Hyojeong Family Award Recipients Dan and Susan Fefferman's Testimony

The first time I saw True Mother was in January in 1972. She was walking along the hallway and I was up on a very tall ladder putting the finishing touches on a mural. One might not have noticed me as I was way up near the high ceiling, quietly doing my work. As True Mother came back along the hallway, she grabbed up her skirts and began to run. She must have thought that she could run unnoticed because there was no one to see her, judge her, or frown at her. She was free for a few minutes and she gave a little hop as she ran out of my sight.

From then on, I only saw the official True Mother: dressed perfectly, hair perfect, posture perfect. She was always listening to True Father, always giving him support and love. She was there every step of the way, seldom showing how tired she was. She must have been exhausted after giving birth so many times and trying to keep up with True Father. Yet she always had kindness and love to give. I never forgot that image of the young woman that I saw when no one else was looking. How often did she feel free during those early years?

Mother was isolated and alone with only her own mother for company. Then she lost her child. How miserable it is for a mother to have empty arms after nine grueling months and the difficulties of giving birth? It is enough to crush one’s spirit. I remember when I had my first child, Donsu. I was shaking after 18 hours of a difficult birth. I asked the nurse to bring my baby to me in the middle of the night. I knew instinctively that holding my beautiful baby would heal the trauma of giving birth, and she did heal me. Then I remembered that True Mother had empty arms and no one to heal her after the loss of her baby. I cried for her sacrifice and pain and knew her offering was made for women like me who found giving birth difficult. As I held my darling, I thanked True Mother and was grateful that she had several children to hold to comfort her, even if it was just for a while.

Father and Mother went through countless suffering and sacrifice as a couple, but we always received their love. True Parents lost a daughter and three sons, as well as two grandchildren. I was there on the day that Heung Jin Nim’s coffin came in at his Seonghwa ceremony. How could she [True Mother] keep it together? If I lost a child or a grandchild I would be crushed deeply. I doubt that I could keep loving and serving as I do now. Yet True Mother continues to love and to give and to be what is needed now. Our True Mother, having the strength, purity and determination that attracted Father to her in the beginning, stepped up amid a storm of opposition and dedicated herself to continuing the work of True Father until the time of her own passing into the spirit world.

For Dan and me, we try to keep giving, forgetting, and giving more. (The forgetting is getting easier.) But, I think beyond my missionary work 43 years ago in Iran and 4 months spent in Turkey, it is the two songs Dan wrote for True Mother that keeps him in her heart. She wanted Dan and I to be included, so she arranged for the songs She Stepped Up and Begotten Daughter to be sung in church. They were written from the heart of a filial son who wishes to support and comfort his mother.