Right from the Start

This question seems SECRETS to come up a lot: Is What Should You Share With Your Prospective Partner? there anything my byword. And indeed, being up- prospective partner A lot of questions begin to arise front about one’s struggles is does not need to as conversations begin between absolutely essential in any prospective partners. What does relationship. No one wants to know? How much someone need to know about waltz into a marriage only to should I tell him/her? your past? What things about discover months or even years And why, since II your family—good as well as later that the partner has been have already gone bad—do you need to share with deceptive or withholding. through a Blessing the person on the other end of Enough issues will rear their heads Interview and the line? Does s/he need to know in the relationship without one that your Great Aunt Myrtle had member of the couple needing confessed eight to blindside the everything? fingers on IT IS HARD TO LAY YOUR other with A good rule of her left SECRETS OUT FOR ANOTHER something they thumb is if your hand and could have TO KNOW. BE RESPECTFUL. spouse had these so did begun working things to share with your on years before. brother Frankie before his surgery, you, would you want so having thirteen fingers just Kids or Not? to know them? No might be A typical issue that comes up is one wants to live a hereditary? Do you need to let around children. Not everyone lie. Knowing your him/her know that when you wants them, despite the Principle weak spots as well as reach thirty-one you will inherit understanding of how integral a your strengths can the family fortune? part of building an ideal family What is information that your they might be. The reasons are help your partner prospective spouse needs to legion and could range support you where know about you, and what is best anywhere from a fear of passing you may need it kept to yourself? on a metabolic or other most. Particularly with the advent of hereditary trait to just not wanting programs such as High Noon, to have children for vague people are being persuaded to reasons. Whatever the situation, Sandra Lowen share as much as they can: the honest person puts this up “Leave no shadow” is the front, not disguised as “I don’t

[Pick the date] [Edition 1, Volume 1]

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY INSTITUTES

want to have children until I am with these issues, especially they insisting, it is that person’s secure in my career”, or “I want that are trying to keep their responsibility to ‘stick to his/her to wait until I am 40”, but says up concerns out of family or public guns’ and not enter another front, “I don’t want to have view, may forge ahead with the person’s life until feeling children”. matching process, hoping committed to being a good One should also be honest against hope that their condition marriage partner. Parents have about family maladies. If one will not rear its ugly head. This is rushed their children into the can’t help but escape to the unfair to the potential partner on Blessing prematurely, in hopes of woods and howl at the moon too many levels to discuss here. cutting off a budding romance every 28 days and then requires a Suffice it to say that when people with some other person or just to full body wax and a trip to the have attempted to hide their make sure their child does not dentist to file down those incisors pasts, those pasts have managed become a casualty or too old. If the next day, one would do well to manifest, often in very a person just takes on the Blessing to let one’s Intended know. Issues unfortunate ways. without personal commitment, with desire or ability to have If one really does have a the only thing that can really children and other physical or difficulty, how much better it is to result is heartbreak. The person is emotional considerations should state it up front: “I have an not really ‘there’ for the partner all get worked out within that first addiction to video games and and has all the ‘presence’ of a two or three weeks, while the need help with that” is better table or chair. That person usually couple is still getting acquainted. than wanting to name one’s first comes to resent the partner, child ‘Call Of’ and the second resulting in chilliness toward The Blessing is Not a Panacea. one ‘Duty’. him/her or even violence in some Many people look on the Best is to begin working through cases. If a candidate is genuinely Blessing as having magical issues long before getting into the not ready to make this kind of curative powers. However, it is matching process. This may take commitment, s/he needs to be not, nor was it ever intended to months, even years to do, but honest with parents and not be, a substitute for the work a going through available commence a search until other person needs to do him/herself, programs such as High Noon or distractions have been resolved. or a spell to cure certain things. available counseling through BFD Getting the Blessing is not a cure or other sources is much better Bills and Other Issues: for homosexual tendencies, for than having to deal with the College is not cheap, and grad addiction to pornography, shock and surprise on the face of school is downright overwhelming metabolic or hereditary illnesses, someone that feels s/he has financially. Many young people or for other maladies. No matter been deceived. come trailing sheaves of unpaid what someone says or intimates, loans and other bills behind them, these things require significant Doing It for Mom and Dad: sometimes totaling several work, and should not be foisted A person should want the Blessing thousands of dollars. on another person, because one because s/he feels it to be More than one of ‘my’ thinks the condition will disappear appropriate to his/her life, not candidates has asked if I thought on its own or some angel will merely because it makes s/he could get the spouse’s come down and sprinkle someone else look good. If a family to take over the burden of enchanted sparkles on him/her person is just not feeling it right a pretty prohibitive college loan, while s/he sleeps. Some people now, but Mom and Dad are now that they were talking

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY INSTITUTES

seriously. This loan, in one cigarette ash and she found own volition, or is there a parent particular case, had never come cigarettes on his desk. She ended somewhere, prodding them to go up before, and everybody was the relationship, not because she for it now? How would they surprised to hear about its found out he was smoking, but characterize their personality: existence. The young woman’s because she felt that if he could outgoing or quiet? Do they like family had just decided, it lie to her about such a thing he company or enjoy being alone seemed, that if she was going to certainly could be untruthful with a spouse (or just alone) live with someone else outside about other things and she would more? What influence do their their home, why they could jolly have a hard time trusting him. friends have on them, and how well take over total responsibility People have objections to many do they spend their spare time? for her bills(!). Her partner and his things, some reasonable, some What are their ambitions for the family agreed, after some not. Sometimes they change their future? Are there personal or discussion, to assist with the loan, minds, if they understand the family problems or situations that but they were rare people. The reason a person has what they you need to know about? How loan was something that had consider to be a deal-breaker. A do they feel about children? How preceded her relationship with man that insisted he wanted a many do they want? Are there the other family, and they were virgin was Blessed to a woman legal or financial things you need very generous. Other families that revealed she was not a to know about? have found that to be grounds virgin—because she had been for breaking the deal. molested as a pre-teen and had How Do You Respond to Secrets? undergone trauma therapy to It is hard to lay your secrets out And Speaking of Deal-Breakers… overcome the issues associated for another to know. Be respectful Always, always be honest. If with the assault. A man admitted and honor their trust in you, even someone says s/he cannot he had watched pornography if the secret is one you cannot accept a person that lived in with relatives when he was accept. Thank the person for Pensacola, it is best not to deny fourteen years old—but not since sharing and explain why you having lived in Pensacola if you then, and now he was 27. need to think about it before did. One young woman said she proceeding. Pray about their could not tolerate a man that So, What SHOULD You Share? situation. If it is truly an issue you had a smoking habit. The young I advise candidates to share cannot overcome, say so in the man that had an interest in her anything they feel might come kindest way possible. But if there is told her he did not smoke and up later. That can be a long list. a way to accept this person even had never smoked. This pleased First, what is their level of with his/her flaws, perhaps her, until she went to visit his commitment to the ideals and something wonderful will occur. home and entered his room. His concepts of the movement? Are © 2018 by Sandra Lowen, PhD curtains and other items stank of they getting Blessed out of their

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY INSTITUTES

RIGHT FROM THE START is a newsletter developed for Matching Candidates working with Sandra Lowen. Its purpose is to give additional and collateral information regarding the Matching and Blessing. For further information, contact sandralowen003@gmail.com.

Sandra Lowen, PhD. LCSW MARRIAGE AND FAMILY INSTITUTES Graham, WA 98338