unforgettable moment when her husband bestowed sexual ecstasy on her for the first time in her entire life. Therefore, even though a woman is unable to experience orgasm at the beginning of her married life, if she reaches her orgasm after marriage through her own dear husband for the very first time in her life, it will help her acquire profound gratitude to her husband and strongly contribute to their spiritual and heartistic unity. True Father describes the impact on a woman when she experiences explosive sensations of her first orgasm through her husband as follows:

As I talked yesterday, thunder with lightning symbolizes a marriage ceremony and kissing of nature. It is the same as that. The beauty of lovemaking of a married couple in such a way is something like the movement of every cell over the whole body awakened and synchronized. All cells are to move in that way. The five senses become one. That is a precious phenomenon. … Though love is invisible just as the conscience is invisible, we can understand all these things through the feelings. Feeling is most important. When her feeling of 100% explodes into 1,000%, a woman will learn to embrace the glory and value of her being born a woman. Thus, through the experience of orgasm, a woman comes to understand the real preciousness of the man. (December 21, 1993) 7

If a woman already frequently reaches orgasm through habitual masturbation before marriage, when she arrives at ecstasy in the married sexual life with her husband, she cannot feel any special moving emotion. Heartfelt gratitude to God or to her husband will not well up in her mind at all. Especially if the woman fails to reach orgasm in conjugal sex after marriage, she will often be tempted to masturbate to feel the sexual pleasure

6 See e.g., Richard Panzer, RQ: Relationship Intelligence (Westwood, NJ: Center for Educational Media), 63-75. 7 Moon, Houkan Shuurenkai Mikotobashu (Speeches at Japanese women’s workshops in Korea), 61. 64

she was accustomed to before marriage. Eventually, she ends in repeating masturbations and belittling her husband after marriage, which leads to the disunity of the couple. That is why a woman’s masturbation is far more undesirable than a man’s. What a woman should be careful of before marriage is that if she masturbates by using a buttery-operated vibrator, which can produce an unusually strong stimulus, she can easily reach an orgasm but often becomes addicted to the extraordinary sexual stimuli. As a consequence, it will become all the more difficult for those women to reach orgasm through natural stimulation by the sexual organ of their husbands after marriage. Thus, before and after marriage, women should absolutely refrain from using such a buttery-operated sexual instrument (substitutive instrument for man’s sexual organ) that artificially produces an extraordinary sexual stimulus that lesbians love to employ. Whatever actions they may be, if they become obstacles to a couple’s unity or the fulfillment of the family four-position foundation centered on true love, we must regard them as evil. The critical standard to decide the good and evil of our actions is whether they can contribute to our happiness as a married couple and as a family. In other words, the principal standard of good and evil for the actions of our Blessed families consists in whether or not these actions contribute to the “fulfillment of the family four-position foundation centered on God,” which is the central content of God’s purpose of creation. It does not matter, therefore, how quickly a woman can feel the sensation of orgasm in her sex life after marriage. But rather, the most important thing is how much sooner and deeply a couple can unite into one mind and one body after their marriage. If a husband hears from his bride that “I have never experienced the sensation of orgasm before marriage, but I learned it for the first time in my life through you,” he can feel very happy to hear that. Such a statement of the bride can greatly contribute to the newly married couple’s unity. Thus, if a woman’s first sexual pleasure in her life is from her husband, it will contribute to the unity of the couple to a great extent. If a woman is accustomed to explosive orgasm through habitual masturbation before marriage, her joy of marital sex will be greatly diluted, and she will be likely to end in greater disappointments in marital sex. Women’s masturbation before marriage is, unlike men’s, not an inevitable behavior as we can see in its statistics or from the viewpoint of their physiology. Women can easily avoid it if they live a pure life separated from immoral sexual contacts. Nonetheless, masturbation becomes an unavoidable addiction in the same manner as addictive drugs like cocaine, once our nerves in the brain experience the sensation of orgasm. Therefore, young women before marriage must absolutely abstain from masturbation and stay away from its temptation with strong determination. In order for a unmarried woman to stay away from it, she should by all means avoid any experience of sexual excitement and its resultant sexual ecstasy through immoral sexual relations with persons either of the same sex or of the opposite sex. In addition, as I mentioned above, it is warned that if a woman gets accustomed to masturbation by the use of an electrical vibrator before marriage, such a woman will be in danger of not getting satisfied with her husband’s sexual organ in conjugal sexual life after marriage. In conclusion, since your daughter has already experienced masturbation and orgasm, it may be physiologically impossible for her to completely stop it from now. Therefore, please guide her to reduce its frequency to the best of her ability, and strongly warn her against the use of an electrical vibrator. What is more, before her masturbation becomes habitual, you should advise her to seriously prepare for the Marriage Blessing, so that she can enjoy a conjugal sexual life filled with God’s love relatively soon.

Q: This is a question about the right and left positions of a man’s testicles. The positions of my testicles are not symmetrical on the right and left. I’ve heard that God created with the intention that the position of a man’s testicles would be asymmetrical on the right and left. Is that true?

A: That is true. The positions of a man’s testicles are not created to be exactly symmetrical on the right and left due to God’s exquisite design of creation. They are created in such a way as not to hang symmetrically on the right and left. When testicles produce the maximum amount of male hormone and sperms, their temperature must be maintained at 3 to 4℃ ℃ cooler than the normal body temperature. If the right and left testicles are perfectly symmetrical in their positions, the skin sac (scrotum) of each testicle will come into physical contact mutually, and, as a result, the testicles cannot be cooled efficiently. However, if the positions of the right and left testicles are slightly asymmetrical, the efficiency of the cooling effect will be heightened. For this reason, the asymmetrical position of the right and left testicles generally makes a man more virile and healthy. It appears that some youth at puberty become worried about the asymmetrical position of their testicles out of ignorance, and some fear that they might be afflicted with a testicular disease. However, their concerns are absolutely meaningless. Scholars who believe in the theory of the survival of the fittest will probably 65

explain: “Testicles that are not symmetrical in their positions can produce more sperms and male hormone, resulting in higher reproductive capability and birth of a greater number of children. Therefore, men possessing the gene of producing such asymmetrical testicles increased in number on earth and became the majority.” In any case, a man whose testicles’ position is asymmetrical on the right and left holds the majority, has higher reproductive capability, and is considered normal (healthy). Women should keep in mind that if a man’s testicles hang asymmetrically on the right and left, they are more natural, healthier, and more vigorous in producing male hormone and sperms. Some men have a testicle located extremely far below the other testicle. Generally such men have a higher reproductive capability due to the superior production of sperms and male hormone. Therefore, a woman should not hurt the pride of such a man out of ignorance, if he happens to be your husband. According to my observation at saunas and public baths, my friends and acquaintances with testicles that are clearly asymmetrical in their positions have four or more children without exception.

Q: I have a question about the engagement and Marriage Blessing between second-generation and first- generation members. When was the beginning of the Marriage Blessing between second-generation and first-generation members? Can only True Parents perform such a matching between second-generation and first-generation members? Or are parents of the second generation now permitted to match their son or daughter to the first generation?

A: As of November 2008, only True Parents have the exclusive authority to perform a matching between second-generation and first-generation members. Parents of the second generation do not have such authority yet. Previously, in my book Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, I did introduce that “According to True Parents’ announcement, physical parents of the second generation are also given the authority to do the matching between their sons and daughters, who are second-generation members, and first- generation members.” It is true that the top leader of the Japanese movement once made such an announcement at a public gathering at Cheongpyeong Training Center. It was later clarified, however, that the content of the announcement did not accurately represent what True Parents had stated. Therefore, the verbal message at the gathering was later corrected through an official memo to local church leaders in Japan. To be exact, an era has come when True Parents can perform the matching and Marriage Blessing between second-generation and first-generation members. Nonetheless, it is still only the True Parents who have the authority to do this kind of matching. Parents of second-generation members are only entitled to do the matching of their sons or daughters with other second-generation members. Therefore, in my book Touitsu Rinrigaku Kouza (Lectures on Unification ethics), vol. 2, from the fourth revised edition on, it has been revised as follows: “Those second-generation members who were born before the Blessing of their parents (the so-called Jacob children) belong to the first generation from the standpoint of the providence of restoration through indemnity. True Parents, however, issued a new direction that True Parents can now match these members who were born before the Blessing of their parents with second-generation members who were born after the Blessing of their parents and give the Marriage Blessing to them.” True Parents’ matching between second-generation and first-generation members began in the spring of 2004. The first case of this type of matching was the one between Mr. Hiroaki Kawata, a Japanese member who was born before the Blessing of his parents and Ms. Hwajin Lee, a Korean second-generation member who was born after the Blessing of her parents. Consequently, the Marriage Blessing ceremony has started including cross-generational couples matched by True Parents since July 2004.

Q*: I have a question about the Marriage Blessing between second-generation and first-generation members. True Parents have matched and blessed a number of second-generation female members who were born after the Blessing of their parents with first-generation male members, but I would like to know whether these female members genuinely kept purity before matching. Weren’t they matched and blessed with first-generation male members because they committed some sinful acts?

A: Up to today, as far as I know, all those second-generation female members of the Blessed Family who have been matched and Blessed with first-generation male members by True Parents are very faithful, genuinely purity-keeping, and exemplary without exception. As a member of the first generation, Mr. Hiroaki Kawata, who is one of the first graduating students of CheongShim Graduate School of Theology, was blessed with a second-generation female member of a very respectable Korean Blessed Family through True Parents’ matching. His case was the first matching between 66

the first generation and the second generation in the history of the Unification movement. He is a first- generation member, but also a second-generation member who was born before the Blessing of his parents. His parents have been famous for their sincere dedication and great contribution to God’s Providence for many years. He was very indignant at such an insulting question as yours. He told me that numerous times he has received similar questions that doubted the purity of his beloved Korean wife, who is a genuine second- generation member who was born after the Blessing of her parents. As the True Parents directly matched and blessed them, we should congratulate them on their Marriage Blessing from the bottom of our heart without any prejudice or misunderstanding.