My test about self-denial

My test was about self-denial. I couldn’t understand why I was asked to deny myself-opinion, the very opinion and logic that helped me to accept the Divine Principle teaching and my believe in True Parents. I struggled with this issue for about a year. Fast-forward a year after I joined the church I was sent to join a pioneering team in Durham NC. The team members were middle-aged struggling members and poor fundraisers. But the team leader was young, vibrant, ambitious and so full of enthusiasm. He wanted to start a missionary project in Nicaragua and not only that but he also wanted to rent a house and start another center in Chapel Hill NC. It all sound nice but my logic couldn’t accept it. How could he do all these without money my nagging mind said? Durham is a poor area and add to the problem the team members were worst fundraisers. All four of us wouldn’t make a hundred dollars all day fundraising and this team leader wants to start a project in Nicaragua and rent another house in Chapel Hill, my logic couldn’t accept it. I tried to talk to the team leader and tried to explain our money situation but he whoosh me off and thought of me as trouble member. A week later the time for my test came. The team leader prepared a breakfast for us and before he sent us off to fundraise he told us that he found a house for rent and that he had to rush drive to Chapel hill very quickly because the landlord said to him that there were other people interested in the house and that the person get there first get the house. This day was a Hellish day for me. It was a miserable day, I couldn’t concentrate on fundraising and was consumed and virtually arguing with God. Why God? If my opinion is wrong why did you put in me. If my logic was wrong why did you accept it when I used and accepted the Divine Principle teaching. How come that you are asking me to deny it now? It was a very miserable and tearful day. Evening came and we went home and as we turn to our home parking lot we were surprised to found out team leader waiting to welcome us back with a big smile and a hint of good news that he can’t wait to tell us.

As he walked with us up the stairs, leading us to the dining room. We were surprised to see the dining room table was filled with all kinds of prepared food, fruit and pastries as if we were having a special feast. Than as we set to eat he began to tell us his story about the new house. He said that after he sent us out fundraising he drove to Chapel Hill as fast as he could praying that he get there first before anyone else and get the house. As he got to the last block away from the house the street was blocked by an electric truck and he had to go around another turn. As he got to the house and parked he saw a man and a women standing in front of the house and as he got closer he saw the man handing money to the landlord lady. Too late, sorry the lady said the man had already paid and got the house. As the team leader driving back God began to talk to him and the first thing God told him is that he should listen to his members. Than his mind took him to me and what I tried to tell him and he burst into sobbing in repentance as well as relief. After he told us his story he turned to me and said he is sorry and could I forgive him for not listening to me. We hugged each other and finished our dinner. Then came God’s turn to talk to me. And I must add that every time I am struggling with something I go out for a prayer walk and God always talked to me. So after dinner I felt God is calling me out for a talk. I told my leaders that I am going out for a prayer and off I went. After few blocks away from the house I let it out crying like a baby thanking God for valuing my opinion and blocking the leader from renting the house.. Then God spoke to me and said “ Son! Your opinions are all good and I trust you and you have great ideas too, but your problem is that you are stepping out of line with me. You are interfering in my responsibility. It is my job to change the leader’s decision not you. In other words, it is reversal of dominion as the Divine Principle teaches. In God’s principle the leader is always the subject be the leader perfect or not, and he must have the last saying. This is the greatest lesson I learned that I will treasure for life. Everybody equipped with great logic and good opinions. But there are times where our opinion can be put away temporarily.