True Love and Heavenly Sex in the Age after the Coming of Heaven

Since 2004 I always give lectures on this topic to the 40 Day Workshop in Chyeong Pyeong to members who started their family. It usually lasts for three hours; 3 sessions of 60 minutes, and then people ask for personal questions for 20 or 30 minutes during the each break and after the lecture.

Today I’m not sure how long I’m supposed to speak, but I can speak for many hours. I’d like to speak for 2 or 3 hours all together.

This is my first lecture on this topic delivered in English. I began to give these lectures to Japanese women participants at the 40 Days Workshop. There are many Japanese participants, and Hoon Mo Nim asked me to give them this lecture. It became very popular, and so now all nationalities hear it through translation. They have themed education – singles, married and pregnant women groups – and I speak to the married group who have started their family life. 1

[Note: Now, because of the difficulty of True Parents say that there are three translation, once again I deliver special topics we need to know to attain lectures only to Japanese participants of 40 happiness. Day workshop. I promised to deliver lectures They are “God”, “Spirit World” and “Concave directly in English after I translated my book and Convex; the significance of and how to into English.] use our sexual organs, and how to relate as husband and wife.” It’s very important for us The title has been given by Rev. Compton to know this to be able to attain happiness in of Westchester County, NY. I gave lectures the Age after the Coming of Heaven . in New York and New Jersey in August this year when I went back to New York where Our True Parents are the greatest teachers of my wife and children live. Rev. Compton all these three topics, and they began to speak made an exciting title so that many people a lot about the third topic, our sexual organs in would attend my lecture. the mid-‘90s after the FFWPU was founded. Since then, it has become quite common for Dae Mo Nim emphasised the importance members to be Blessed, but before that it was of knowing the moral standard of making very difficult to reach the Blessing. In my case, decisions; whether certain actions are right or for example, although I joined our movement wrong, and that is the field of ethics. Today in 1965, I was Blessed in 1977. It took me we will deal with those ethical issues in 12 years to join the Blessing. In recent years our married life. Also, what should we do it happens much more easily without such to become a happy couple? What kind of difficult conditions, and even being Blessed actions are the practices of true love? We first and receiving education afterwards. And always pledge ‘centring on true love’, but so now almost all members in the Church what action is the practice of true love? So are Blessed if they are old enough. That is I’d like to present “How should I love my why True Parent’s speeches about husband husband or my wife?” and wife have increased since the mid-‘90’s. Some of the important speeches were given in Japanese at a series of workshops in Korea to educate 160,000 Japanese women. So I am 2 3

very fortunate to be able to understand them conclusion of our life is the perfection of the directly. Many of these speeches were not husband and wife relationship.” Thus, before translated into English yet. o, I have been we go to the spirit world we should perfect collecting them and translated some of them. our conjugal love relationship. The book of translation will be available next year thanks to financial support from the Father said, “Blessed Couples in the American H.Q. Unification Church should practise the horizontal love centring on the vertical Have you ever heard of oxytocin, which is love.” Vertical love means love to and from the hormone produced by the brain when God and True Parents, so in that sense if we men and women experience orgasm? It really want to have a good relationship in our makes women more motherly and gentle. So marriage we need to practice attendance to in that sense it’s very important for women God and True Parents. So when Husband and to have complete sexual satisfaction. Many Wife become closer to God, they will also books and research papers explain that if the become closer and closer to each other. So parents have sexual problems, the children what is the life of attendance? will tend to have problems – character wise and mentally, partly due to their parents’ 1. Pledge Service on church holidays, lack of oxytocin. When husband and wife beginning of the month and AnShiIl. have a good sexual relationship, the wife is 2. Study True Parents language (Korean), enabled to function well as a mother, due to as their sons and daughters the production of oxytocin. Scientific studies 3. Reading True Parents speeches show that its levels dramatically increase 4. Reporting to God in prayer after orgasm. 5. Carrying True Parents’ pictures with us, and displaying them in your home Whether women should love husband or children more is questioned, but Father said And many others…. But these are basics of in 2003, “In the last stage of life, husband the life of attendance. and wife should love each other more than a mother loves her son or daughter. So the 4 5

The term ‘absolute sex’ was coined by True What’s the purpose of ‘absolute sex’ Father in 1996 in the USA. In the secular or making love as a Blessed Couple? world they may speak about ‘absolute sex’ or The purpose of the sexual act has been argued ‘heavenly sex’, but the meaning is different and discussed for nearly two thousand years from our understanding. The concept of among Christian leaders. Christian moral ‘absolute sex’ means the opposite of free theologians generally discerned two purposes: sex, and homosexual, and polygamous sex, unity purpose and procreative purpose, but and also living alone without marriage all the question is what’s the relation between your life. Absolute sex means sex between the two in the act of sexual intercourse? unique, unchanging, eternal husband and According to the Roman Catholic Church, wife. “Absolute sex is the sexual act between the procreative purpose is traditionally more absolute, unique, eternal and unchanging primary. But for the Protestant churches husband and wife.” the unity purpose is primary. Nonetheless, that is only the unity between husband and I can introduce some of True Parents’ wife. For Blessed Couples our attitude is speeches about absolute sex. “Our sexual different. Our unity purpose in lovemaking organs must be liberated. The opposite of free is not only the unity of husband and wife, sex is absolute sex, unique sex, unchanging but also to become one with God. For us sex and eternal sex. These concepts are very, to become one with God, we have to make very precious, and we can be very proud of love. Our teaching is that through the sexual them. Absolute sex is the root of true love.” organs we can become one with God. Also “What is the mission of the Messiah? He will our teaching is that making love is not just bring the absolute sex to the fallen world. He for the procreative purpose. The meaning will come to perfect the absolute, unique, of procreation is also different from other unchanging and eternal sex.” These speeches Christian churches. Unlike other churches, we are quoted from the book: The Origin of the say that our purpose of making love is to give Universe published in Japanese in 2002 and birth to children without original sin: with now in Cheon Seong Gyeong. the heavenly lineage. That is the difference between us and the established churches.

In the case of the Blessed Families, “We must love and attend our spouse’s which purpose is primary and which is sexual organ more than we love and attend secondary, unity or procreation? God. In that way God can feel delighted and According to the Tradition book, unity is feel great joy. When a husband worships his primary. So theoretically in the Unification wife’s sexual organ as more precious than the Church in the Blessed Marriage, sexual totality of all creation and loves it more than relations between husband and wife are he loves all the sum of all the creation, God sacred, without purpose of the child-birth. can come to his home.” So this is somewhat True Father said, “Can man leap like a dog? controversial; husbands are encouraged to Can man’s eyes see like an eagle’s eyes? worship his wife’s sexual organ more than he Can man fly? Can man run like a deer? loves God. Compared with animals, human beings are inferior in many points. What is our superior I’d like to speak about the ideal point? People can make love anytime during number of children we should have. the four seasons. That is the privilege of In the 1960’s Father spoke to the early Korean human beings. Animals make love only at members – 36 and 72 couples – our elders, the time suitable for producing offspring.” that Blessed Couples should have more than “God Blessed us – his sons and daughters, as 10 children. But in Japan some members the Lord of all Creation - to enjoy unlimited thought that all the words of True Parents are joy of love-making” ‘The act of True Parents, the eternal heavenly law, with eternal effect, True Children and the CTA’, Nov 14th 1993 but that’s not true. So we have to pay attention to the date of the speech. That’s why at the “God exists in the settling point of love time of publishing Cheon Seong Gyeong, – that is the sexual organ.” “Through the Father said that the date of the speech has sexual organ we can become one with God.” to be included with each quotation. Rev “God dwells in the place of the absolutely Zin Moon Kim explained that there are two unchanging love; God dwells in the sexual kinds of Father’s words. One kind relates to organs.” There are so many words of Father’s ‘purpose’ and the other to ‘method’. So, those explaining that we can become one with God that relate with ‘method’ don’t have eternal through the sexual organs. For example, effect. So we should understand when the 8 9

words were given. The most recent speeches so many children at the risk of her life, and have the highest authority. The most recent especially since coming to know Hyung Jin speech about the number of children was in Nim, the last son who has such a wonderful 2003 when he said, on True Children’s Day character. I have become acquainted with that we have to give birth to 3 children, and him since I have been teaching him Japanese. if you can’t give birth to three you should He really loves True Parents and has an ideal ideally adopt three children. Adoption is character. So thanks to True Mother we have an option. Raising at least 3 children is the those wonderful True Children. heavenly standard; the Blessed Family’s duty. As for the ideal number of children, before The Issue of Birth Control. 2003, Father stated that four or more would (from an email clarifying some questions be ideal, four representing the four seasons: from us after listening to his talk in Prague) spring, summer, winter and autumn, and the four corners of the earth: north, south, east and I discourage the use of condoms for all west. If you can afford to, you should strive couples because of Dae Mo Nim’s speech, to have four or more. Also if you can give where she explained that God clearly hates birth to many children you should offer for condoms because he can’t fully participate in adoption because many families are waiting the love making, can’t fully feel the delight of for adoption. the joy and unity between husband and wife.

How many times did True Mother give birth For young healthy women in their 20s, I to babies? 14 times, including Hee Jin Nim recommend the use of contraceptive pills who passed away several days after her birth, as many medical doctors in this world have and including 4 times through caesarean strongly recommended it; its safety is proven operation. Usually it is recommended that by the use of tens of millions of women in the caesarean birth should only be allowed three West, and it also prevents ovarian cancer. times due to risk to the life of the mother, but True Mother’s last 4 children were all through For the Blessed Couples in their 30s or 40s, caesarean section. So I admire True Mother I recommend “symptothermal method” that very much for her willingness to give birth to helps identify the woman’s fertile phase by 10 11

measuring her temperature and observing valid on the issue of birth control. But True cervical secretions. European researcher Father’s direct speech is very critical of birth recently reported its success rate (99.6%) was control, more so than the tone of the tradition as good as contraceptive pills based on recent book. But in reality many Blessed Families experiments. The success rate of the checking practice birth control. More natural methods cervical secretion alone is over 98%. are recommended in the Tradition book.

For the Blessed Couples in their 30s or 40s, Hoon Mo Nim said, “God spoke to me, if the natural methods fail and they become regarding the use of condoms, ‘If you eat pregnant, they should be encouraged to give something covering your tongue with a veneer, birth to a baby and to offer the baby for can you taste the food? I feel displeased when adoption. The Blessed Family Department I see the Blessed Couples using a condom. I has a very crucial and extremely important don’t want to see that.’ That is because the role to organize the waiting list of the couples wife’s sexual organ symbolises all creation, who are willing to offer the next baby and and when the husband enters it he must who want to adopt a baby. There must be experience the full taste of it, such as sweet, a screening process (faith and financial bitter, sour and so forth. If he doesn’t he will situations) of the couples who want to adopt not know God’s creative power and God’s so that productive couples can offer without heart.” worry. In December 1967 Father spoke about natural I would like to research more on contraception. birth control at a 72 Couples Blessed wives My English book on True Love, Sex, and meeting. By knowing the fertile period, you Health will include more explanation on can avoid pregnancy. “If you avoid sexual contraception, but I may add more pages. I relations between the 10th day and the will be very happy to help European couples 19th day from the beginning day of the last as well as American couples. menstruation, that is a few days before and after the egg releasing day when the body Every couple should have “The Tradition temperature is ‘to hit the button’, you can Book” which – although it is a bit old, is still avoid pregnancy. Birth control is because 12 13

of the special situation of the strategy for the exciting and beautiful. Do not live a boring restoration work.” This is the most natural married life.” He explained various things method. about how to make married life more exciting during the Japanese Women’s Workshops The Issue of Artificial Insemination – with Father in Korea (160,000 Japanese Right or Wrong? Blessed Wives attended, although some did The Blessed Couples are not allowed to do so 2 or 3 times to fulfil the numerical goal.) artificial insemination, using a donor’s sperm. “Wear seven kinds and seven colours of But in the case of using the husband’s sperm underwear.” And so forth…to send a signal it is allowed to facilitate pregnancy or in the through the colour, but most recently Father case of choosing the sex of the baby in special encouraged us to sleep completely naked in cases of disease, for example, when only male the Age after the Coming of Heaven. babies would inherit the disease. But without medical reasons, the selection of the sex is Our Internal Attitude at the time of not allowed in the medical associations in making Love society. In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) is allowed Love-making is not for myself, but to give for Blessed Couples as long as the husband’s the greatest joy to my wife or husband. That sperm and the wife’s eggs are used. Already kind of attitude is necessary for both husband quite a few second generation children have and wife, according to Dae Mo Nim’s speech. been conceived and born in that way. “At the time of making love a husband may make love only for himself. To make love The Issue of Abortion only for his own joy is wrong; a man should You should read the Tradition Book to see on think about the joy of his wife – to give the what conditions abortion is allowed and not greatest joy to his wife.” Dae-Mo Nim spoke allowed. to wife also, “Loving heartistic relations emerges at the time of love-making. Some Father says that we should make a conjugal life women reject their husband’s approach, like a piece of art-work which is very artistic thinking ‘I don’t have enough heart and love and beautiful, to keep our heavenly lineage. for him’, but through making love deeper “It is necessary to make our marriage life heartistic relations will emerge, so don’t 14 15

refuse your husband.” Father’s advice is that world exists there in the female sexual organ; Blessed Couples should make love without there’s water, rocks, pebbles, flowers, bamboo wearing any clothes, with a completely tree, pine tree, mountains, clean heaven etc. naked body. He spoke about this repeatedly The husband should be able to visit all this over many years. “Among all the mammals, created world and should appreciate it all. only human-beings as the Lord of Creation He should see it face to face, and feel it, in can make love in the position of face to face, order to appreciate the created world. That’s breast to breast.” In the Age after the Coming woman’s responsibility. But some women do of Heaven, since the spring of 2004, we are not make husband appreciate their sexual advised to sleep naked. Father spoke to use, organ. They should do that – help their “To make love with a naked body is an act of husband to ‘enjoy the view’ of the created liberating God’s painful heart.” “God wished world. God’s creative power and investment to watch the pure and naked Adam and Eve of love should be appreciated by the husband make love in a beautiful way, but because of seeing and enjoying his wife’s sexual organ. the fall God could not see such a scene.” So Taking off all clothes and letting the owner Blessed Couples can make love naked as an of the create world [woman’s sexual organ] act of liberating God’s painful heart. come to the created world and play; that’s the female responsibility. Dae Mo Nim spoke about the wife’s attitude at the time of making love. This is mainly So you have to change, and stop saying for Japanese wives, because Japanese women that you cannot do that for such and such a are very conservative and shy. reason. Some women make those kinds of excuses. If you have that attitude you would “At the time of making love if a wife responds be ignoring God’s creative power, and God’s quietly without moving, just lying down and heart. Ones’ sexual organ is not ones own, letting the husband do whatever he wants, this but ones spouse’s. So if you do not give that is wrong. God told me that kind of woman is to your spouse there will be problems in the very unwise. The female sexual organ is like relationship. beautiful part of nature; a symbol of the whole created world. All the beauty of the created 16 17

Father explained these things to us. God told In one speech Father jokingly says, he’d like me that for Blessed Couples to become a true to put a ‘mike’ with all couples and have a family, this kind of conjugal sex education is competition to see who will make the most necessary.” noise! Don’t be afraid to make lots of noise, even if your mother-in-law is sleeping close What should be women’s attitude when by! You are blessed by God and free to make making love? A wife should let her husband lots of noise; it’s not an illicit affair! appreciate the view of the female sexual organ. Father also spoke about this at the Jardim 40 On April 19th 2004 on True Parents Day in Day Workshop in Brazil. He said, “Husband New York, Father spoke about two important and wife are in the position to reveal all the topics. One was the declaration of Ahn Shi Il secrets, and let the spouse see each other’s – a revolutionary idea. The second was “from secrets, even those private parts you would now on the couples should sleep without not show to other people, you have to show wearing any clothes.” “Do you feel happy everything to your loving husband.” when you sleep naked skin to skin? Or do you feel happy when you sleep with 5 or 6 layers Dae Mo Nim spoke this way at the 8th 21 of clothes being unable to feel anything from Day Registration Workshop. Dae Mo Nim the touch of your spouse?” Some Japanese repeatedly spoke about this. Also don’t be wives have even made the excuse that in- quiet or like, as the Japanese saying goes case of earth-quake they have to be prepared ‘a dead tuna’ just lying there passively; with layers of clothing. A nightgown may be active. Rev. Tim LaHaye, ( The Act of be needed, but it’s now a new Age after the Love; The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Coming of Heaven, and we have gone past Beverley LaHaye ) the marriage counsellor, the age of paying indemnity. also emphasised how important it is for a Father long ago said, “In the future after wife to be actively responsive. You can be restoration is completed, we will have to live expressive, and make loud noises; it’s OK! naked as the 1st Adam and Eve before the fall.”

Does he mean that Unificationists become So we have been liberated from the nudists? I wondered at that time. It means in prohibitions of ‘black Heung Jin Nim’. your private bedroom you are free to be naked Father’s speech has higher authority; a new like Adam and Eve before the fall. I began to norm. In August 1997, however, Father said practice this since the summer of 2004 and it’s “When we want to have children it’s common very good! The Korean Medical Association sense to make love in the missionary position this year announced that it’s good to sleep (husband on top of wife) so the seed flows together naked. I’m sure that it is encouraged down, and are face to face so that all senses in the West as well as being ‘providentially are united and focused on each other.” (So, required’. we are recommended to make love in the missionary position at least at the time of Positions for making Love husband’s ejaculation, if we want to have Some of you may have attended the a better child.) In the Islamic tradition it is workshops with ‘Black Heung Jin Nim’. In not encouraged to make love like a dog or 1987 he taught us that we should not make cat. Hadith says that you will have ‘cross- love like dogs and cats, but in 1996 Father eyed’ child if you do that; recommending gave a new instruction. May 1st and July 1st the missionary position to have a wonderful 1996 he said “From now on study the way child. animals make love; it’s not a sin to make love like that.” And, more interestingly “On this So if there’s no possibility of pregnancy, you earth there are so many different kinds of can use any position or style, according to animals such as rabbits. As we are the Lord Father. Also, if you are pregnant you can of the Creation, in making love, we have to adopt any position which is comfortable. become the great king of making love. When women reach menopause you can say ‘this What about Anal Sex? It’s wrong. It’s week we can have ‘rabbit love’, or let’s make prohibited because it’s not healthy. It’s love like a tiger, and roar like a tiger! Or liable to cause inflammation of the anus. So ‘let’s make love like snakes’ and by moving called ‘Oral sex’ (fellatio and cunnilingus) as this way and that way…using the love style of foreplay or without ejaculation, is allowed the fly, ant, bee or butterfly!” but husbands should never demand it or force 20 21

his wife to do it. According to Rev LaHaye, What about ejaculation outside the 50% of wives do not like to do fellatio to wife’s body, to her hand or mouth? their husband, so he should never demand it, Is that right or wrong? although it is allowed. Cunnilingus means a It is allowed during menstruation, after kiss and lick to the female sexual organ. It child-birth or during health problems. “To is recommended for Blessed Couples, even recover from child-birth it is good to drink if the wife reaches an orgasm in this way her husband’s sperm.” Father said at the talks it is not a problem according to our ethics. to Japanese wives. Immediately after child- Females can reach multiple orgasms in one birth insertion is not allowed because it can act of love. Women are different from men be painful, so you can use a different method. physiologically in this way. Men’s sexual Semen is not poisonous. interest after ejaculation drops sharply, but if Dae Mo Nim also said that women should a man keep stimulating his wife, she can reach learn to give the kiss to the hole of the throat, another orgasm after insertion. So foreplay but husbands should never demand it. – cunnilingus - for women is encouraged by True Parents. Father spoke about it on Frequency of love making Nov.3rd 1998, “Do you like the male sexual Over the life course, male interest in making organ best? Do you like the female sexual love reaches its peak in the late teens and early organ best? Do you kiss each other’s? How 20’s, and then gradually declines, because of did you find its taste? Its taste is unlimitedly the decline in testosterone. But women are exquisite; you cannot forget its taste even different. The highest peak of sexual interest after a thousand years’ dream. There is not for women is the late 30’s and early 40’s, better taste than that.” So, Father clearly according to scientific research and many encourages it. I’m not sure if wives feel the women’s experience. Father’s instruction is same. that when men ask for sex a lot when wife’s desire is not so strong, the wife should accept In 2005 June 7th Father said, “A kiss to your and be understanding as much as possible. husband’s penis…what kind of kiss do you like When wife’s desire has become very strong, best? Tongue, mouth, teeth or the hole of the but husband’s has declined, wife may need throat?” to let her desire subside, but he should try to 22 23

maintain good health to be able to respond. There’s a day to avoid making love. Have Father encouraged, “Live a life by making love you ever heard about that? That’s a day when more frequently than men and women in this we are recommended to avoid making love. world.” In a recent UPF Tokyo University That’s the night before the pledge service. Alumni Seminar, Rev Otsuka gave a lecture This is not heavenly law. It is Japanese and explained that Father had once spoken to mentality to be legalistic, but it is suggested, him and said. “You are young, and so you not law. Rev. Chung Soo Won (36 couples) can make love 1000 times a night!” used to speak to Japanese members, “If you want to have excellent babies, make love after Frequency of making love during reading the Divine Principle.” Basically pregnancy… by reading Father’s speeches, and the D.P., Father was very concerned about women or listening to Sunday Service and you are who did not have any children, and asked all uplifted and moved in your heart, then when of them to stand up, and encouraged the other you make love you can have an excellent women to do everything they could to help child, due to the help of good spiritual world, them. He sighted three reasons why people and good true-love energy. Making love may not be able to have their own children: before Pledge Service is not a sin! It will 1. Due to ill health. not be accused by Satan. Father never said 2. If she has been overly devoted to the ‘don’t make love before Pledge Service’. For Providential work example, one 2nd Gen church leader gave a 3. Some disadvantageous ancestral testimony to True Father, “After making love influence very passionately twice, then I can give an excellent sermon.” Father smiled to hear that. Father said to all the participants to make Father never ever said, ‘Why did you make every possible effort to have children, and love on Saturday night (or the night before help those who hadn’t had children yet. He the first day of the month, church holy-days suggested to them “If you have been making and Ahn Shi Il in this age)?’ No, Father’s love once a month, go home and make love emphasis is ‘Don’t miss Pledge Service.’ The every other day in order to become pregnant” point is to avoid being accused and feeling (because the sperm can live for 2 or 3 days). guilty by missing Pledge Service. So make 24 25

sure you have enough sleep and prepare well surprised!…and she said “Ask your husband before Pledge Service. Falling asleep during to make love for a long time; including long Pledge or missing it must be avoided. hours of foreplay.” That is True Mother’s advice. True Father also emphasised the [Several times recently, True Parents held importance of foreplay for the sake of the Pledge at 8 am to accommodate a large wife. “At the time of sexual excitement, number of Ambassadors for Peace from there’s a difference between men and women. Seoul, because it is a bit far away. Basically Women are slower than men by five times. Pledge is at 7 am on Holy Days.] (Some times he said three times.)

How long are we supposed to make Therefore some wives pass away without love? And what’s the importance of knowing the real taste of sexual love. That’s foreplay? men’s fault. It’s up to the man to understand Father and Mother both emphasised the that. “If he doesn’t take responsibility to importance of foreplay. Scientifically it is help his wife experience the real joy of love proven that it takes more than 20 minutes making, that can effect her for a whole day, for women to reach an orgasm including the or a whole month. That influence lasts a long foreplay time. Husbands should be aware time.” And “For the sake of women’s health, that is takes women a long time to reach it’s absolutely important and necessary for orgasm. So, it’s important for the sake of women to experience orgasm.” women to have a long time of foreplay. It means kissing and caressing. True Parents If women cannot reach that feeling she should have emphasised the importance of foreplay ask her husband to extend the time of love- for women as a serious matter. I would like making; ask her husband to do foreplay for to include True Mother’s counselling advice. a longer time. This was one of the important In the 1980’s one Korean woman asked True topics Father spoke about at the Japanese Mother “I never felt the joy of orgasm during wives’ workshop. For the sake of women’s love making; what can I do?” True Mother’s health and happiness, it’s important for her advice was that True Parents themselves make husband to practice long hours of foreplay – love for 2 hours (including foreplay). I was kissing, caressing, touching! 26 27

Father said on May 1st 1996, “When you go to panic if his wife reaches orgasm before to the spirit world there’ll be a competition him, because she can have a second or third for who made love the longest time (the total orgasm. accumulated time) while on earth!” “If it’s 40 days or several months you can become I was very impressed by Jewish teachings. As the champion!” “If you make love a lot, the first Israel they have a lot of wisdom. The separation is beyond the imagination and way to help husband and wife to have orgasm there will be no divorce.” together is to let the wife experience orgasm first. According to their wisdom, giving birth Reaching Orgasm Together to children is absolutely important, and is the Male and female sexual excitement is great beauty in Jewish tradition where there’s different. Male’s is like the Matterhorn in no encouragement for the single life. The 3 Switzerland (a sharp rise and steep drop) Blessings are Jewish scripture “Multiply and and he can be stimulated by simply seeing fill the earth.” They teach that if the woman his wife’s beautiful nakedness. Also after reaches orgasm it is more likely that she will ejaculation it goes down very sharply. As become pregnant. God’s commandment was for the female sexual excitement I use the to have many children, in their tradition it Halla Mountain in Jeju island for example becomes the commandment to let the wife – it looks like a woman lying on her back. experience orgasm. That mountain is actually higher than Seorak Mountain, but very undulating, rather than How is it possible? The answer “let her steep. Halla is the highest Mountain in South experience orgasm first; refrain from Korea, and there’s small lake at the summit. ejaculation, and let her reach orgasm first.” Women can reach their peak, and then a second or third peak if husband continues to If women reach orgasm first it will last a long stimulate well; this is the unique feature of time, but men’s will drop very quickly after women’s response which God created. It’s a ejaculation. Of course there’s a wide variation gradual rise and fall. How can these peaks be between different women, but generally connected? Through a long time of foreplay women’s orgasm lasts longer – 10 seconds, before insertion. Husband doesn’t need 20 or 30 seconds (often including the 2nd 28 29

orgasm when it lasts longer), so if husband How to give birth to wonderful keeps stimulating, they can experience it children together. That’s Jewish wisdom and we can Father said, “Unless the wife feels the great learn from it. joy in love making, you cannot have a healthy child.” And also “If parents devote The Issue of Privacy themselves and live a very devotional life, the According to Father you don’t need to worry children’s fortune will be decided by that.” about privacy – you can make as much noise as you want. Be natural. Don’t worry, you About Kissing are Blessed by God; enjoy! Actually there is Advice about kissing using the tongue - so actually no privacy in your bedroom because called deep kiss or ‘French’ kiss. Father said, of the presence of ancestors! So be very open; “Do the artistic kiss by using your tongue.” God and grandpa and grandma are watching So, Father’s instructions are that the Blessed and enjoying with you. When you go to the Couples should kiss by using the deep kiss. spiritual world you will be able to see the And at what kind of time should we kiss in scene of a beautiful Blessed Couple making this way? During foreplay, if you kiss using love, and so if you are ashamed of making the tongue, the wife can reach more sexual love there’s something to improve on. Dr. excitement in a shorter period of time. Sang Hun Lee explained from the Spiritual Also during making love if you kiss more World that that’s one of the differences frequently and longer, then you can keep the between heaven and hell. In heaven husband erection longer. Premature ejaculation is a and wife are making love very beautifully, and problem especially for young men, so if you everyone admires and adores it in a beautiful kiss with a deep kiss more frequently and way. So, you can prepare for making love in longer then you can make love for longer, heaven by practicing more openly, making because the excitement can spread to the love here on earth in your bedroom without man’s upper body. Otherwise the stimulation muffling your voice, and being expressive. is concentrated in the penis and you cannot keep the erection for a long period of time. Then after entering the vagina, if you stop thrusting, and do deep kissing, you can keep 30 31

the erection for longer and the excitement can – don’t fall asleep immediately afterwards. spread throughout the whole body. Father This is more important for women. Take said he experimented, and said that you can time to hug, hold hands, appreciating, and experience more joy this way. This way you thanking your spouse. Also for women, can last for two hours! it’s recommended not to stand up and walk around straight away if you are trying to Average love making time according to conceive. She should stay lying down. research is about 7 minutes and 30 seconds. So, if you last that long it’s not premature If husband does certain kinds of abnormal ejaculation; it is considered premature if it actions which his wife doesn’t want, the last less than 2 minutes. But by using deep solution is for her to say “I don’t like.” or “I kissing you can avoid premature ejaculation. don’t want it.” She should speak out. Only Try if you have this problem, and your wife we human beings can make love by speaking, is not satisfied. so we should make love also using the gift of language and exchanging words. The Dae Mo Nim also says that husband should husband should respect his wife’s wishes and use foreplay like a fermenting process, desires about love-making also using words. which takes a long time. Father says the Father says we should respect and make love husband should do everything that the wife beautifully. demands. Yes, the wife can demand. Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate; the wife should The issue of the use of vibrators ask the husband. That is because the wife It’s not recommended for husbands to use needs time and foreplay and certain stimuli them because if women get used to the very to reach orgasm. For the husband it’s very strong stimulation of the electrical vibrator easy; ejaculation is the orgasm; so there’s no then the male’s organ cannot compete with problem for men. But women’s experience that. The wife can feel that a husband is is a different story, so husband should ask not necessary, if she is accustomed to that. the desire of the wife, and he should do She may be tempted towards masturbation everything which the wife desires. That is and lesbian acts. That’s why the use of the Father’s advice. After making love, husband vibrator is not desirable. 32 33

The issue of masturbation Teenage Masturbation If husband and wife are living together, Q: When children are teenagers, they start husband should refrain from masturbation. to masturbate, and many secular authorities Dae Mo Nim strongly scolded some Japanese encourage them to know their own body husbands for watching ‘adult’ videos and through this. Is it right or wrong for neglecting his wife. Black Heung Jin Nim teenagers? said that if you make love after masturbating it leaves a low vibration in the body, and A: There’s a difference between male and good child will not be born. In the case when female. Males experience orgasm through husband and wife are living together, God’s wet-dreams sometimes. Once that happens wish is for them to make love beautifully, so it’s difficult to forget that exciting feeling; the husband should not satisfy himself, by so it’s more prevalent for young men, and himself, by resorting to masturbation. But difficult to stop completely. However we as an exception, in 2001, True Father said should not encourage masturbation for men during a workshop in Hawaii, that if husband or women, but we cannot say completely and wife must live separately for a long time, stop, because they may find it impossible to if the husband thinks adoringly 100% purely, stop because the brain is addicted to it, like a and yearning for his wife, then masturbation drug. We should discourage it, but create an is allowed. environment where it is easier to not do it.

Rev. Chung Soo Won advised, now in the Wife’s Attitude in Lovemaking days of digital cameras, you can take a and Kegel Exercises picture of your naked wife, and her sexual As much as the husband should use a organ and carry it with you, if you have to long time of foreplay, wives should not live separately for a long time. be passive in love making, but should be responsive and active to enhance the joy for her husband. In a speech about reaching orgasm, Father repeatedly emphasised how important that is for women. “By reaching that kind of excitement, women can feel the 34 35

glory and value of being born as a woman. Many such stories came to his attention and so By experiencing orgasm, women can also he realised that the exercises also heightened understand the preciousness of men. If a sexual feelings. In my book I also explain husband can reach complete unity with his how to do them. wife in the sexual life, then he can never leave his wife; he can feel that whether his wife’s In the 1970’s our True Father recommended face is ugly or beautiful is beyond question.” these exercises (not by mentioning the name of Kegel), in a talk to some Japanese women I recommend the book The Act of Love; The who visited Korea. One young Japanese Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverley Christian lady was surprised that although she LaHaye, which is also recommended by the expected to hear a very spiritually high topic, Family Department. I have quoted them in Father spoke about such an earthly topic. She my talk. That book encourages women to almost lost her faith in Father as the Messiah be active in love-making. Amongst those – he’s so practical! [Thanks to her testimony women who always or nearly always reach printed in Japanese Church magazine, I found the orgasm, no one said that they were passive out that Father already recommend such and quiet whilst making love. So for the sake exercises in the early 1970s.] Most recently for both, women should also be very active. these exercises are recommended by many specialists. Rev.LaHaye is very enthusiastic In the book, Rev and Mrs LaHaye have about them for men and women. Find out earnestly encouraged the use of Kegel how to do them; there are many sources. You exercises. An American Doctor Arnold should tighten and release the pelvic floor Kegel discovered the importance of them. muscles at the rhythm of 4-5 seconds, but, Originally developed to prevent the leak in addition, make sure to tighten and release of urine for women after childbirth due to the pelvic floor muscles at the rhythm of 0.8 muscle weakness. Dr Kegel also found that seconds. The rhythm of 0.8 seconds is the the use of the exercises heightened sexual interval time of involuntary contraction of sensitivity; many women reported to him that these muscles when you reach orgasm. Kegel after doing the exercises they experienced exercises of the pelvic floor muscles can give orgasm for the first time. the great benefit to the sexual feeling. 36 37

After husband or wife passes away… speeches – “16 years old” in Korean means You can make love even after your spouse “15 years old” in Western counting. Father’s has gone to the spirit world. Can you believe Peace Message mentions “10 months of life this? There are many testimonies about that in the womb.” It is actually 40 weeks, and 4 happening. I was very moved by the story weeks are counted as a month in counting a of Mrs. Chieko Sasamoto whose husband pregnancy period. The problem is many don’t passed away in Africa in the 1970’s. They know the beginning date of the 40 weeks. received a special award from True Parents; It’s calculated, not from the love-making, but he is considered as an official martyr in our from the time of the beginning date of the last Church. After 14 years they are able to make menstruation. So it’s 40 weeks or 280 days. love transcending the barrier of the spiritual Usually the release of the egg is 2 weeks after world and physical world, and for the first the beginning of the last menstruation, so 38 time she experienced the joy of the sexual weeks for a honeymoon baby. That is clearly act. She gave a very moving testimony. shorter than calendar 10 months. So you don’t need to spread a scandalous rumour. According to the testimony of Dr. Sang Hun Lee, we can make love even after both After Menopause husband and wife go to the spiritual world. The problem is the reduction of the ‘love- juice’. We are encouraged to use ‘KY jelly’ or The period of gestation another kind of lubricating jelly. It is approved I have a question. If you have a honeymoon for Blessed Couples for older women, but not baby, when is the due date? How long is the the spermicidal jelly. So we are encouraged pregnancy period? There was a rumour that to keep making love after menopause even one second Gen. couple had a baby before 9 up until our 80’s, as long as we want. months after the Blessing, and so they must have had a relationship before the Blessing; How to Increase the Sperm Count because it should be 10 months. The question Sperm are produced 3 or 4 degrees below was, “Is that possible to have a baby before 9 normal body temperature. If the temperature months after wedding?” Yes, it is possible. We of the testicles is the same as body temperature, should be careful when translating Father’s the production of sperm will stop. So they are 38 39

located outside of the body, so they can cool Daily Life Ethics down. If you wear boxer-style underwear We should copy the life-style of our True you can increase the sperm production. Brief Parents. Dae Mo Nim closely observed them style may raise the temperature and reduce and recommends: the function of the testicle. By changing the underwear some couples became pregnant. True Parents hold hands whilst walking It sounds unbelievable, but there are many together or watching TV, or listening to testimonies to this fact. If you sit for many music. hours in an office, or are a taxi or truck driver, sitting for many hours, then the number of Sleep in the same bed (especially for the sperm can be lowered. Walking is encouraged Japanese couples whose style is to sleep to solve this problem with loose pants which separately; Korea style is more heartistic allow the testicles to move around. under the same blanket)

Father also encourages walking. He said, “If Hold hands and talk intimately in bed before you walk for 30 or 40 minutes it’s very good falling asleep. Hold hands whilst sleeping for the health.” too.

What if ‘my husband snores so loudly that I cannot sleep together’? Use ear plugs – there are excellent ear plugs created for astronauts which are cheap to buy. Husband and wife should experience symbolically the Four Great Realms of Heart. Through the husband and wife relationship it is possible to experience the Four Great Realms of Heart symbolically. That means that the conjugal love is the representative love, so the wife is not only wife, but mother, 40 41

sister, and daughter. Also husband is not 3. We should always hold hands in bed only husband, but father, brother and son. and have a peaceful pillow-talk before Through the husband’s experience with falling into sleep. his wife, he can have the taste of mother’s love, sister’s love and daughter’s love, as 4. We should take off all our clothes and well as wife’s love, whereas wife also can sleep naked in one bed every night. feel father’s love, brother’s love and son’s love, as well as husband’s love. We can 5. We should call each other at least once symbolically experience these realms and a day in a daytime and always keep in then substantially give birth to children, and touch. Although my wife lives in New throughout life we are expected to keep on York, she calls every morning and experiencing the 4 realms. So wife can have evening; it’s possible now that phone the heart of a mother, but also play the role of calls have become very cheap – her call the cute daughter, or younger sister, for the to Korea is cheaper than a domestic call. happy conjugal relationship. Close and frequent communication is encouraged. Conclusion – Ten Point Check-List 6. We should bow down to the picture of Q: You presented the “10-point checklist” for True Parents, recite the Family Pledge, us to become an “A+ pure love couple” in our report to God facing each other and daily life. holding our spouse’s hands, and bow down to each other at the end, every 1. We should always walk hand in hand, morning and night. Face each other when we go out with our spouse. with your right hands on top (as True Parents do now). Because God is 2. We should always hold our spouse’s not transcendent any more, but very hand when we watch TV together - put intimate, that’s why we should face each his/her hand in your lap. other, rather than facing the picture of True Parents.

7. We should send off and welcome home These 10 points of advice are not my husband (wife), always by holding his personal advice, but True Parents’ (her) hand, kissing, and/or hugging at and Dae Mo Nim’s. Therefore, readers the front door when he (she) goes out must not mention these 10 points as Dr. for work and comes back from work. Masuda’s. I merely gathered these 10 points together as a “list of the 10-point 8. We should talk to each other politely checklist” from their guidance about with respect. (this is especially our daily life of a husband and wife. important for Japanese husbands who can be very rough.) From my experience, I am sure that even if we practice only 50 % - 5 points 9. We should do Hoon Dok Hae (i.e., - out of these 10 points, our conjugal reading True Parents speeches) together relationship will tremendously improve everyday. and ride on the strong ascending wind current. If you don’t practice these 10. We should make love twice or more a points yet, I will strongly recommend week and make an effort to give birth to you to have a try in practicing these 3 or more children. without hesitation.

So True Parents are the ‘happiness makers’ not only peace-makers and unifiers. So if we practice True Parents’ speeches, we can become a very happy husband and wife. So I hope that you will become a very happy husband and wife, and make a happy home and family.

Thank you very much for your patience in listening. 44 45

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you very much for your love and guidance. Today Sept. 3rd 2007, I’m here in Prague, and I delivered a special lecture. I’m so inadequate and I could not explain all the speeches by True Parents, because of my limitation in language; I’m so sorry for my shortcomings. Heavenly Father please guide each one of the Blessed Members here in the For more accurate translation of Prague HQ, and please guide each and every True Parent’s and Dae Mo Nim’s one of the Blessed members here so that each speeches and their sources, couple can become very happy husband and please see: wife who can return great joy and beauty to you. HF, now we live in the Age after the Yoshihiko Masuda, Coming of Heaven, when you can dwell in us. True Love, Sex, and Health Guided Heavenly Father, please let us become a pure by Advice of True Parents and healthy instrument of peace and love, and let us become a husband and wife who (CheongShim GST University are one, completely one, and return great jot Press, forthcoming). and beauty to you HF. We are asking for your guidance and blessing with deep gratitude for this hour.

ITNBCF, Aju!

This is the first English presentation I have given.

The listeners: Thank you! 46 47

Note from Susan Crosthwaite: So I would like to encourage you who need I discussed several points with Dr. Masuda extra help to reach out for it. Be prayerful, by email and we have added some and seek the help you need to heal and clarifications in the text. Another point is become happy. Sexual addictions and the explained here: effects of sexual or psychological trauma need care and loving treatment as much any I asked: physical ailment. You are created with the inherent potential to become happy, and “Many couples suffer from psychological please so not settle for anything less than and emotional barriers which make a God’s ideal in your life. fulfilling sexual relationship difficult. An example is childhood sexual abuse. What is If you have any further questions or your advice to couples in such a situation?” comments, please send them to us at:

He answered: a.crosthwaithe@virgin.net or by calling: +44 208 715 5621 “As for the influence of childhood sexual abuse, I am sorry, but I cannot now give With love from Ashley and me, good advice because my specialization is not counseling, but sexual ethics and studies of True Parents’ and Dae Mo Nim’s speeches.” Sincerely, Y. Masuda